But where did it all start?
I was 17 and working in Central London. As part of my job I ended up spending a lot of time in Soho and found myself visiting the sex shops in the area - just to look, nothing more (and way before there was Internet porn).
Each time I'd get more courage to actually look at things and look at the magazines. Eventually I found a gay sex shop in the area and would visit there often. Almost 20 years later I still remember the shop exactly, the smell of the leather goods and the faces of the people who worked there. Looking through the Pink Paper I realised just around the corner was a gay pub - but would I have the guts to actually go inside?I did! I remember walking past it again and again and again - occasionally I'd see someone enter or leave - but it took a while for me to pluck up the courage to actually open the door and go inside. I'd go to the bar and order a Diet Coke and sit on that for an hour - just people watching and thinking about what they thinking and what they may have done. At that time it was also illegal for gay sex under the age of 21 (wow I'm old!). Slowly I began to feel more comfortable going in there and found myself there on several lunch breaks.
A few guys would talk to me and I would just smile and respond politely - I never thought I would actually get further than saying hello to someone - definitely not actually do something with another guy.
One day I'm in the pub, dressed smartly in grey suit and tie, sitting on a high stool opposite the bar. An older guy around 45 sat next to me and nodded hello. I replied shyly. He began talking to me and told me he was from the north, in London on business. He told me he liked being in London and seemed pleased to get away from his wife and teenage daughters. He was also dressed in a suit and had a moustache and was quite stocky. Despite this conversation taking place over 20 years ago - I remember it like it happened only yesterday. He commented that he liked my suit - I think I blushed as he put his hand on my leg "to feel the material".
He suddenly leaned forward and told me his cock was hard. I was surprised and unsure how to respond (how does one respond to such a comment???). He then asked me if I'd like to see it. I remember smiling and saying sure. He leaned in closer and whispered in my ear that he was going to the toilet, I should wait a couple of minutes and then come too. Was this it? Was I actually going to touch another cock? Should I run? Should I stay? Should I decline? What's going to happen? A thousand questions running around my head at the same time. I was definitely tempted, excited, scared, shocked and very confused!!!
I walked to the back of the pub towards the toilet and opened the door. The toilet cubicle was straight in front of me after the urinals. The cubicle door was ajar. I pushed it open and he smiled as I went inside and he closed the door and locked it behind me. He had already taken his thick, hard cock out as I began to open his trousers - they fell to the floor and I could see he was wearing read and white Y Fronts. His cock was rock hard. He pushed my head down and I began sucking on his cock. I remember thinking to myself - I'm actually sucking another man's cock - he seemed to be enjoying it - I must be a natural at it.
He began to open my trousers and looked at my cock which was also rock hard. He began to suck on it too. But I wanted to suck him more! I remember taking his thick cock in my mouth and he began to fuck my mouth - I didn't need to be scared, I was actually enjoying it. But not for very long.
He pulled his cock out of my mouth and began jerking it - I watched his face as he started cumming - long strings of cum shooting out of his cock. I had done that to him, I had sucked his cock and made it happen.I pulled up my trousers quickly left the toilet and walked out of the pub. I kept walking and walking towards my office not looking back. My mind spinning with what I had just done. Not disgusted but excited that I had done it - thinking that it wasn't so bad but sure I had now got this "gay thing' out of my system and could put it behind me (how wrong I was).
Obviously I never saw the guy again and it took me a while to go back into that pub again. But I had had sex with a guy for the first time.
Now older and more experienced I can't say it was the best ever but it was my first and something that I will never forget.
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My first time is so far in the past now, but I still remember it. I think I remember the feelings more strongly than the actual physical act. I was 13, and he was 14 although just. Feeling another boy's cock in my hand was so pleasantly exciting. He and I played around a few times over the next year before he decided he liked girls. I was and still am puzzled about that change. In my mind, the question is what can be more exciting than touching another man.
ReplyDeleteIt was five years after we stopped that I touched another male, again. It was not nearly as interesting mostly because I was in such a struggle internally and his cock was so small. It was nearly six years after that single encounter that I began to seek other men frequently. By that time, I was married with one child and a second on the way.