The musings and ramblings of a horny, married and closeted gay guy!!!!
Thursday, 13 May 2010
50,893 - Love
At the time of writing this post, my stat counter shows that 50,983 people have viewed my blog. I think that's pretty fantastic. I've had emails, comments and other communications from people who have helped make this blog into what it has become. It's definitely a process of evolution and so far I'm pretty happy with the outcome. Thank you to everyone, you the readers who have made this possible.
Now we've got the Oscar award ceremony out of the way, in my last post I promised a big post to commemorate smashing through the 50,000 visitors barrier.
I thought I'd write about the first time I fell in love with another guy. I was at a local cruising site on my way home from work. It was about 1800 in the evening. The usual walking around was going on. There wasn't much happening. I noticed one guy staring at me, I looked back at him. He wasn't beautiful but had great eyes. He was blond, well built, wearing white trousers and a black jacket.
He walked over to the park area and sat on the grass. I watched him and saw him staring at me. I walked in his direction and he smiled at me, motioning for me to join him on the grass. I sat down next to him and we began chatting. He was student nurse.
One thing led to another and before long we had wandered off into the bushes. I could already tell that he was a great lover. We were sucking each other and it was very sensual. Under his white trousers (he's was a nurse!) he was wearing tight and very sexy tanga briefs - just how I like them. We were in the middle of enjoying ourselves and there was already a definite connection between us. We heard a noise and noticed someone staring at us, we both stopped and I instinctively hugged hum both to hold him close and to "protect" him - I don't know what from. We were kissing a lot, lots of touching, sucking, feeling and lots of passion between us - something stronger and deeper than would normally happen at a cruising place.
We both came long and hard and I was expecting us to both zip up and move on, but we carried on talking and kissing even after we'd finished. We both had buses to catch (going in opposite directions) and we exchanged numbers. I knew it was the polite thing to do, but didn't expect to hear from him. I didn't have the nerve to call someone but kinda hoped he would call me.
I arrived at work the next day, still thinking about yesterday's escapade, wondering if he would call. The morning dragged and by lunchtime I realised he wouldn't call. I went off to lunch and came back and saw that I had a message on my voice mail. (I didn't have a mobile phone then and I'd given him my direct office line). Expecting it to be from my wife and listened to the message. It was from him. He said how much he'd enjoyed meeting me yesterday and said he would call back in 1 hour. I didn't move from my desk.
He called exactly on time. The conversation wasn't at all difficult and he said he was leaving university and would be in my area later - would I like to meet? Damn right I did!! He arrived just as he said. I had my car with me that day and we drove off into some orchards about a 20 minute drive from my office. We found a quiet spot, parked the car and got out. We found a small clearing and I took a blanket out of my car and we between the long grass in the open air we lay on the blanket together. We began kissing again and before long we were both naked. We didn't have sex, but did pretty much everything else! We seemed so suited together and talked for ages. His body was covered in a soft, blond fur and I couldn't stop touching and stroking him. The connection between us grew stronger each minute we were together.
I began to learn more and more about him. He was single, semi-out-of-the-closet, living at home with his parents. When I was with him I felt like I wanted to tell him everything about me and he was the same. We had not secrets between us. It was the first time I had been so open and honest with another guy about me and my life.
We would meet often. One time I disappeared from work for half a day and went to his house when his parents were away. That was the first time he fucked me, on his bed. It was the first time anyone had ever been inside me. It felt so good. We spent the whole afternoon together curled up in his bed and then on the sofa watching a film together. I felt so happy. There was lots of shit going on in my life at that time and being with him was an oasis away from all this shit.
I knew his work schedule and after work, when I could, I would meet him at the hospital he worked at - finding a corner so that we could just hug and have a kiss. He had even introduced me to his colleagues as his brother (who lived overseas and was just visiting). I'm not sure why. One time, we ended up having sex in the toilets on a hospital ward. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. I used to love seeing him at work - always in his white uniform - being able to see the outline of his tight tanga briefs underneath and if we were alone he'd let me rub his arse so I could feel them - sometimes letting me put my hand inside his trousers so that I could feel how hard he was!
On another occasion, my wife was away and he spent the night at my house. I picked him up and we made supper and spent the rest of the night fucking, kissing and holding each other. It was one of the best experiences ever waking up in the morning cuddled up tight next to him, both of us naked. He was late for university and so we hurriedly showered together, got dressed and went on our way. But not before we fucked again. Him fucking me and then me fucking him. I trusted him implicitly and knew I was safe and comfortable with him. It was perfect.
But nothing stays perfect forever.
Since I didn't have a mobile phone he wanted me to call him when I arrived at work and we'd speak. He wanted me to call him too before I left work. If for some reason I'd arrived at work late or left early, there would be messages on my voice mail - Where was I? Why hadn't I called? I began to feel as though we were married. I'm not a confrontation or argumentative person as a rule and would often find myself excusing myself why I hadn't called.
From the first time we'd met, he always knew I was married and that was not going to change. He was amazingly understanding of the situation and never tried to change that situation. He had friends and if I would ask him what his plans were for the weekend, he would often say "if I can't be with you then I'm not going out!" I knew he meant it and I also knew that it wasn't fair.
I began to realise that our relationship had reached the point where there was nowhere for it to go. I loved him so much - he was a genuinely honest and good person - and they are very hard to find. But I also knew that it wasn't fair that no matter what we did or where we did it, at the end of the day I would get up and go home.
The relationship gradually faded away. We hadn't spoken for a couple of months when one day I had a voice mail message from him. He had remembered my birthday and he had said that no matter what happened between us birthdays come before everything. I don't know why, but I never returned his call.
I still think about him almost everyday. I even found him on Facebook (I think) but didn't contact him. I'm sure he has a good and happy life and is probably making someone somewhere as happy as he made me.
I'm just a pretty normal married, closeted gay guy on the outside and a pretty complex guy on the inside. I've had cancer and been through quite a lot of stuff. Just looking to have fun and share my experiences with others!