Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Feeling Horny

I follow a lot of blogs.  The vast majority of them aren't updated particularly regularly and just contain either pictures of videos.  Most of them aren't very much of a turn on.  I think I am finding myself much more turned on by the written word than just pictures of a naked guy.  Everyone has their own idea of what they're attracted to.  I once had a friend who was "obsessed" by a particular gay porn star - they porn star was beautiful but I prefer to fantasize about someone who is much more attainable.

Personally, the perfectly built, muscular porno starts don't really do it for me.  Sure I appreciate the beauty of the man but  I'm much more attracted to the "boy (man) next door" look - you definitely don't have to have a perfect body, body hair is always well accepted - I guess because my body is far from perfect I feel much more comfortable with guys that aren't perfect either!

Of the more literary blogs I follow, some of the other blogs I follow and read are very sexy.  Some explore the difficulties guys in my situation are going through others are more of an insight into how horny us guys really are.  At the moment my level of horniness is just off the scale.  In one way, I love the feeling of being horny - it makes me feel alive and I actually find it quite exciting because it makes me want to look for sex and often that means I don't know where I'll end up or who with.  But as a result of that it can also be very frustrating when I can't find an appropriate outlet for the feelings and at the same time that leads me to feel even hornier because when I'm like this - there are almost no limits to what I am prepared and willing to do with a guy - given the opportunity.

I haven't had sex with a guy for a long time!  I think it's an in-built part of me that needs the touch and feel of another man.  Given my situation I understand how difficult it is to arrange with someone else in a suitable place and a suitable time.  A guy I had a great connection with last year contacted me a week or so ago.  I'm still totally in love with him.  He was (and still is) absolutely everything I could have hoped to find in a guy.  I'm still not sure why it never worked out (as I had hoped) but I would love to try again.  Our meetings were pure pleasure (for me).  I loved everything about him - from his look (he was tall, dark skinned totally masculine), his amazing body, his long legs, right down to the sexy underwear he wore (always tanga briefs).  I hope we can arrange a time to meet soon - I totally miss his touch, his kiss, his smell - everything about him.  I know he reads this blog - not sure how often though - but if he does - I still totally love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to reality - my view counter has whizzed up thousands of views since I installed it and I'm very excited to see it.  I know it's very pessimistic of me, but I don't have any reason to doubt its accuracy.  Thanks again to all who read, enjoy and comment.

I really enjoy getting your comments.  If people would like to send me comments privately by email, please let me know and I will forward you an email address.

Sunday, 28 March 2010

News and Views

Well I haven't been around the last few days so haven't had the time or the opportunity to post anything.  Yesterday, I wasn't alone in the office so was unable to post anything - although I think it would be also a little inappropriate (haha!).  It's strange because when I don't have the opportunity to blog I have loads of ideas in my head about what I want to blog about and then when I have the time to sit down and write, I can never remember any of the things I wanted to write.  I had even planned on making a list...but didn't!

Things in general are going pretty well.  The first and probably most important thing is that I am still running.  The last two "outings" have been incredibly successful.  Normally I walk Friday mornings but didn't have time so went out in the evening.  I'd had supper but felt like I was being lazy and should at least make minimum efforts.  So I get dressed and think I'll see what happens.  I'm walking for about 20 mins then I begin running.  It's tough but good.  I keep running and running and checking my watch and see I've made it to the 8 minutes but I don't feel I need to stop and keep going.  I look again at my watch and it's 12 minutes and I appear to have broken through the pain barrier.  I manage an additional 8 minutes and as I slow down my legs have turned to jelly.  I'm veering off to the left unable to pull myself back to the right.  Big fat me had managed to run for 20 minutes!

I was on a complete high.  Unable to think properly, talk or walk in a straight line, I didn't care!  I was feeling totally awesome and really felt I'd improved.

Went out again yesterday evening and again managed to shatter my previous record and ran non-stop at a slow and even pace for 26 minutes.  The weird thing is I'm actually enjoying running.  As I pass by another runner/jogger - there's an unspoken bond between us - runners look at each other and we all know what each other are going through.  Over the next couple of days may try and make it to 30 minutes which would be great.

Flirty office guy is looking good at the moment.  He was standing in front of me the other day and cleaned his glasses on his shirt.  I could see his slightly hairy, flat stomach staring at me and was so tempted to lean forward and lick it, but managed to restrain myself.  At the end of last week I stayed late at work and he came to say goodbye and gave me a good hug - that was nice!

The wife's new job seems to be going OK.  I think she's finding the long hours pretty tough but so far seems to be doing good.  She appears to be learning the material well and getting on good with the other employees.  I hope it lasts!  I'm hoping at the beginning of this month when she sees her first salary get paid into our bank account it should give her the drive to keep going.

I am still super horny.  I just don't have the time for the searches and meetings etc...I have found myself a few times in front of the webcam at home, but that doesn't come close to the real thing - although there's something very sexy about just staring at another guy's cock from the comfort of your own home.  I think one of the plus sides to webcam sex is that you can more or less be whoever you want to be.  In face-to-face encounters you can't claim to be 25 when you're over 35 - but it seems via the webcam you can be.  I personally see it as an opportunity to see the cocks of guys you'd never normally get a chance to see.  Maybe I'm a shit, but that's the way of life (in my opinion) in cyber world.

It's sometimes quite amazing (with a certain amount of luck) what you can get a guy to do on webcam (both straight and gay men).  I have seen people nail their scrotum to their desk, shit, shave themselves, piss, perform penile insertions, cover their body in graffitti and other things that would probably make your toes curl (if my list didn't!!).  Nobody was every forced to do anything and if that's how they get off....I'm only happy to watch!

My view counter (if it is genuine and correct) is now showing almost 13000 hits on my blog and I have added an additional 14 followers.  Much of that is due to Scott's Blog and I thank him again for that.  Thank you to everyone who is taking the time to read and cooment.

I'm not going to be around much the next couple of days - but I will be back hopefully blogging on Wednesday.


Thursday, 25 March 2010


When a good friend of mine showed me his blog and suggested I should write one too, I really had no idea what it would be or what I would write, I just knew that because of the "semi-inique" life I lead, it would definitely be interesting for those who are in the same situation.  As I look back at the older posts I can see in the last 3 or so months since I began I am developing a kind of style.  As someone who writes for a living, I understand the importance of writing style and doing my best to make sure that people read to the end.  I hope I will continue to improve and develop and increase my readership and followers.

Since entering blog world, it's also been a revelation to read the multitude of topics and issues that people blog about.  I have concentrated on the gay side of blogging in terms of following blogs with gay porn, pictures as well as the stories of guys in a similar situation to mine.  It's so interesting to see the different attitudes of people all around the world dealing with pretty much the same issues.  It's a kind of voyeurism into peoples' minds and not just their bedrooms.

Some blogs are fascinating reading, others are just full of pictures or videos.  Perhaps I am just sceptical but some blogs seem a little unreal to me - perhaps not being written by whom they claim is writing them.  Who knows?  

I was honoured enough to have a guy from the thegayeststr8guy blog to feature my blog.  This guy has the most amazing writing style.  I also love his attitude towards the gay side of his straight life.  Like him, I also don't think the whole issue of being married and gay too seriously.  I know I'm attracted to guys but also always knew the type of life I was going to lead.  Obviously, I'm not judging anyone.  I'm not interested in labels or for anyone to judge me.  Everyone must live their life the best way for them but sure, because of this some people make their lives very hard for themselves - I totally understand why they would do it but it's just not something I would do.

You can read about my blog here I Don't Understand it Either!!!.  Thanks again to Scott for taking his time and effort to write about my blog!  I have spoken to some really great people as a result of this blog and I'm really pleased.

Putting the hit counter on my blog has been a revelation.  When I put it there on Tuesday it was more for the curiousity to see how many people actually look at my blog.  I had about 30-31 followers and I thought that was it.  I am blown away by the fact that since Tuesday when I set the counter at 3200 (according to profile views) to see that at the time of writing this post the counter is now on 6540 - that means that over 3000 people have loaded this page.  That's amazing and I thank everyone who has been reading my blog!

Tuesday, 23 March 2010


Unaccustomed as I am to blogging twice in one day, I just wanted to mention that I have added a new view counter to my blog.  I am slowly but surely becoming more and more "blog savvy".  It is just interesting for me to see how many people look at my blog on a daily/weekly basis. 

I wasn't quite sure at which number to begin the counter - so I set it based on the number of views my profile has received so far (3200) - obviously I hope it's actually much higher than that.

Thanks again to everyone who reads, enjoys and comments on this blog.  I'm happy to receive any suggestions or emails from you all about what you like to see and read here or any personal comments you'd like to make.

Have a great day!

Unanswered Questions

I guess slowly, but surely we're getting into a routine of all the running about.  It's not always easy but at least it's working and being the positive person that I am (two people in last week made a point of mentioning my positive attitude) I am looking at the plus side of the running around and not the difficulties involved.

Yesterday evening I came back to the office after the afternoon taxi service was completed.  I friend of mine had arranged me some "private work" which kept me busy while in the office until 2300 and I was getting paid to do it.  That's always a bonus.  It wasn't difficult work and I'm pleased I did it.  Extra money is always fun to receive - especially when I'm doing it on regular office time and not my own hahahaha!!!

There's something very sexy about being in the office late at night, the quiet, the almost empty car park, the darkness outside.  There were still a few people wandering around (including Flirty office guy - but he was bogged under with some problem and couldn't "come out and play").  Maybe I'm just weird!

I'm still as horny as hell lately and haven't had any sex for a long time.  Would really like some sex badly - but just don't have the time for it right now - which is pretty annoying.  I'm still daydreaming about sex I had in the past.  One guy I met a couple of times was pretty wild.  I always remember him standing out at the meeting place because of the bright orange Ford Capri that he used to drive.  He had longish hair and was quite rough looking but had a certain rugged and very masculine look about him that really turned me on. 

Whether it was true or not the three or so times that we met - it just so happened that his girlfriend was out of town - but it was always handy.  He was tall and slim with a nice smooth body.  He was very masculine yet was totally passive with guys.  He would tell me that I could do absolutely anything to him and he would obey.  Looking back with the experience I have now, that could have been fantastic - but at the time I was still quite new to things and pretty naive so perhaps didn't take advantage of the offer as much as I could have.

He was probably one of the first guys that I actually fucked.  I remember I would sit on his bed and watch him strip for me.  He always wore sweat pants and underneath had big baggy boxer shorts.  His cock was always hard by the time he was naked.  One time, he told me that I could do as I wished with him and so I tied his hands behind his back - using the cord of his dressing gown and had him bent over his sofa - I remember the feeling of fucking him - having complete control over this strong, masculine guy as my cock slid inside him.  It's a feeling that has stayed with me forever and which I still enjoy - I guess that's the part of sex being fun.

When I was at that stage of my life with regard to meeting men, I was obviously very naive, very scared and incredibly cautious about doing things - he was the first guy that I had really wanted to stay in touch with.  Showing my age again, it was a long time before we had mobile phones and after we had fucked - I never had the courage to ask him for his phone number or to make a date to meet him again.  It was always just by chance that we would meet at the same place another time.

It's weird to think but this was probably around 20 years ago.  I wonder what has happened to him.  Did he marry his girlfriend?  Does he remember me?  Does he still fuck around with guys?  If I were to meet him again today would he still want me to do the same things to him?  Unfortunately these are questions I will probably never know the answer to.  But he definitely left me with some great memories. 

Friday, 19 March 2010


Although I've only been dieting for a couple of months, I like to think I'm beginning to feel the positive effects of the efforts I'm putting in to losing weight.  I am now trying at least twice a week to go out for a good power walk.  Almost every Friday morning I'm available as nobody is at home and that's my time.  I normally walk about 9 kilometers and the last few weeks I've been doing a bit of jogging too. 

When I first ran I could force myself to run for only about 2 minutes before I thought I was going to collapse.  Slowly every couple of weeks I have been trying to improve on that and today I managed to run non-stop for 13 minutes.  To any of the super-fit guys out there that probably doesn't seem like too much - but for a fat, lazy bastard like me - I'm totally proud of what I have achieved.  I am challenging myself with the running things to make my walks a bit more interesting - although I'm listening to music - walking can be very lonely and boring.  So giving myself this little challenge gives me something to work towards.

I came into the office today although it's closed as I have a lot of hours to make up because of my running around during the week.  Flirty office guy called me and we chatted for quite a long time about all kinds of stuff.  Not really sure why he called (he'd been in the office himself earlier but had to leave before I arrived [he had already called me earlier in the day to tell me he would be leaving earlier than planned]).  I enjoy speaking to him a lot and not just for the obvious reasons.  He's intelligent and a really nice guy to talk to. 

The other day as he left work he gave me a big hug too - I'm not sure why he did it - but I accepted the hug with open arms!!!

Yesterday was a weird day for me, not sure why.  I think it was a mixture of tiredness and stress with all the running around and I suddenly felt really low - it wasn't a panic or anxiety attack, but I just felt I wanted to be home and in bed.  But things have sorted themselves out today - the walk/run this morning definitely helped and I'm feeling much better now.

Also positive thoughts - and there's nothing that turns me on more than a sexy guy in a pair of tanga briefs with a hardon inside.  Definitely feeling better now!!!

Have wonderful weekend!

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

All Work No Play

My new role as the family taxi driver is getting to be pretty tough.  My day involves taking everyone in the morning and then picking them up again in the afternoon and evening and only when everyone else is safely home I can go back to work.  I'm lucky that I have the flexibility to do that at work.  But it's very, very tiring.  The additional and much more worrying aspect to this new role is that it leaves me with no time for "extra curricular activities".

This leaves me very horny, a little frustrated and with no other option other than to sit and remember some of the men and situations I've found myself in during my much more slutty years!

One of the earliest I remember was the very first time I actually went back to someone's house for a fuck.  I must have been about 17 at the time.  I was on my way home (I can't remember where from) and had got off the train a few stops early to go to a sex shop which I had heard about and wanted to go visit.  I wandered around until I found the shop and took a deep breath before going inside.  The first thing you saw as you walked in was the array of restraints - handcuffs, chains and ropes and nooses etc...  Then as you walked through a rather grubby black curtain, the dimly lit shop displayed dildos and vibrators and latex cocks in every imaginable shape, colour and size.  Along another wall were hundreds of video covers (yes videos, not DVDs - it was a long time ago).  On another wall was a clothes rail with various rubber, leather and latex clothes carefully arranged.  In the far corner of the shop was a rack containing various gay porno magazines catering for every possible whim or desire. 

There were another 3 or 4 men wandering around the shop with another couple of guys coming in and out.  I walked over to the porno mag section and started thumbing through a few of them.   Although I had some experience with men, it was still pretty early days for me and seeing these pictures of the beautiful naked men was incredibly exciting.

There was another guy also flicking through the magazines, each time I looked up I noticed that he was staring at me then looking back at his magazine.  He was wearing a black bomber jacket, black jeans and Doc Marten boots.  He was slightly shorter than me and balding but very masculine and good looking.  I looked at him again and noticed him "adjusting" himself.  In the dim light I could notice that he had quite a bulge in his jeans.  That immediately made me hard too.  The looking at each other and adjusting our cocks went on for a few minutes before he put down his magazine and walked towards the shop exit.

My eyes followed him as he walked out and just before the exit he stopped to look at the dildo display then turned around, made eye contact with me, adjusted himself and went for the exit.  I began to walk towards the exit too ... he saw me coming as he walked through the curtain.  I walked through too and he was standing there with a big smile his face - he immediately grabbed my cock over my jeans and just smiled.  I smiled back nervously.

He began talking to me, just the regular small talk - asked what I'm doing in the area, what did I think of the stuff in the shop and then says if I'm busy.  I said "no, I'm just on my way home" and he asks if I want to come back to his, he lives just around the corner.  My mind immediately begins racing on the one hand I'm thinking yes, yes, yes but I'd never been to anyone's house before.  Doing it in the car or in the park was a lot different.  I said, sure I'll come back.  We walked to his flat in a big block just 5 minutes walk from where we'd met.  We go up the stairs and he opens the door and leads me into the lounge.  Suddenly I was nervous - what if he was to kill me, who'd ever find me here?  Who was this guy?  What was I doing here?  I needed to pee!  He directed me to the toilet and I got myself together.

I went back to the lounge and found him sitting on an armchair wearing just a white t-shirt and a pair of tight black briefs.  He immediately got down on his knees and pulled out my rock hard cock and began sucking on me, it felt great.  I pulled him up and he lead me to the bedroom and lay down on his back.  I climbed on the bed, my jeans still around my ankles.  I began sucking on his cock too, fingering his arse at the same time.  We were both very horny and there was a crazy animal attraction between us.  Once his cock was nice and wet I began stroking his cock, I could tell it wouldn't be long before he came.  I began stroking mine at the same time.  I'm kneeling between his spread legs wanking both our cocks - flicking his balls with each stroke.  Almost simultaneously we both shoot - my cum flying over his cock, stomach and smooth chest and then fall on a heap next to him on the bed.

As the feeling faded my nerves returned.  Before he had a chance to say anything I stood up pulling my jeans up and said I didn't realise how late it was and I had to run and before he even had a chance to say anything I was dressed and out the door on my way back.

That was a long time ago, here I am now 20 years later sitting in my office late in the evening - all grown up and married - but still feeling just as horny as I did then.  Reminiscing about days gone by, too busy and too tired to do anything about it - realising for the time being it really is all work and no play.

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Getting Better Still

All the new arrangements that we have had to make with the start of my wife's work are beginning to fall into place.  It's not easy and it's a lot of running around (for me) most often as a taxi driver, but I'm definitely not complaining and the reason for all these changes is definitely worthwhile and something I'd been waiting a long time for.

I made my monthly visit today to my dietitian today and yes, more good news - I lost another 3 kilos.  It's actually a bit less than I was hoping for but it's definitely going in the right direction which makes me very happy indeed.  I'm going back again in a month and I really want to make an extra effort this month and lose more than I did this last month.

The dietitian also made a point of saying something about my positive attitude and how lucky my wife is that I'm so eager to improve myself and others and to make such a drastic change - I could do nothing but agree with her!  I have always had a positive attitude to most things (bar my last post) and explained to her about when I was ill and how positive I am.  She agreed with me about how having a positive attitude towards things can make such a big difference - be it dieting and food or chemotherapy and health. 

Having read some of the comments that were posted yesterday I must agree with everyone.  I need to enjoy the good times and not be worrying about the bad stuff.  Having re-read my post yesterday, I think I sounded a little ungrateful.  I now realise that we should be happy with the good times and enjoy them and not just wait for the bad stuff to happen!  Thank you all for the encouragement and kind words!

The weather is still very hot, we're having a mini-heatwave at the moment so with temperatures in the region of 35 degrees - nothing could be better.  Other than lying on a beach naked next to the man you love.  But seeing as that isn't possible (and for those that read this blog and have been naked on the beach with me - I still care a lot for you!!!) just dreaming about it is a very good step forward!

The weekend is looming and I don't have any plans.  Basically a large part of it is going to be spent working and catching up on hours missed with all my running around this week.  But like I said at the beginning, it's definitely worth it!

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend.  Lots of happiness and good luck!

Wednesday, 10 March 2010

Optimistic Pessimism (or Pessimistic Optimism)

I'm normally quite an optimist, but in every optimistic thought there is almost always a pessimistic side to things.  At the moment things are pretty good.  My wife is working and seems to be enjoying herself, she's working with nice people, doing something I'm sure she'll be very good and using her brain for other things other than irritating nonsense.  So obviously I'm very happy.

I went to the hospital to get the results of my recent check-ups and everything is good - the results were fine.  I had taken the whole day off work, so enjoyed the little bit of time I had to myself. 

Although not ideal, the way things are working with getting everyone to work in the morning and getting them home again in the evening and nursery runs and play-mates in between seems to be working OK.

So all-in-all things are pretty good and obviously very optimistic that things will continue this way.  But my "problem" is for how long will things continue like this?  All good things must come to an end at some point.  I like to be prepared, should I prepare myself for the inevitable fall or should I just ride the wave and when the fall comes deal with it then? 

I guess I'm pretty crazy for even thinking about such things.  I'm trying as much as possible to enjoy the good times and not think about what may happen in the future and if and when it does happen, to just deal with it then.  Perhaps I'm not as optimistic as I like to think I am.

The weather is getting hotter and hotter, which is something I love.  I know it happens to a lot of guys but the warmer the weather gets it seems the hornier I get too.  Flirty office guy is looking particularly sexy at the moment and I would love to put my hands under his shirt to show him how warm my hands are.  I've found myself looking a few times at the Picassa pics of his honeymoon that he sent me - where he's wearing nothing more than a swimming shorts!!! 

Wishing you all a wonderful day and hope you are all as happy as I'm feeling at the moment.

Sunday, 7 March 2010

The Importance of Being Employed

Well I'm hoping that today is the start of a whole new change of direction for me and my family.  My wife started her new job today.  I really hope for her (and me) that this works out well.  She's had pretty bad luck with lots of jobs that she's held.  She's had some really crazy bosses.  So far, this new company seems good.  The people she says, so far, are nice and she's doing what she's been trained to do and I'm sure she'll be good at it.

The implications for us as a family now that my wife is working are immense.  Obviously, the financial side of things is great.  We've been in a lot of financial shit for such a long time, it will be great to have an extra income in the family.  But in my opinion that is just a small part of the importance of working.  She is, at long last (it's been more than a year since she walked out on her last job), using her brain again.  Hopefully, not worrying about stupid little things because of a lack of interest in other things and she will be dealing with more important and more interesting issues.

Working adds structure to your life - whether you like it or not.  It gives you the opportunity to know that you must get up in the morning get dressed and to be doing something useful (although sometimes boring) with yourself and your life.

Also, the social aspect of working is no less important.  Working with like-minded people, with similar qualifications, meeting new and possibly interesting people too.  Hopefully though, nobody as interesting as Flirty office guy.  He came into the office over the weekend and he called me on to see if I was coming in too.  Of course I was.  I even left earlier than I had planned to and in a completely opposite direction so that I could give him a lift home too.  At so many points along the 20-30 minute journey I wanted so move my hand over and put it on his leg...but I didn't.  He invited me to go to his place (I think his wife was in) or we could have gone out for "ice cream" but I declined.

The (imaginary) chase goes on.  Maybe we'll be together one day.  Maybe we're just friends.  In the meantime we're definitely friends and I'm happy with that too.  I think Flirty office guy is a genuinely really nice guy. 

But I still wouldn't say no to getting to know him a little better.  Who knows???

Thursday, 4 March 2010

Looking Up

Things are still very quiet at the moment I'm just working away, as usual but I've got quite a lot done recently and once I get past the next week or so the pressure should be right off me and I can get back to doing what I enjoy doing most when I'm in the office .... surfing for porn and playing online games of course!!!

Mr Crazy spoke to my wife today and seems convinced that he can return our "friendship" back to what it was before.  He was even trying to persuade her to get me to go back to teaching his son - which isn't something I want to do.  News on the job front is looking very positive - although the company hasn't given her a definite yes, they have told her that if the graphologist report is OK (and they are not foreseeing any specific problems) then she should be starting to work as soon as next week - which will be excellent.  It will improve our lives in so many ways having an extra income and although financially we're in quite a lot of shit, it will definitely help us to start sorting ourselves out.

Diet is going OK too - I'm definitely feeling less bloated and I am being very good with my food intake and doing regular exercise.  I am back at the dietitian next week - so hope to have good results there too.

Now that I'm documenting my life, it's strange how I can see the ups and down so much clearer.  As I hope is obvious from what I'm writing, there is definitely a very optimistic air to my posts - I definitely hope this continues!

I've had quite a lot of M2M sex in my time, as much as I don't particularly like doing it, many of the encounters have been one-off meetings that have lead to nothing.  What's weird is that some of these meetings are forgotten five minutes after they've finished (sometimes less) yet others stick with you forever.  Probably 2-3 years ago I met a guy, he was a very average-looking, ginger-haired guy.  The meeting with him always stuck in my mind for the reason that despite looking so Mr Average, when I undressed him, he had probably one of the biggest cocks I had ever seen.  It was truly gargantuan and he was very passive and enjoyed being fucked - it happened and neither of us expected it to.  Always fun when that happens!  I hadn't heard from him since then - yesterday he contacted me and was interested in meeting again.  We chatted a bit and he seems a really nice guy - we didn't meet but he said that he would like to.  I wonder if he was just in a moment of horniness or whether he'll contact me again. 

I noticed there are a few new followers to this blog - so welcome to you.  Thanks for all those who leave messages and have a great weekend everyone.