The musings and ramblings of a horny, married and closeted gay guy!!!!
Monday, 31 May 2010
Now that I have spent the best part of 5 months documenting my life, it seems very bloody boring a lot of the time. I read a lot of other blogs and some of the guys seem to lead such exciting lives with non-stop action and fucking all over the place and amazing stories. It makes my blog seem a little lacking. I often wish I had the freedom of movement that so many other guys seem to have in terms of working and getting out and running around during the day - my work is totally office-based so don't have the opportunity to wander around.
But on the bright side, I don't work so hard and I sit in front of the computer and spend a way-too-large part of my day looking at things which I know I shouldn't be looking at - but it fills a void to a certain extent. But being the optimistic guy that I am, I prefer to be happy with what I've got and not worry about being like other guys. Nobody says their lives are any easier or better or more fulfilling than mine.
Not so long ago I met a "fuck buddy" of mine. I have mentioned him before on my threesome post. He's the MD of a company and the most masculine man you could possibly imagine. His big and has a tough look on his face all the time, yet when he's with another guy he loves to be totally passive. There's something about that mixture that just drives me wild.
Although we've known each other for a number of years, we actually meet very rarely due to timetable conflicts. We had been exchanging emails and we planned to meet late in the evening in a quiet area surrounded by small forest. It was very dark and that only added to the fun. I parked my car and jumped into his jeep as we headed deeper into the trees. We drove for a couple of minutes and found a quiet clearing. He's probably about 6' 5" and about 130 kg - but there is something very sexy about him. He's also hairy - which is something I do like on a man!
We both got out of the jeep and I walked around to his side. I immediately stripped him naked - pulling off his white t-shirt and taking down his sweat pants - he had no underwear on. I grabbed his cock hard and squeezed it tight. He squirmed, but I knew he liked it. I ordered him to his knees and he began opening my belt and jeans. I pulled them down and he began sucking me. I began to push his head down on my already rock hard cock. I then grabbed his head and began fucking his mouth. He was gagging - but I continued.
I pulled him up and we began kissing. It was always something he was dead-set against, but I have managed to persuade him to learn to like it and albeit a little reluctantly he kissed me back. I also know that he loves have his arse played with - and I am always happy to oblige. He leaned into his car and pulled out a small plastic bag with condoms and KY inside. He handed me the KY and I began smearing it generously on his hole. I immediately began playing with his hole and then slid 1 finger inside. His whole framed jumped as it went inside as I began fucking him with my finger from behind. He had the driver's door open and was leaning over - his head on the driver's seat of the car. I now had 2 fingers inside him and was spanking him relentlessly - each time he was asking for more!
I leaned over his back and grabbed his head and pulled it back (he likes it rough) and ask him if he wants me to fuck him. He said yes and I made him say it loud and to tell me that he wants to get fucked by me. When he had told me enough I made him get a condom out and then put it on my throbbing dick.
I pushed him back over - and pushed his head down into the driver's seat and pushed my cock inside him hard and fast. He jumped again, but I know how he likes it, so I didn't stop and began pumping away at him - holding his head down spanking his arse at the same time. It felt good. I was close but wasn't ready to cum. So I pulled out of him and took the belt off my jeans. While he was still leaning over, I grabbed his arms behind his back and began whipping him with my belt. Each time the belt slapped on his buttocks I made him ask for another one (a la Animal House - please sir, may I have another!).
I went back to fucking him some more - I was so horny - I couldn't stop myself - I knew he was rock hard too. I pulled and turned him around towards me. I used my belt to tie his hands behind his back before grabbing his cock and jerking him off - he tried to release his hands but I pulled tighter on the belt around his wrists - jerking him non-stop. He was groaning with pleasure - his body almost completely under my control. I felt his cock twitch and he began shooting an enormous load on the floor by the wheel of his car - his cock was so sensitive his body jerked each time I stroked his cum-covered cock. I put him back on his knees, his hands still tied behind his back as he began to suck me off to satisfaction - I pulled out of his mouth just as I was about to shoot and let him watch my load fly into the same direction as his.
Both of us dressed and got back into the jeep as he took me back to where I'd parked my car. We shook hands and said we must do it again soon.
Of all the things I've done with other guys, all the people I've met and had sex with and all the different places I've done these things one of the most "exciting" places has definitely been the sauna.
I'd heard about gay saunas a lot but had never had the courage to go and visit. I had always imagined them to be very daunting, even frightening, with men wandering around menacing the other people there. I don't know where this idea came from and I later learned that I couldn't have been more wrong.
It was by chance the first time I ever went to a sauna. I was at a local cruising area in the middle of the day. An older guy began staring at me before approaching me and we began to chat. It was a very hot day and the cruising area was pretty dry. He asked me if I'd ever been to the sauna and I told him that I hadn't. He said that he was thinking of going there and would I like to join him - he even offered to pay for me to go. I wasn't too sure what to do but immediately found myself saying "yes, I'd love to". I'm never one to turn down a good adventure and he reassured me that my ideas about what goes on in the sauna were totally wrong. We headed towards his car and we chatted some more. He was a very nice guy, a lawyer. He told me in the car that we could fool around together but that I didn't need to feel obliged to be with him and that I could go and do my own thing.
He parked the car and we headed down a small alleyway off a busy road. We entered a side door of a large, old building. There was a large doctors surgery upstairs and people were walking in and out (unaware I'm sure of what goes on in the building) but we went downstairs into the basement. As we went down the second flight of stairs the entire atmosphere changed and it was much darker.
The lawyer rang a doorbell and a man suddenly appeared at a little window by a door. "Two for the sauna please". The lawyer paid the money and he was handed two freshly laundered towels and the door buzzed and we went inside. We walked straight into the locker room. I wasn't too sure what to do, but the lawyer told me to undress and put the towel on.
Some of the customers already inside heard the door buzz and several guys wrapped in just a towel appeared in the locker room and fumbled about at their locker. I undressed and waited for the lawyer to put his towel on. At the far end of the locker room was the entrance into the sauna. We walked through into a lounge area with a large screen TV showing some hard core gay porn film. A couple of guys were lounging on the sofas watching the film. Across the room was a large window looking into a large jacuzzi with about 3 guys sitting inside. Music was also playing very loudly. The lawyer motioned me through another door into the shower area. Another door from the shower area lead into the steam room. I walked inside. There were a few guys inside but it took me a while to make out what was happening in there until my eyes adjusted to the darkness and the steam.
I saw there were large steps against the wall where some guys were sitting so I went and sat down. The lawyer guy sat next to me. I felt his hand on my thigh, stroking it gently as his hand slid up my leg to my rock hard cock. The whole place was electric, you could feel the sex in the atmosphere of the place. It was very calm and I was getting very sweaty. I put my hand on his leg and felt his small, hard cock and we began stroking each other gently. I leaned into him and said I could hardly breath in here and he said I should go for a walk around and that he was staying in the steam room for a while.
I went out to explore further. Once outside the shower area, I noticed a wooden door which lead into the dry steam room. I went inside but it was empty. I sat for a minute trying to tolerate the heat, but it got too much for me. I left the room and made my way back to the lounge area - I noticed a black curtain to another room. I walked through it and realised it was the beds. There were two levels of cubicles containing mattresses. Each cubicle had its own curtain giving the occupants a certain level of privacy. I stood still and listened. I could hear couples inside the cubicles - groaning, slapping and the general sounds of people having sex.
I was still in a certain level of shock. This place was almost magical. It was full of naked men having sex or cruising for sex. There was no need to worry about being seen or getting caught. Suddenly the curtain to the cubicle area opened and the lawyer walked towards me with a smile on his face. He leaned into me and in a whisper he asked me "so, what do you think?". As he leaned in to speak, I felt him grab my cock again. I was so horny, the place, the atmosphere, the new experience had sent my horniness levels over the top. He lead me into one of the cubicles closing the curtain behind us before taking off his towel (and mine) and laying me down on the mattress.
He began to suck my cock and at the same time I leaned forward and grabbed his cock. We were both horny and both of us came pretty quickly.
I had probably only been at the sauna for about an hour, but it left a great taste and me definitely wanting more. I later discovered another sauna which was literally a five minute walk from my office. I used to visit it frequently. I found it very difficult to sit in the office and concentrate when I knew that just a few minutes away there were guys having sex and I always want to be a part of it. It was almost like an addiction on which I spent too much time and too much money.
Eventually I changed job and now almost never get the chance to go to the sauna, maybe once or twice a year. But the adventures that I've had there have generally been very good and very exciting.
My last few posts have been somewhat sex-related and I don't think I've been dedicating nearly enough time to my blog as I should be. For anyone who is even remotely interested, a quick update of what's being going on in my life is here!
I'm a little devastated at the moment - Flirty office guy told me a couple of days ago that he is leaving the company. He has been offered a new job in a start-up company and in less than a month will no longer be working here. Does this mean I will never get to see him naked? To touch him intimately? I really don't know - but it's not looking good. I'm sure we'll still stay in touch and remain friends but it does mean there will be no more working late or together anymore. But I'm hoping for a long lingering goodbye kiss at the very least.
On a happier note, I was at the dietitian this week and I lost another 2.5 kilos. So in total, so far, I have lost just over 10 kilos which makes me very, VERY happy. (That's 1½ stone to the UK readers!!). It really hasn't been too difficult at all. Because of the crazy work hours I'm doing at the moment I'm not running nearly as much as I should be - but the fact is the weight is coming off slowly, but surely and that can only be a good thing. The dietitian and I kind of agreed that I would go for losing another 5 kilos and then we would "talk again" about whether that would be enough or whether I should continue going to see her. I really enjoy my "sessions" with her and see it as some good therapy - talking with someone who can understand a lot of what is happening with me.
I am also currently in the middle of a parental visit. My parents live overseas and haven't actually seen them (excluding Skype) for just over a year. My daughter is very excited as she really misses them. I enjoy seeing them, but they can be very hard work! They're only here for a week and so far - everything is going OK. My wife is behaving very well with them and has been very welcoming (which is quite a pleasant change). I just hope we can get through the weekend without any major mishaps and I'll be home and dry!!!
I would still love to hear from anyone to my email with comments, questions, pictures, requests. I love receiving the feedback from the people who read my blog and it definitely gives me the drive and desire to continue writing.
At the time of writing this post, my stat counter shows that 50,983 people have viewed my blog. I think that's pretty fantastic. I've had emails, comments and other communications from people who have helped make this blog into what it has become. It's definitely a process of evolution and so far I'm pretty happy with the outcome. Thank you to everyone, you the readers who have made this possible.
Now we've got the Oscar award ceremony out of the way, in my last post I promised a big post to commemorate smashing through the 50,000 visitors barrier.
I thought I'd write about the first time I fell in love with another guy. I was at a local cruising site on my way home from work. It was about 1800 in the evening. The usual walking around was going on. There wasn't much happening. I noticed one guy staring at me, I looked back at him. He wasn't beautiful but had great eyes. He was blond, well built, wearing white trousers and a black jacket.
He walked over to the park area and sat on the grass. I watched him and saw him staring at me. I walked in his direction and he smiled at me, motioning for me to join him on the grass. I sat down next to him and we began chatting. He was student nurse.
One thing led to another and before long we had wandered off into the bushes. I could already tell that he was a great lover. We were sucking each other and it was very sensual. Under his white trousers (he's was a nurse!) he was wearing tight and very sexy tanga briefs - just how I like them. We were in the middle of enjoying ourselves and there was already a definite connection between us. We heard a noise and noticed someone staring at us, we both stopped and I instinctively hugged hum both to hold him close and to "protect" him - I don't know what from. We were kissing a lot, lots of touching, sucking, feeling and lots of passion between us - something stronger and deeper than would normally happen at a cruising place.
We both came long and hard and I was expecting us to both zip up and move on, but we carried on talking and kissing even after we'd finished. We both had buses to catch (going in opposite directions) and we exchanged numbers. I knew it was the polite thing to do, but didn't expect to hear from him. I didn't have the nerve to call someone but kinda hoped he would call me.
I arrived at work the next day, still thinking about yesterday's escapade, wondering if he would call. The morning dragged and by lunchtime I realised he wouldn't call. I went off to lunch and came back and saw that I had a message on my voice mail. (I didn't have a mobile phone then and I'd given him my direct office line). Expecting it to be from my wife and listened to the message. It was from him. He said how much he'd enjoyed meeting me yesterday and said he would call back in 1 hour. I didn't move from my desk.
He called exactly on time. The conversation wasn't at all difficult and he said he was leaving university and would be in my area later - would I like to meet? Damn right I did!! He arrived just as he said. I had my car with me that day and we drove off into some orchards about a 20 minute drive from my office. We found a quiet spot, parked the car and got out. We found a small clearing and I took a blanket out of my car and we between the long grass in the open air we lay on the blanket together. We began kissing again and before long we were both naked. We didn't have sex, but did pretty much everything else! We seemed so suited together and talked for ages. His body was covered in a soft, blond fur and I couldn't stop touching and stroking him. The connection between us grew stronger each minute we were together.
I began to learn more and more about him. He was single, semi-out-of-the-closet, living at home with his parents. When I was with him I felt like I wanted to tell him everything about me and he was the same. We had not secrets between us. It was the first time I had been so open and honest with another guy about me and my life.
We would meet often. One time I disappeared from work for half a day and went to his house when his parents were away. That was the first time he fucked me, on his bed. It was the first time anyone had ever been inside me. It felt so good. We spent the whole afternoon together curled up in his bed and then on the sofa watching a film together. I felt so happy. There was lots of shit going on in my life at that time and being with him was an oasis away from all this shit.
I knew his work schedule and after work, when I could, I would meet him at the hospital he worked at - finding a corner so that we could just hug and have a kiss. He had even introduced me to his colleagues as his brother (who lived overseas and was just visiting). I'm not sure why. One time, we ended up having sex in the toilets on a hospital ward. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. I used to love seeing him at work - always in his white uniform - being able to see the outline of his tight tanga briefs underneath and if we were alone he'd let me rub his arse so I could feel them - sometimes letting me put my hand inside his trousers so that I could feel how hard he was!
On another occasion, my wife was away and he spent the night at my house. I picked him up and we made supper and spent the rest of the night fucking, kissing and holding each other. It was one of the best experiences ever waking up in the morning cuddled up tight next to him, both of us naked. He was late for university and so we hurriedly showered together, got dressed and went on our way. But not before we fucked again. Him fucking me and then me fucking him. I trusted him implicitly and knew I was safe and comfortable with him. It was perfect.
But nothing stays perfect forever.
Since I didn't have a mobile phone he wanted me to call him when I arrived at work and we'd speak. He wanted me to call him too before I left work. If for some reason I'd arrived at work late or left early, there would be messages on my voice mail - Where was I? Why hadn't I called? I began to feel as though we were married. I'm not a confrontation or argumentative person as a rule and would often find myself excusing myself why I hadn't called.
From the first time we'd met, he always knew I was married and that was not going to change. He was amazingly understanding of the situation and never tried to change that situation. He had friends and if I would ask him what his plans were for the weekend, he would often say "if I can't be with you then I'm not going out!" I knew he meant it and I also knew that it wasn't fair.
I began to realise that our relationship had reached the point where there was nowhere for it to go. I loved him so much - he was a genuinely honest and good person - and they are very hard to find. But I also knew that it wasn't fair that no matter what we did or where we did it, at the end of the day I would get up and go home.
The relationship gradually faded away. We hadn't spoken for a couple of months when one day I had a voice mail message from him. He had remembered my birthday and he had said that no matter what happened between us birthdays come before everything. I don't know why, but I never returned his call.
I still think about him almost everyday. I even found him on Facebook (I think) but didn't contact him. I'm sure he has a good and happy life and is probably making someone somewhere as happy as he made me.
So we drive into his apartment complex. It was all newly built and very smart. I park my car next to his and we head inside.
We went up to his flat - it was very impressive. I don't know whether it was his or a rental but everything inside was exquisite. On the wall were old Hollywood-style film posters and the furniture was perfectly positioned.
We went into the lounge and sat on the sofa and chatted a bit. Then he offered me a drink and I took my usual glass of water. He brought the drinks then said he need to pee - he came back into the lounge but hadn't closed his jeans. He looked very sexy and comfortable. I could just see the top of his tight, white boxers as the top of his jeans folded over.
As I sat on the sofa, he stood in front of me. I put my hands on his jeans and began to pull them down. I could tell immediately how hard he was. With his jeans around his ankles I began to nuzzle his cock with my nose and tongue. He expertly took off his shoes and stepped out of his jeans. I began to slide his boxers down. His cock was thin and rock hard - shooting out of a bush of tight blond curls. I took his cock in my mouth and began sucking on it playing with his balls at the same time. While I was sucking on his cock he took off his shirt.
He pulled out his cock and says "I'll be right back, get naked!". I stripped naked as he returned with a towel which he lay on the floor in front of the sofa. He whispered in my ear that he loves to get fucked. I thought to myself, who am I to deny his wish??!!! He leaned forward exposing his cute little arse to pull a packet of condoms out of his jeans pocket and hands them to me. He immediately got down on all 4s on the towel as I fumbled around to put the condom on. By now I was already rock hard too. I began working his arse a little. Getting it ready for me.
I was very gentle with him. My cock was just touching his hole. I could feel him pushing back on me. I let him. He took a deep breath as the first cm slid inside. Slowly as I pushed forward and he pushed back I could feel myself sliding inside him. He was hungry for my cock. I left my cock inside him and could feel him clenching his cheeks around it. I slowly began to pull out and could hear his hunger. I began to get into a rhythm sliding it in and out. My hands massaging his back as I moved back and forth in and out of him. I put my hand underneath him and grabbed his cock with my stomach resting on his back, my cock deep inside.
I suddenly realised his need for a towel on the floor - as I stroked his cock and fucked him slowly - I felt his entire body shudder as he began shooting his thick cum on my hand and onto the towel (protecting his nice carpet). At almost the same time I pulled my cock out from him and shot my load over his arse and back - he turned round and lay on his back (on the towel) and I lay on top of him. We kissed. He had enjoyed himself as much as I had.
We met another couple of times after that and the routine was pretty much the same. We would meet, by chance, at the same cruising spot and I would go back to his house. After that, I never saw him again!
I apologise for not having finished this post last week, as promised. I just didn't have the time.
I am planning a big post for my 50,000 hits which should be in the next couple of days. Thanks to everyone who is supporting, reading and contributing to my blog.
Having spent the last few nights working with the big boss at long last my working day routine is getting back to some level of normality. The hardest part is never knowing when he's going to call me. It could be in the afternoon but it could also be late in the evening - we normally didn't start working until around 1730.
Thankfully, although the hours were quite long - I was with him a couple of nights until after 2300, it's quite stressful - but it wasn't too difficult and I got through it with a small and meaningless thank you. It never harms work prospects to suck-up to the boss.
My blog is still slowly evolving. I've now added an email address and I've added a globe which gives me some indication of where people are in the world who have been looking at my blog. Although I haven't posted much lately, I've been keeping up to date with the blogs of others. It's quite amazing how many stories of guys in a similar situation to mine, who could be anywhere all over the world, have similar stories, feelings and experiences. It's definitely good to know that I'm not the only one out there and it's so great to read their stories. These other blogs always bring hidden memories that had long been forgotten by me to the front again.
One time I was at a cruising spot mentioned in my post I Still Don't Know!. I think I had popped in to the car park after a day at university. There were a few cars parked at various spots in the car park. I parked opposite a red Fiesta XR2. That was a cool car at the time, so guessed the driver must be youngish also. I was listening to the radio. I noticed the driver of the car staring at me. It was about 17:00 and beginning to get dark. He looked like he was early 20s wearing a black puffa jacket. He got out of his car and headed down into the woods. He had curly blond hair, wearing jeans and black boots. He stared directly at me as he walked past my car.
I waited a little about 30 seconds after he'd gone past and too got out of the car. He saw that I had followed him. He continued walking down a winding path and occasionally looked around to make sure I was following him. The adrenalin beginning to circulate through my body. The guy suddenly turned off the track and into the trees. I watched him carefully and then followed him.
He stopped walking after a minute or two and stood by a tree. I walked by him, both of us staring at each other and too stopped at a tree nearby. We stood staring at each other as he began to rub his cock over his jeans. I slowly approached him and moved my hand so that I was now rubbing his cock. He was already hard. He put his hand on me and we began to kiss.
Suddenly we heard a noise and both of us instinctively turned around at the same time. Someone had followed me and he was staring at us. The blond guy leaned into me and whispered "do you want to come back to my place for some privacy?". I was horny as hell and agreed. As we turned to walk away, the guy who bothered us also turned and walked off. We walked together and headed back to our cars. He told me to follow him and that he lived in a flat not too far away on a new development which I new well. We drove out of the car park and headed towards his place.
I'm just a pretty normal married, closeted gay guy on the outside and a pretty complex guy on the inside. I've had cancer and been through quite a lot of stuff. Just looking to have fun and share my experiences with others!