Happy New Year !

Like most other bloggers on the last day of the year looking back over the last year and the last decade I'm not sure whether I can say it's been good or bad.  In some aspects it could have been much worse in other aspects it could have been a lot better.

Some of my personal  high/lowlights of the last decade have included:

• Finding a career I relatively enjoy and being in the same job for the past 7 years
• The birth of my perfect daughter
• The ups and downs of marital life
• Finding love and losing love (more than once!)
• Understanding myself more with regard to who I am and what I want
  
• Being diagnosed, treated and cured of cancer
• Growing 10 years older
• Not necessarily feeling 10 years older

Sure there are a lot of things I would have liked to achieve on a personal level.  Like most other people I would like to have more money, more family stability, more security - but just because the decade is coming to an end it doesn't mean I can't and won't achieve these things in the next decade (I'm screwed if I don't!!).  I'm not that old that I still can't achieve these things perhaps it will take a little longer than anticipated but still very much achievable.

I feel my life has taken a relatively good direction in general.  There is a lot of room for improvement and change and I definitely think that this is all possible.  It's all a matter of attitude and determination.

As you can see I'm a huge optimist.  I know things take time to accomplish and I'm determined to do it - one way or another.  I have no doubt that the next year will be a better year (at least I hope it will be).


Thank you again to everyone who has chosen to follow my blog and read what I write.  This is the last post of my first month of blogging.  I hope many more readers will join in, follow and comment on what I have to say.

Wishing you all a HAPPY NEW YEAR - may we all prosper, be successful and most importantly - be happy.

All in a day's work...

While I was in New York I just knew I had to make the most of the time I was there.  I like to think that I did.  The course was pointless and I was out of the office most days by 3.00pm.  In my Internet searches before I left I had discovered that there was a "Male Spa" in the area.  I wasn't sure if I would have the guts to go and visit but it was nice knowing it was there.

After a couple of evenings I had the guts to go.  I looked up on the Internet how to get there and according to what was written it was a 10 minute journey from my hotel.

I got into my rented Chevrolet Malibu having cleared the snow off of it for the second time that day and followed the directions I had.  I found the place easily and parked the car.  I was told it wasn't the best area but it seemed OK.  I found the entrance door which lead to a flight of stairs.  I entered and went upstairs.  The guy at the reception asked if I wanted a room or just a locker - I took a locker and went in.

There was a well equipped gym as you walked in and a couple of guys were working out, but I headed to the locker room.  I noticed a couple of middle aged guys walking around in white towels.  I found my locker and undressed putting the towel around me.  Another guy arrived just before me and I watched him undress slowly, wearing tighty-whities which he removed before wrapping himself in a towel.

I went off to investigate.  It was an old building and quite dark.  I went into the wet sauna and it was empty.  Then wandered through the corridors and few men stared at me but seemed quite friendly saying hello to me.  I walked into one of two TV rooms and there were a couple of guys sitting on sofas watching a porno movie.  I sat in a corner watching the movies - I was a bit nervous and wanted to calm down.  Several guys were walking in and out of the room.  I got up and wandered around again.  There were little cubicle/rooms and some guys were sitting on beds inside watching porn on the televisions inside the rooms.

One guy caught my eye.  He was late 20s, dark skinned, slim and had a nicely toned, slightly hairy body.  He stood by the entrance to his room and smiled at me as I walked past.  I smiled back and kept walking.  Stopped and turned around and he was still smiling at me.  I approached him and he walked into his room.  I went inside too.  He immediately dropped his towel to reveal a long, hard cock.  He came to me and put his arms around me, kissing my neck - we were chest to chest as he began loosening my towel and it fell to the floor.

We began to kiss each other, exploring each other's body.  My hands were on his tight arse and his hands on my chest.  Next thing I knew I was lying on his bed on my back.  He went turned to the corner of the room and took something out of his bag.  He turned back and  could feel him putting a condom on me.  He sat on top of me and I could immediately feel him positioning himself on my cock.  Very, very slowly I could feel him sliding down on top of my cock.  I looked at his face as it slid inside him.  He leaned forward and kissed me while my cock was inside him.  He was very fucking horny.

He began to lift himself up as I grabbed his thighs and began pushing up.  His eyes were closed as my cock began sliding almost effortlessly in and out of him.  His cock was rock hard all the time.  As he rocked up and down on me I grabbed his cock and began stroking him slowly.  He was silent until now but he was began breathing heavily.  I figured he'd been at the spa for a while and was ready to go - I'm sure I hadn't been his first this evening.  I knew he was close and I continued stroking him.  He let out a groan and he began shooting his load over my chest - my cock still inside him.  I wasn't ready to cum yet and I told him as he lifted himself off me.  I lay on the bed with his cum still on me as he began to get dressed.  He put on his shirt and a pair of small black briefs and then his jeans.  I got up kissed him again, put my towel around me and left the room.  I needed to shower.

I put on the water and step inside - there are about 6 shower-heads but I'm in there alone.  I begin to soap myself - my cock still semi-hard from the fuck I'd just had.  I turn round as another guy steps into the shower.  He's an older guy in good shape, hairy chest and stomach.  He turns the water on of the shower opposite and smiles and nods at me and asks how I'm doing.  I say good and we begin chatting.  I tell him I'm in town on business.  Both of us staring at each other was we soap our bodies.  I could see him getting hard.  I was hard too.  We both finish showering at the same time and he smiles at me and asks if I'd like to go to his room.

I say yes.  He opens the door and we go inside, he leaves the door open.  He immediately removes his towel and lays on the bed.  I see a couple of people walking past the open door, lingering and looking at what's going on.  I don't mind if people watch.  He leans over and pulls out a small bottle of poppers - he hands it to me and I breath in deeply.  My head begins to pound and my (few) inhibitions disappear.  He begins to touch my body - running his hand down my chest and stomach and playing with my balls.  My cock, and his, are rock hard.  He leans over and begins to suck my cock.  I put my hand on his head and push him down on to my cock.  I take some more poppers, my head pumping.  I lift up my thighs and feel myself fucking this guys mouth with my cock.  I hand him the poppers and he too takes a long deep sniff and I can see his face as they begin to take effect.  He hands the poppers back to me and resumes work on my cock.

I notice a couple of guys standing by the door to the room and another guy inside the room.  One guy is playing with the sucker's arse while he sucks me.  I don't mind - the poppers are doing good!!!  The guy sucking me changes position and I notice that someone is getting him into doggy position to fuck him while he sucks my cock.  I just go along with it.  I'm sure there may have been more guys in the room.  I was already pretty out of it.

This guy was sucking on my cock like there was no tomorrow and I was just happy laying back and letting him do it.  While he sucked me I could feel he was being fucked hard.  It felt great.  There may have been more guys in the room, I'm not sure.  It just felt great this guy with his cock around my mouth.  I was close - without any thought I'm shooting my big load in this guy's mouth while he's being fucked.  I push his head down further on my cock and he sucks up every drop.  I pull away from him while he's still being fucked and leave the room.  The effect of the poppers beginning to wear off.  There are a couple of guys watching at the door as I make my exit.

I head back to the locker room and get dressed.  Getting back to the hotel to have a quick shower and getting ready for the next day of the course.  I'm pleased I went to the spa!

Alone but Definitely Not Alone...

I do enjoyed being married and I enjoy the idea of whatever I may have done during the day, when I go home I have someone waiting for me.  Despite this, I also really enjoy my own company.  I enjoy being on my own - going where I want, doing what I want without anyone telling me otherwise.  About 5 years ago as part of my job I had to go to the US for a week's training course at our company headquarters.  I was so excited.  Just to be in a different country and alone!!!

Being kind of slutty I checked out the gay-life in the area I was going to.  Due to the place being small I will just say it was in New York state and not go into any more details.  I even found a gay forum that they had and placed an ad there that I was going to be in town on business and would be interested in a hook-up.  I had a few replies.  I think I hadn't realised how nice and friendly Americans can be.  One guy was particularly nice - he even offered to meet me at JFK and give me a tour of Manhattan before flying back with me to his town for further "introductions".  I declined his offer - as I wanted to explore Manhattan alone - but took his number and promised to be in touch when I arrived.

It was very cold and very snowy when I arrived.  I'd taken a 12 hour night flight to JFK, spent the day wandering and exploring Manhattan, taken another flight to my final destination and I was horny!!

I got settled in the hotel and immediately called the guy I had emailed a few times.  We shall call him Bob.  I waited for him in the lobby of the hotel - unsure whether he'd actually turn up.  He did and on time!  We said our hellos and headed up to my hotel room.  He was Korean, quite tall and slim with thick black hair and a very cute smile.  We went into my room and sat down on the sofa.  I apologised that I had nothing to offer him and he asked whether I wanted to go out and get something.  I was tired and it was snowy and cold out so I declined the offer.  We chatted for a while and the conversation turned to the subject of what I like and don't like.

I had already told him during our email exchanges that I'm very into underwear and repeated this in our conversation.  He smiled and said he remembered and wanted to show me something.  He stood in front of me opened his belt and his jeans and slowly began to pull them down, lifting up his long shirt and showing me he was wearing a tight white thong.  He was already semi-hard.  I was enjoying what I was seeing and helped him step out of his clothes.  He stood in front of me - his smooth, slightly toned body was very inviting as I stood up and began to take off my clothes too.  I am normally much more attracted to more manly bodies - I do like some body hair - but I was far from home, alone and very horny.

I took Bob to the bed still in his thong and he laid on his back.  His cock was by now rock hard and sticking out the top of his thong.  I began exploring his body with my hand and with my tongue.  He was quite noisy and I enjoyed the feeling of having him on my bed.  I played with his cock inside the thong, rolled him on his stomach to see the thin thread inside his ass.  Then slowly I began to pull his thong down - as I did - his cock sprang up out of his thick bush of dark pubic hair and I began to suck on his cock slow and deep.

He made lots of noise groaning, breathing heavily, sighs of pleasure.  He began to almost beg that I fuck him but I was happy with the way things were.  He sat up and began to suck my cock - he was good at it.  Licking my balls and my shaft, licking the head of my cock and then sliding my cock into his warm, wet mouth.  As he sucked me I began to rub his cock with my hand - his cock was throbbing.  His panting become faster and louder - I knew he was going to blow and I knew I was getting close too.  Almost simultaneously we both let out a groan of pleasure and I could feel his hot cum on my hand exactly as I began shooting in his mouth.  I continued jerking him and he continued sucking me - both our cocks becoming extra sensitive, both of us jumping and moving as we couldn't take the sensation any longer.  We both feel in heap on the bed.

He asked me if I wanted him to stay the night.  I remembered that I wanted some alone time and told him no.  Maybe it wasn't nice, but I was seriously tired and I had to get up early the next morning for the first day of my course.

That was just my first night in New York.  I had a lot more fun while I was there.  I shall write about it soon.

I wasn't expecting that...Part II

Personally, I think I took the news of the cancer very well.  There were tears, but only once.  I think that was more the result of the stress of the previous month of tests, the fear of having HIV and the relief of finally knowing what was wrong.

I had an appointment to see the doctor I had been assigned to and she explained everything to me and my wife.  She explained in detail what I would be going through and what is likely to happen.  She also made it perfectly clear that they knew exactly how to treat the disease and in a weird kind of way there was nothing to worry about.

I was sent to do heart tests, lung tests and scans, as well as having my sperm frozen for future use.  It's kinda weird sitting in a line for the room to become free knowing someone was inside having a whazz.  There were a couple of good looking guys in line and I was tempted to offer them a helping hand - but I thought perhaps it wasn't the right time or place (I never lost my sense of humour throughout the whole ordeal).  Some of the guys took quite a while to make their "deposit" - I had no problems at all, go in the room and knock one out before i'd even locked the door hahaha!!  I looked through the pathetic porn offerings  that had been left for those needing help - but it wasn't necessary.

The first chemotherapy session was nerve-wracking.  I was assigned my own nurse who explained everything I was allowed and not allowed to do.  What to expect, what might happen and what we should do to make the process as easy as possible.  I was to have chemotherapy once every 2 weeks for six months.  It's a tiring experience.  It took a whole day of blood tests, consultation with the doctor, ordering the drugs and then once the drugs arrive and I'm connected up to the intravenous drip the actual chemo takes about 2.5 hours! 

Like everyone, I'd heard all the stories of what happens to people on chemo.  I'd been warned my hair would fall out, the nausea, the sickness and the weakness.  I was lucky.  I didn't lose my hair, was never sick - the only thing I suffered from was extreme weakness and tiredness which lasted for a couple of days.  The ups and downs of the treatment are tough - but I got through it well.  Always with a smile.

After three months, I had a scan which showed the treatment was working but had another three months of chemo still to get through.  Apparently the disease is very sneaky and you think it's disappeared, but it hasn't.  It wasn't easy - but it's all in the attitude.  I was positive throughout.  I never stopped working, hardly even took off any sick days and did as much as possible to maintain and continue a perfectly normal life.  I like to think that I didn't complain and also knew that there were a lot of people in a situation a lot worse than mine!

I got through it.  I didn't even lose my libido and I personally thank the person who invented both the Internet and webcams!!!  Since then I'm back to my best.  I'm still being checked every three months but I know that the worst is now over - I had an experience and I got through it OK.  I proved to myself what I already knew - what a strong person I am.

This is the first time I've ever written about what I went through.  I had planned at the time to write a diary of my experiences but never got around to it.  I hope what I've written here can help at least one person get through similar experiences.  Thanks again for all your comments and views.

Some lessons learned that should be shared:

• If something is unusual - go to the doctor - worse case scenario they will send you away saying it's nothing
• NEVER EVER use the Internet to try and diagnose yourself - you don't know if what's written is true, who it was written by and why it was written there
• Listen to your doctors - they are not infallible - but in general they know what they are doing
• Enjoy your life always - you never know what is waiting around the corner - life can sometimes be very short
• Attitude - be positive and never give in

Tomorrow back to the posts about sex.  I promise. 

I wasn't expecting that...Part I

I guess it all started about 2 years ago now.  I think it was just a moment of vanity and I was looking in the mirror admiring myself - I was 35 and looked OK for my age.  I'd never noticed the lump on the left side of my neck, it was hard but it didn't bother me.  I even showed it to my wife - she said it was odd I should go to the doctor.  I didn't.  Every now and again for the next 6 months or so I'd look at myself in the mirror and and notice the lump.  It didn't hurt.  I wasn't sick.  It didn't bother me.  I'd even joke about it at work sometimes.

The summer arrived and I got a horrible rash on my foot.  I went to my GP and she gave me some cream for it.  I sat opposite her at my desk thinking to myself - should I mention this lump to her?  Nah, I won't waste her time.  Maybe I should say something.  She hands me the prescription and I say to her - "can you see anything unusual on the side of my neck?."  She puts me on the examination bed and checks it.  She says to me "you come here for cream for you foot and you forget to mention this???".  She thinks it's just a fat mass that has accumulated on my neck but sends me for a neck ultrasound.

The neck ultrasound reveals my lymph gland is swollen and not a mass of fat.  I remember asking the doctor who carried out the test "do you think it could be cancer?" - she laughed and said there's a million and one other things it could be before cancer.  I went back to my GP with results and she sent me for further tests.  Another ultrasound showed by spleen was swollen too.  I did blood tests.  Went to a surgeon.  Went to an ENT doctor.  Went to a haemotologist.  Had an FNA (Fine Needle Aspiration) where a needle is sunk into my swollen lymph gland and whatever is sucked out is checked.  All tests were coming back negative.  One blood test even showed I'd had Glandular Fever at some point - I didn't even know it!

By this time, about 3 weeks after my initial visit to my GP, I was beginning to feel quite uneasy.  I made the number one mistake and tried to diagnose myself using the internet.  It seemed that every page I looked at had the letters HIV on it.  Now I was really freaked out.  Every doctor I went to see was excellent, I had the best treatment I could possibly have asked for.  They all said, this is not right - but it's probably nothing to worry about!!  But all I could think about was all the men I'd been with.  Had someone infected me?  I guess my thinking was very irrational - but what else could it be?  I can't have cancer - I've not been ill, I'm young, I'm healthy and strong.  All the time the doctors kept asking me the same questions - I'd had no sudden loss of weight.  I didn't wake up with night sweats.  I hadn't been unwell.  I didn't have any itches over my body.

The ENT consultant said I must have a minor operation to remove the lymph node for a biopsy.  I stayed in overnight.  The following week was pretty uncomfortable waiting for the results.  I was told it would take a couple of weeks for the results to arrive.  Exactly one week after the operation I went back to the hospital to have the stitches removed.  My doctor sees me and says "come in here, we need to talk".

Being the positive person that I am I was sure he was gonna tell me everything was fine.  One doctor (his trainee I think) began removing the stitches one by one.  My doctor began explaining to me that if a "magic dwarf" were to come to you in the night and tell you that you are going to get cancer, but you can choose which type of cancer to have, then what I have been diagnosed with is what you should ask for!

I had been diagnosed with the "creme-de-la-creme" of cancers - Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  I remember him asking me if I have any questions.  I asked him "am I going to die?" - he laughed and said "no!"  He then told me that as far as his treatment is concerned, his job with me is finished and he was transferring me to the hemato-oncology department of the hospital.

Well at least I wasn't HIV+, so I guess being diagnosed with cancer does have a plus side to it!

That was how I was diagnosed, in my next post I'd like to explain about the treatment.  But one article I read a few months ago - sums me up to a tee.   Please find the link below and if you see something unusual on your body - don't be afraid to get it looked at!

Don't Die of Embarrassment!

Seasons Greetings!!!

I'm not one for making 2 posts on the same day but wanted to wish everyone who has made the effort to follow me, read, comment and enjoy my blog a merry christmas and happy new year.

I am looking forward to sharing my thoughts, feelings and experiences past, present and future with you all.

I hope 2010 brings to everyone everything they wish for.  2009 has been a particularly interesting year for me (including recovering from cancer and starting my blog).  All will be revealed in the coming weeks!

Good luck, good love and good will to all men!!!

Stolen Moments of Pleasure

Writing yesterday's post about what happened in the office, reminded me of something else that happened in the same office building around the same time.  Being a married man, as much as the idea of grandiose lovemaking is a nice fantasy, more often than not, meetings are nothing more than a few stolen moments of escape from the real world which I have learned to understand and enjoy as much as possible.

The office building where I worked was above a small row of shops.  I would often wander around as I was smoking (I have since quit the habit).  A new shop had just opened selling ceramic tiles, marble surfaces and marble flooring.  It was just a small showroom type shop.  I was just wandering around minding my own business enjoying my cigarette and a guy was standing outside the marble shop also smoking.  We nodded politely to each other.  He asked if I work in the area and I pointed that I work upstairs. 

We made some small talk and general pleasantries and he tells me to come and sit on the small wall outside his shop.  He tells me that the shop isn't his but he's the showroom manager.  We keep chatting, he tells me he's just married but doesn't have any kids yet and there were the usual jokes between 2 married guys. 

He was very tall and very thin, dark skinned and was wearing chino-style trousers and a blue shirt.  He told me that this job was a big change to his last job where he used to travel around the country selling (I don't remember what it was he said he used to sell).  Then the conversation took an interesting turn....

He began telling me how he likes travelling around as it gives him his freedom.  He told me he liked to disappear from work and spend time at the beach.  There was a particular beach he liked to go to because it was a nudist beach.  I just sat quietly, listening, nodding, amused and bemused as to where the conversation was heading.

He then begins to tell me that last time he was at the beach sunbathing nude, this guy sat down next to him and they chatted together.  He kept reiterating that he's not into that kind of thing but this guy laid down next to him and they even cuddled a little and kissed too.  I wasn't sure where this was heading and just answered cool, as long as you enjoyed it.  He smiled and looked at me and says - you look like a good boy and don't do things like that!!!  I smiled at him and realised I'd been sitting with him for over an hour and said I had to get back to work.

I went upstairs and was thinking to myself - was he coming on to me?  What was the purpose of what he said?  Should I act on it?  Should I ignore it?

I couldn't work or concentrate.  I waited as long as could and HAD to go down for another cigarette.  I walked past his shop door which was open and he tells me to sit down at his desk in the corner of the office.  He smiles and asks if he shocked me with what he says.  I decide to go for it and respond - i'm not a good boy like you think and nothing you said either shocked me nor was it something I've never done myself! 

He smiled and said that he suspected but wasn't sure so played it very carefully.  We began to talk openly about what we like with guys, how we like it etc...  I told him that my biggest "kink" is guys in tight tanga briefs.  He told me he used to be an importer of a certain type of briefs and then says he's got some in his bag and he'd love to show them to me.  I reminded him it was still mid-afternoon, his shop was open and we're both supposed to be working.  He laughs and tells me to give him my mobile number.  He's got something to do and will call me and I should come down again.

Not 15 minutes later he calls and tells me to come downstairs again.  I walk into his shop and he walks towards the back of the shop - in the corner is a door that leads to the toilets - it can't be seen from the entrance to the shop.  He heads there and tells me to come with him.  He stops and turns rounds with a huge smile on his face and says take a look at this.  He opens his trousers and pulls them down to his knees, lifts up his shirt and he's wearing a pair of tiny black tanga briefs.  They look great on his slim, smooth body.  I approach him and put my hand out - gently stroking the growing bulge in the briefs.  He moves my hand away and says wait.

He pulls up his trousers and heads towards the front door.  Closes and locks it before turning out the lights.  The shop-front is completely covered so nobody can see inside.  He heads to his desk - takes off his shirt,  pulls down his trousers, sits on his chair and stares at me.

I walk up to him, get down on my knees and begin to lick him slowly between the legs.  He lifts up his arse and slides his tanga briefs down revealing a long thick cock.  I immediately take it between my lips.  Holding the base of his cock as I lick it and slide it into my mouth.  I start sucking on him more and more getting into a rhythm.  I can hear how much he enjoys it as I deep throat him, taking his cock deep down to the back of my throat.  He stands up in front of me, my hands on his arse and he begins to fuck my mouth fast and hard.  His big cock sliding in and out of my mouth.  He was holding the back of my head pushing his cock deep inside my throat.  He's groaning and panting heavily and begins to almost shout - pushes on my head again and a huge release from his lungs as his cock starts shooting his thick, hot, sticky cum into my throat.  I have no choice but to swallow every drop of it - he drops back in his chair, my mouth still on his cock - sucking out every drop of cum from him.  I could feel him getting hard again, but he pulled away.

He said he had to open the shop again in case the boss turned up.  He got dressed quickly, put the lights on and opened the door.  He made me a cup of coffee and we sat and chatted for a few minutes before I went back to work.

We met a few times after that first time.  Normally in the evening as I was leaving work and he was closing the shop.  Then one day he told me he was going away for a week and said we'd be in touch - he never came back.  I don't know if he was transferred, was fired - but I never saw him again.  But marble guy was great - it was a few stolen moments of pleasure doing with him something I enjoyed!

Uncomfortable Situations

I used to spend a fair amount of time at various cruising sites.  Obviously, like everyone else I'm not particularly proud of doing it, but it's one of those things that almost everyone one in my situation has done at some point.  The majority of encounters there were one-off, anonymous fucks with somebody I hadn't exchanged more than 3 words with.  But, I also met some very nice, interesting and friendly people there. 

At these places some guys are happy to chat, others aren't.  On one particular occasion I chatted to a guy, he was dark-skinned, not very tall, stocky and had a great smile.  He must have been late 20s.  I remember we fooled around a little and parted company.  I saw him another couple of times at the same cruising place and we nodded hello to each other.

Imagine my surprise a couple of years later when I'm sitting at work and see him walking round the office.  It left me feeling a little uncomfortable, I like to keep my cruising/gay life separate from my regular life as much as possible.  I looked up just as he walked past my room and our eyes immediately met.  We kind of acknowledged each other with a small smile but nothing more than that. 

About 20 minutes later  I go downstairs and outside to have a cigarette and notice him sitting in a van in the car park.  He sees me and motions me to come over.  I stand by the open driver's side window and we say our hellos.  It begins to rain and he tells me to get in the van while I'm smoking.  I agree.  We chat for a few minutes.  He tells me he's living with his girlfriend and we just chat in general.  He tells me he's the manager of the cleaning company that cleans our offices and he's waiting for one of the cleaners to finish to transport him to other offices.

We sit and chat a bit longer and the cleaner he's waiting for arrives.  I tell him I'd better get back to work and he mentions that he'll be back in the afternoon.  I tell him to pop by my room and say hi.

The day continues as normal and at about 3 in the afternoon I go to the kitchen to make me a coffee.  I see the guy is back and sitting at the table with his back to the door reading a newspaper.   I walked past him and run my finger across the back of his neck.  He lifts his head up and smiles at me.  I offer him a coffee but he declines.  He stands up and says he's just going to the toilet but he lingered a fraction of a second too long turning his statement into a invitation.   He walks out of the kitchen and down the corridor, I follow.

He heads into the toilets and walks into the end stall and leaves the door slightly ajar.  I follow.  He smiles at me.  He puts his finger on my lips reminding me (as if I didn't know) to keep quiet.  By now I'm horny as fuck.  I lift up his shirt and put my hands over his chest.  He's dark skinned and it's moderately hairy.  I put my lips on his nipples and hear him let out a small sigh as my tongue circles his nipples, licking them gently.  He leans forward and whispers in my ear "suck me!". 

I get down on my knees and open his trousers and pull them down.  He's wearing my favourite tanga briefs and I can see his hard cock inside.  It's thick, but not very long.  I pull his pants down and put my hand around the base of his cock as my tongue licks the head of his cock.  He pushes the back of my head onto his cock and I take the entire shaft in my mouth.

We freeze suddenly as we hear someone come in to the toilet and enter the stall next to where we are.  We continue even quieter.  There are some situations that just cannot be stopped!  I continue sucking his cock, it's now rock hard, my hands on his arse massaging his cheeks as he fucks my mouth.  I stand up and we kiss - I'm now shirtless with my jeans and boxers around my ankles too.  We kiss - chest to chest, cock to cock as he slides down my body slowly and starts to suck on my cock too.  It's very cramped in the small stall but we still manage to enjoy ourselves.  He stands and starts to wank his cock - I get down on my knees and put my face in front of his cock - occasionally sticking my tongue out to lick the head of his cock.  I put my hands on his thick hairy legs and know he's gonna blow - I put my lips around his cock and feel his hot, sticky spunk shooting out into my mouth.  He keeps jerking as more and more cum shoots out of his cock.

I stand up and start jerking too, he puts his arm around me and holds me tight.  I start shooting my load over the toilet.  He leans into me and kisses me full on the mouth - I knew he'd enjoyed himself.

We get dressed and carefully leave the toilets - thankfully without anyone noticing. 

After that encounter we saw one another once or twice but then soon after due to big expansion we moved offices and a new cleaning company was employed!

The Strangest Places....

I wanted to start this post first by saying a big thank you to everyone who has read my blog, left comments and has chosen to follow it.  It's all still pretty new to me and I'll do my best to update and post as often as I can.  I'm especially pleased that people are actually interested in what I write about.

Sometimes you can spend days looking on chat sites, dating sites, cruising areas for a hook-up and nothing happens.  Other times in the most unexpected locations and unexpected times you can find exactly what you're looking for.  This happened to me a while back - for me it was the fulfillment of a fantasy I never thought would actually happen.

My office is closed at the weekends although there's a security outside office hours you can always get in.  Due to the way I work I often use the weekends to make up hours that I've missed during the week.  I was driving to work one afternoon at the start of the weekend paying little attention to what was going on around me.  I pull up at a set of traffic lights and notice a guy in a gold Mazda staring at me.  I look back at him and think nothing of it.  About 200 meters down the road we stop at the next red light, I glance to my right and notice him staring at me again - I stare back.  My gaydar siren is screaming in my head, but hey maybe I'm just imagining it.

I continue driving and notice that gold Mazda is driving next to me, not overtaking just driving parallel with me, always looking at me, I look back.  I have that feeling in my stomach that something exciting is going to happen.  We continue driving in the same direction no on a minor motorway road.  I overtake gold Mazda and stare at him as I pass him and pull over in front of him.  In my rear mirror I see him pulling out to overtake me, his eyes never leaving my gaze.  This continues for about five minutes, both of us driving slower than the other cars on the road until just before we reach the motorway turnoff.    I am now in front of gold Mazda and was almost at my office and wasn't sure what to do.

I pull off earlier than the junction I need and indicate with plenty of time in advance to gold Mazda that I'm pulling off the motorway.  In my  rear-view mirror I see that he is indicating too and follows behind me.  The looks flying between us are electrifying.  I continue driving until I reach the next set of traffic lights indicating in plenty of time that I'm turning right into quiet side road.  He indicates too.

I drive slowly along the road before pulling in to the side and stopping my car.  Gold Mazda pulls up beside me and continues staring at me.  I roll down my window and smile at him as he does the same.  He tells me to move a little further down the road so there's room for both of us to park, we both move and get out of the car.

I walk over to his car, he's dressed in jeans and red shirt.  He's late 20s, light brown, longish hair, well built.  I stand very close to him and have some polite conversation.  I'm still shocked that this is actually happening.  We exchange our family status - he tells me he's engaged to be married soon but also likes to fool around with guys now and again.  I ask him if he has a place we can go and he says no.  He asks if I have a place, I say no too, I'm just on my way to the office.  The empty office where nobody is at.  All alone (except the security guard).  My mind is spinning, this is a fantasy of mine - to pick up a guy like this.  Can I let this fantasy be ruined by not having anywhere to be alone with him?  Should I take him to my office?  Am I crazy?

Yeah, I'm fucking crazy.  I ask him if he wants to follow me to my office - it's just 2 minutes away.  He looks at me and smiles and says, yeah, sure.

We park in the enormous, empty car park and head up to my office.  I nod politely at the security guard and head to my room.  I close the door behind me - there's nobody around.  He sits next to me at my desk - but we can't do anything in my office as there are too many windows, security cameras and the security guard making patrols every 20 minutes.  We sit and chat and I put a gay porno film on my computer.  Not sure where to take things, I run my hand up and down his leg, look him in the eye and say follow me.

We head towards the toilets, there doesn't seem to be anyone else in the office.  We go into the end stall and I close and lock the door behind us.  The chemistry between us is still electrifying.  I put my hands on his chest and put my lips on to his and we start kissing passionately.  It was incredible.  His skin was so soft.  Without being aware how I'd even done it, I'd taken off his shirt - my hands over his slightly hairy chest.  Such soft skin.  He too is stripping me.  The excitement is immense.

I get down on my knees and open his belt and pull down his jeans.  Hmmmm my favourite, he's wearing navy blue tanga briefs with a grey elastic band around the top.  Just seeing that on a guy makes me wild.  I begin to nuzzle his already hard cock with my tongue and nose before, putting my hands inside his tight, sexy briefs before slowly pulling the down.  His cock springs out of them and my lips are immediately on the job.  I begin circling the head of his cock with my tongue before sliding it deep into my mouth to the back of my throat.  His cock is quite thick, not so long with a slight bend to the right.  He holds my head and starts fucking my mouth, his cock is rock hard.  My hands are on his arse as he pumps my mouth back and forwards.

I stand up and kiss him again so he can taste his cock from my mouth.  He then gets down on his knees and pulls down my jeans and starts sucking on my cock too.  He is so passionate and the feeling between us is intense.  He's good.  I could tell this definitely wasn't the first time he'd sucked a guy and he did it very well.

He stood up and we began to jerk each other - both of our cocks wet from each others mouth.  My hand sliding easily up and down his shaft.  Both of us were getting close to cumming.  I got down on my knees again and took his cock in my mouth and began moving back and forwards on his cock - he started panting heavily and I hear him say "I'm cumming" just as I feel his hot thick load of cum shooting into my mouth - in continue sucking him until his cock is too sensitive for it to be touched.  Without a word he then gets down on his knees and returns the favour.  It was only a few seconds before I had released my load into his mouth.  He stands up and we kiss again.

We both start to get dressed again, suddenly slightly embarrassed about the predicament we're in.  Less than 1 hour ago we'd never even seen each other before randomly meeting at a traffic light and now we'd both cum in each other's mouth in my office toilet!!!

We left the toilet and I gave him my number.  He promised to call.  That was almost 3 years ago but as the eternal optimist I still believe that he'll call!  Until then life goes on.  Really, the strangest things can happen when you least expect them!!!

By Popular Demand

The following situation occurred about 2 years ago and it was my "partner in crime" who asked me to write about our experience together.

Although we are proximately close to each other our working schedules make it very difficult for us to actually meet, but when we do - which is very rare - it's normally a lot of fun. Sam, (as he shall be known in this post) is exactly how a man should be - he's big, tough looking, hairy, powerful (both physically and professionally) and totally submissive. When I see him or talk to him I am always incredibly attracted to him.

We had arranged to meet and go to a small hotel not too far away. He picked me up in his van on time at the agreed location and headed towards the hotel. We caught up with small talk for a few moments and I immediately began gently stroking his thigh as he drove. I began to rub my hand up his strong, hairy forearm. Sam can be quite shy but seems to take great pleasure from letting me touch him. While he negotiated the early evening traffic I moved my hand from his thigh to the growing bulge in his trousers. I then slowly pulled the zip on his flies down and pulled his now hard cock out of his trousers and began playing with it, being careful not to let anyone in the vehicles next to us see what we were doing, of course!

Sam let me do what I wanted to him and I could see that he was enjoying it. His cock was rock hard in my hand while he drove to the hotel and parked outside.

We walked into the hotel to our room and closed the door behind us. Taking in the surroundings. A large bed on the right a door to the left leading to the bathroom.

I moved close to Sam and began unbuttoning his shirt - revealing his thick hairy chest and stomach - I removed his shirt and it fell to the floor as I put my hands on his chest. I began playing with his nipples and putting my head into his neck - it felt good - I could feel Sam giving himself to me slowly.

I slid my hand over his stomach and down to his cock - I could feel the huge bulge in his trousers and began opening his belt and trousers so I could see his rock hard cock inside his white boxers - standing to attention for me.

I put my hand inside his boxers and grabbed his cock - his manly smell driving me wild - I squeezed it tight. I pulled him in close to me my other hand now on his arse - he stood obediently - ready to do as I asked of him.

He finished stripping for me and was now standing in front of me totally naked while I was still dressed. I know how much he likes it so I turn him around and lay a loud slap on his arse. He closes his eyes and I hear him say it "again". Another loud slapping sounds reverberates around the room. His cock is so hard.

I begin to undress too. Allowing him to take off my shirt for me and get down on his knees in front of me as he removes my shoes and socks and pulls off my trousers. We are now both naked and I want Sam so much.

I tell Sam to go to the bathroom and get the shower nice and hot for us. He gets inside first and begins to shower - I watch as he soaps his body and then get in with him. I allow him to begin soaping me - first my shoulders and then my chest and stomach and then getting on his knees to carefully soap my cock and then my legs. He is very obedient. While soaping my legs he sucks on my cock - which he does so well. It feels good.

I pull him up and put him chest first against the wall - his arms raised over his head and his legs spread (like a prisoner being frisked by a policeman). I run my hands across his shoulders, down his back and between his arse. My had stops there, I feel his hole and slide a finger inside - I feel him pushing back on my hand - he wants it in him, deep. With one hand I hold his his arms over his head and my other hand I finger fuck Sam, making him submit to me - all the time the hot water pouring down on us, steaming up the bathroom.

Both of us are now rock hard and I know that Sam is now ready for anything. We step out of the shower and dry each other off and head for the bed.

Sam lays down on his back and I lay on top of him. I can feel his thick, hard cock on me as I grab hold his his chest and abs - squeezing them hard, slapping them - making them mine.

I roll Sam on to his front and stare at his beautiful exposed arse - which he is giving to me. I spank him and from the noises he makes, I know Sam wants it. I spread his legs and split between spanking him and fingering him. His arse is mine.

I lay on top of him and put my cock between his cheeks, pushing down as I find the hole. I feel Sam pushing back on me as my cock slowly slides inside him. I do it slowly and carefully until Sam can feel all of me inside him. I leave my cock inside him as I lay another hard slap on his arse, Sam's body shakes. I begin moving slowly in and out of Sam's arse. Each time as I'm about to remove my cock slamming it back inside him.

I turn Sam onto his back - putting his thick manly legs on my shoulders as I begin fucking him again, this time looking him in the face each time I slide inside him. Watching his body shake each thrust. We both enjoying it. I pull out and stand up.


I move to the pile of clothes on the floor and remove his belt from his trousers and tell Sam to roll over on to his stomach again. I begin to whip him with his own belt. Watching his beautiful arse slowly turn red. I pull him up into a positing that he's leaning over, face on the bed, on his knees - his arse in the air. Whipping him again, and again. I reach between his legs and grab his cock gently stroking it.


I pull his hands behind his back and tie them with his own belt. Spanking his arse, finger it, fucking it. A little of everything. I know he's close and can't take it much longer - I continue stroking his cock and his body begins to twitch - he lets out an enormous gasp as he begins to cum, shooting his load over the bed - panting heavily. I push him on to his back - hands still tied behind him and also begin shooting my load over him. Covering his stomach and chest with my hot, white cum.

Both of us slump on the bed - amazed by what has just happened. It was intense.

It takes a lot of organising and patience, but we're gonna do it again. I'm crazy about this guy - still not sure if he realises how much. And when we do it again...be sure I'll write about it here.

Celebrations Part II

What was I going to do? Should I go and meet him?

I walked the 100 meters to my house and my mind was spinning. I couldn't decide whether to go or not. I really wanted to but I was freaked out. It was the first time I'd have actually arranged to "meet" another guy. He looked really nice though. It was a step forward from anything I'd ever done before.

I had something to eat at home but my mind was wandering all over the place. It was now 1930 and I was supposed to be meeting him in half an hour. I was still undecided. I was torn - one side of my head saying don't do it - it's crazy. The other side saying do it, have fun!!!

I changed out of my suit and into jeans and got in the car and headed towards the place where we had agreed to meet. He probably wasn't going to turn up anyway. I parked the car a short distance from where we had planned to meet and got out and walked to the meeting place and waited.

I wait about 5 minutes and fuck, I see him walking towards me, still in his suit. He motions to me to follow him ... gay minds think alike and he'd parked his car almost next to mine! He tells me to get into his car. I sit in the passenger seat and he smiles at me and asks if I want to go for a drive.

I remember putting my hands on his thigh, looking him in the eye and telling him I'm a bit nervous about doing that, I don't know who you are, you could be a serial killer!! He laughs and points out (correctly) that I could be a serial killer too.

He starts driving back in the direction of where we'd first met about two hours previously, but he doesn't stop there, we continue driving and from a big roundabout continues straight on a to a busy A road - still only 3 minutes from my house. We're driving along the busy road for about 2 minutes and suddenly pulls in to a car park. On either side of the road there's just fields and a gold course. He pulls in to the gravelly and pot-holed car park, it's barely lit.

The first thing I notice is a few other cars parked in the darkness. I had NO idea whatsoever what was going on.

He stopped the car away from the other cars and immediately took out his cock. Obediently, I leaned forward and began sucking on it. From the noises he was making I could tell he was enjoying it. He suddenly jumps and I lift my head up and see there is a man staring through the driver's door window. I immediately, jump back into my seat! My partner opens his window slightly and asks him to leave.

I was shocked - I had no idea whatsoever that this kind of activity went on and especially not so close to where I actually lived!

The staring guy left and I got back to sucking this guy's cock. It felt good. It was thick and he was enjoying every minute of it. He pulled my head off his cock smiling and said it was my turn. I lifted my arse up and pulled down my jeans and he leaned forward and began sucking on my cock. He was good!!! I was still very nervous knowing that there were people wandering around in the dark near the car.

I went back to sucking his cock and knew he wouldn't last much longer. He suddenly stops and says he wants to put on a condom (although I knew there would be no fucking) but he wanted me to continue sucking him with a condom on. He whips out the condom and skilfully puts it on his thick, hard cock. He lowers my head down on to his cock again and I continue sucking it. Before too long I can tell that he's close and as his body starts twitching as I feel the cum filling up the condom.

I guess now I realise what a bugger cum stains are to get out of suits, so the condom was purely a device to protect his clothes from cum!

He smiles at me and I put my cock away, without cumming.

We sit in the car and chat a little and then he drives me back to where I'd parked my car, we say our goodbyes and I never saw him again.

As I gained more experience and found myself spending inappropriate amounts of time at this now renowned dogging site and I began to understand how things work in these places. I had some great times there. But my first visit to this place definitely has stayed with me for some 20 years and I don't think I'll ever forget it!

Celebrations

I wasn't sure how long I'd have to wait but had planned to write something celebratory for the 100th view of my profile. Last time I looked at the counter I was on 90 and the following morning noticed I'm already on 140 - that was quick. I guess people are seeing and hopefully reading what I write (and thanks a lot for that) and now I need to think of a great way of thanking you all for helping me reach my first goal so quickly.

As a personal request - I'd love to read comments from you about what I'm writing - at least to know if I'm doing good, if it's boring or any other points you'd like to make about what I've said.

Today is one of those days when I'm horny. I've been spending a bit of time having a look at some of the other blogs that are on blogger and some of them are pretty damn good. There are plenty of blogs with pictures but a lot less of people actually writing down their thoughts and I haven't, as yet, found another blog in a similar vain to mine - which I had expected to find. If someone knows of one feel free to let me know the URL.

Yesterday's post about my first time made me think about some of the other sexual experiences I had all those years ago - some still so clear in my mind - I still get a hardon thinking about them.

One that sticks in my mind in particular, all started out quite innocently - but lead me to discover things that I honestly never knew existed.

I was about 17 at the time and one day was reading my local newspaper. The headline story on the front page was a raid that had taken place on a public toilet in the area frequented by gay men. I thought to myself - that's interesting and those poor men that may have gotten caught by the police. I keep reading the article and realise this toilet is about 45 seconds (yes seconds!!!) from my house. At the end of the road was a parade of shops and behind the shops was a small, one-way service road and some dingy flats and right in the corner was a public toilet. Looking back I think I'd always known it was there but had never paid any attention to it and certainly never thought that anything actually went on there.

After that revelation, several times I walked via the service road and never actually see anyone coming in or out of the toilets. One evening I was coming home from work. The bus stop where I got off the bus was exactly at the exit to the service road. I got off the bus and walked through the service road. I saw a man sitting in a white Ford Sierra (yeah, it was a long time ago) and noticed him looking at me. I was in a suit he was also smartly dressed. Our eyes locked and as I walked past the drivers side of the car I saw his hand grab his crotch.

I stopped walking and stood back a little and stared - he began rubbing his cock up and down over his trousers. I was unsure what to do both excited and nervous. The driver pulls down the car window and motions to me with his head to come nearer. He smiles and asks how I am. I reply that I'm good. My cock was already rock hard as I leaned in to the car more. I told him to "take it out" and he smiled nervously and said "what, here?" - I said "yes!" and he complied. I began to stroke his cock nervously and he suggested - "how about we go for a drive?"

I was way too nervous to get in the car with him and refused and he suggested that we could meet later. I said, OK and made a plan to meet in a different place in about 2 hours time (around 8.00pm).

I went home my mind racing, trying to decide if I have the courage to go and meet this guy. He was a older than me - probably late 30s but very, very sexy. What was I going to do? Should I go and meet him?

Where did it all start?

I've already been writing this blog for a couple of weeks now and everything keeps taking me back to my very first time with a guy. I'd always known I was attracted to the same sex from a very young age. Unlike others, it didn't really bother me - I was very cool about it and I also knew that it would always be something secondary in my life. I still knew I'd get married and live a very regular life - and I was right!

But where did it all start?

I was 17 and working in Central London. As part of my job I ended up spending a lot of time in Soho and found myself visiting the sex shops in the area - just to look, nothing more (and way before there was Internet porn). Each time I'd get more courage to actually look at things and look at the magazines. Eventually I found a gay sex shop in the area and would visit there often. Almost 20 years later I still remember the shop exactly, the smell of the leather goods and the faces of the people who worked there. Looking through the Pink Paper I realised just around the corner was a gay pub - but would I have the guts to actually go inside?

I did! I remember walking past it again and again and again - occasionally I'd see someone enter or leave - but it took a while for me to pluck up the courage to actually open the door and go inside. I'd go to the bar and order a Diet Coke and sit on that for an hour - just people watching and thinking about what they thinking and what they may have done. At that time it was also illegal for gay sex under the age of 21 (wow I'm old!). Slowly I began to feel more comfortable going in there and found myself there on several lunch breaks.

A few guys would talk to me and I would just smile and respond politely - I never thought I would actually get further than saying hello to someone - definitely not actually do something with another guy.

One day I'm in the pub, dressed smartly in grey suit and tie, sitting on a high stool opposite the bar. An older guy around 45 sat next to me and nodded hello. I replied shyly. He began talking to me and told me he was from the north, in London on business. He told me he liked being in London and seemed pleased to get away from his wife and teenage daughters. He was also dressed in a suit and had a moustache and was quite stocky. Despite this conversation taking place over 20 years ago - I remember it like it happened only yesterday. He commented that he liked my suit - I think I blushed as he put his hand on my leg "to feel the material".

He suddenly leaned forward and told me his cock was hard. I was surprised and unsure how to respond (how does one respond to such a comment???). He then asked me if I'd like to see it. I remember smiling and saying sure. He leaned in closer and whispered in my ear that he was going to the toilet, I should wait a couple of minutes and then come too. Was this it? Was I actually going to touch another cock? Should I run? Should I stay? Should I decline? What's going to happen? A thousand questions running around my head at the same time. I was definitely tempted, excited, scared, shocked and very confused!!!

I walked to the back of the pub towards the toilet and opened the door. The toilet cubicle was straight in front of me after the urinals. The cubicle door was ajar. I pushed it open and he smiled as I went inside and he closed the door and locked it behind me. He had already taken his thick, hard cock out as I began to open his trousers - they fell to the floor and I could see he was wearing read and white Y Fronts. His cock was rock hard. He pushed my head down and I began sucking on his cock. I remember thinking to myself - I'm actually sucking another man's cock - he seemed to be enjoying it - I must be a natural at it.

He began to open my trousers and looked at my cock which was also rock hard. He began to suck on it too. But I wanted to suck him more! I remember taking his thick cock in my mouth and he began to fuck my mouth - I didn't need to be scared, I was actually enjoying it. But not for very long.

He pulled his cock out of my mouth and began jerking it - I watched his face as he started cumming - long strings of cum shooting out of his cock. I had done that to him, I had sucked his cock and made it happen.

I pulled up my trousers quickly left the toilet and walked out of the pub. I kept walking and walking towards my office not looking back. My mind spinning with what I had just done. Not disgusted but excited that I had done it - thinking that it wasn't so bad but sure I had now got this "gay thing' out of my system and could put it behind me (how wrong I was).

Obviously I never saw the guy again and it took me a while to go back into that pub again. But I had had sex with a guy for the first time.

Now older and more experienced I can't say it was the best ever but it was my first and something that I will never forget.

Horny Horny Horny

There are days when I just get so horny I can't concentrate on anything else. I guess to a certain extent most people have the same feelings - but there are days, like today, when I want nothing more than a good, old fashioned, wholesome fuck. No strings attached, even no talking - just the immense physical pleasure of fucking, cumming and carrying on with whatever I was doing previously.

Today is a tricky day, family commitments mean I'm not even available today to meet someone - so knowing I can't meet just makes my level of horn rise even higher.

Generally, I hate being naked, having levels of self-esteem lower than ants piss - I find myself particularly unattractive - although (on more than one occasion) I have been told otherwise. Despite my self-loathing I have recently been having a recurring fantasy involving at least 2 other guys and lots and lots of being naked.

In the fantasy - there are at least two other guys with me. There's a lot of kissing, touching, hugging, sucking going on. I don't think there are many greater feelings than the intimate touch of another man. The release of being able to touch a man wherever you'd like bringing him and yourself (yes, in that order) pleasure.

Putting your lips on another man's cock, is for me, a fantastic feeling. Others perhaps see it as a passive act - I don't. I think it gives me a sense of power over this man - his most intimate and often prized possession is in my mouth being licked and sucked.

I like body hair too - if I make the effort to be with a man, I want him to be a real man. My hands on his legs, stroking them as I suck on his cock. I like to take it deep into my throat feeling the guys balls on my chin. My hands running up the back of his legs playing with his arse, touching it, stroking it and simply enjoying the moment, enjoying the feel, taste and pleasure that comes with sex!

I'm still horny and can't wait for some good, long sex. It takes time to find the right time and place, but it'll happen!

Relationshits!

Why are relationships always so difficult? Is there such a thing as a perfect relationship? But then again, what is the perfect relationship - husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, friends, lovers?

I know everybody says it, but relationships are fucking hard work - but how much should you invest in the relationship before you realise it's over? Where is the limit between knowing you've tried everything and accepting defeat and knowing it's never going to work. It's always easy to look at other people's relationships, identify their problems and immediately work out how to solve their problems - looking at your own relationship in the same way is never quite so simple.

In a perfect world I guess you could always take advice from your friend about your own relationship offer advice to your friend and everything would be fine. Alas, there is no perfect world - in reality what would happen is that you'd receive advice, give advice and end up fucking up your relationship with your friend. Never a good thing!

Relationships are definitely important, they can be fun - but when they stop being fun and start being routine, emotionless and even boring - I wonder whether it's possible to put the missing factors back into the relationship or once they've gone, have they've gone forever?

For some, splitting up, divorce is the only solution, perhaps not the best one but at least it's a solution. If you can live with yourself being sure you did all you can, said all you could say then it's a great idea. But if you have one inkling of doubt that you can do or say more - however remote, however unlikely - I guess you have to do it to be sure. Obviously no situation is irreversible but (as I asked at the beginning of this post) no relationships are perfect and yes they are very, VERY hard!

Have a nice day.

Congratulations to Joe McElderry on a victorious and tuneful win on last night's X-Factor final. Reality TV - always good but it does come to an end.

Fantasy or Reality

In my experience, generally the idea you have in your head of how sex is supposed to be is much better imagined than how it turns out to be in reality. But not always.

I'm very open-minded and have tried pretty much everything at some time or another - from monogamous hetero relationships to secret gay liaisons both long-term and short term. Some are fun, some are exciting, some are both some are none! Although each sexual encounter makes me want to have more and more sex, it's quite amazing how some fucks stay with you forever and others are forgotten by the time you've finished pulling your pants up.

Obviously your first time stays with you forever but some encounters have been a fucking disaster while others have been hugely momentous.

I once went to visit a BDSM Master. He was a lovely guy, a lot older than me - but we had quite a lot in common. He was generally a master but for me wanted to be passive. His specialty was choking people and hanging them from a home-made noose in his living room. In the fantasies the possibilities are endless - he had every type of equipment and accessory your heart could possibly desire - rows of dildos and vibrators of varying sizes, chains, ropes and gas masks. He was in his leathers and I knew he would let me do ANYTHING to him. Part of the game was him putting up a struggle obviously with me knowing that he could be submitted into doing as I required. But, you know what ... it was boring. I felt so stressed, constantly thinking what to do next - how to keep him hard and willing .. it was fucking exhausting!!! The fantasy in my head was not like that - having a guy who is willing and able to do anything is mindblowing ... in reality it was stressful and boring ... how I longed to just be in bed having a cuddle and a blow job from someone sweet!

I think sometimes the same applies to orgies - the idea of naked men all over the place masses of heaving and fucking man flesh all over the place seems fantastic in your head, but in reality I don't think it's quite the same. When there are so many naked men around - how much time is spent feeling inadequate compared to the man lying next to you?

I think the conclusion to this post is that perhaps we shouldn't think so much about how we'd like to have sex, but simply do it. Less over-analysis of how it should be and just concentrate on having a good time and making sure all involved will be back for more!