This entry is full of questions. I wish I knew the answers, but I don't. Maybe someone will leave a comment and provide answers. Maybe I'll never know.
I know it's not good to be angry but it's an emotion that no matter how hard you try - it can't be avoided. Some emotions you can avoid - but anger is one of those emotions that is caused by the actions of others whether you like it or not!
But how should you deal with it? I guess that depends on what made you angry in the first place. If someone cuts in front of you in a traffic jam - normally the middle finger and a juicy expletive will suffice. If it's bad service you've received maybe complaining or writing a letter is the answer.
But what if what is making you angry is something that is prolonged and out of your control? Should you learn to ignore it? Perhaps you should learn to live with it or perhaps you should confront the cause? Maybe there really isn't a simple answer, maybe there isn't an answer at all.
I like to think that I'm not a confrontational person - I'm an ignorer - let people be do what they want and everything will be OK - I'm a very big optimist. But everyone has a limit and what happens when that limit is reached? Is that the point that you must learn to deal with the anger or is that the point you explode and accept the consequences of your outburst?
I've been told that holding things inside is never a good idea. For some people that may be a good idea. But if you confront every time something angers you - is that good? How much can someone argue? Arguing is an artform - which I like to think I'm quite skilled at it. But is such a skill honed by using it more and more or is it something that should only be displayed occasionally?
Yeah, I'm still angry. But I'll calm down. The cause of the anger will still be there, unchanged until I get angry again. I'm sure that isn't good.
Will I ever have the answers to the questions? I don't know!! But one thing I do know is that there are some things that are beyond our control and sometimes life is fantastic and sometimes life is a pile of shit!
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There is no single answer. Much depends on the cause of the anger. If it is because someone always leaves the cap off the toothpaste, ignoring it might be the best approach. If it is something harmful to you or another, the answer is less certain. If the person causing the harm is unaware, it bears a straightforward conversation. If the person is aware and continues because of insensitivity or malice, something more direct and forceful might be the only right answer. Notice that I stated 'right' rather than 'good'.
ReplyDeleteIf the anger is with yourself for not meeting your own expectations, it demands personal introspection because your expectations were unrealistic or your effort was lacking in some respect. If you are angry from a situation you helped to create, which however, you did not create all by yourself, then your response should be stopping further harm and changing the situation through remedial action.