Monday, 25 January 2010

A Quiet Day

Sometimes my life is just way too boring.  Perhaps I'm not that different to everyone else after all.  My life in general consists of getting up in the morning (like most other people) going to work and sitting in an office all day long (sounds familiar?) and then coming home again in the evening, having something to eat and going to bed.  Then going through the whole routine again the next day and the next day.

Despite this repetitious lifestyle I have something which I guess a lot of other guys don't have and that's my gay side.  My channel, my escape, my release mechanism to have fun to speak to some great guys even occasionally to have some fun with them.  I'm not sure if it's to "be who I really am" because me living a regular life with a gay side is who I am.

I have been reading a few blogs recently of guys in a similar position to myself (married with families yet with a desire to be a with a man).  Unlike me, they are taking very different routes in their lives.  They have taken the step to come out to their wives and to reassess their lives together and to make a decision whether to live openly as a gay man or to remain married and suppress their feelings towards men.

I was aware of my attraction to men long before I got married but always knew that i would leave a regular life.  Many people would say that I'm living a lie and I'm not true to myself but I just don't feel that at all.  I have never felt a need to come out to my wife or to change the way I live in any way.  Sure my life isn't simple and many people would find it difficult to understand how I live the way I do, let alone actually live that way.  But it's my choice and as weird as it seems I'm very happy with the way I live my life.

The way I see it - I knew what I was before I got married but still made the commitment to do so and that must always be and as far as I'm concerned always will be my first priority.  When children are involved I think it becomes even harder.

I'm not judging these people in any way - everyone lives their life the way they chose to live it.  Some find it easier to live a double-life others find it harder.

The most important thing for people in my situation is to be happy (the pills help) and to enjoy your life and do what makes you happy without hurting anyone else.

1 comment:

  1. You probably referring to me in your blog. You blog interests me, because yes we seem to have the same feelings and pull, but have chosen to deal with it differently.
    I see nothing wrong with the way you live your life, and in fact I wanted and tried to live my life in the way that you are, but found the pressure to great. I have been lucky that my wife has reacted in the way that she has, but it was unexpected and I doubt the norm.
    There are no rule books, and often if you are able to maintain both lives whilst being happy and it works for you, then who can judge you on that.
    Everyone has there own way of making there lives, marriages and families work.

    For me I do not regret my decision to tell my wife, but in doing so I seem to have burdened her with my problems, and even bought her into the closet with me, but in return we seem to have a closer and more fulfilled bond.

    Wishing you the best of luck...