The musings and ramblings of a horny, married and closeted gay guy!!!!
Wednesday, 3 February 2010
I have heard on so many levels jokes about it being impossible to understand a woman and I have now reached the decision that these are in fact not jokes, but it's something that's totally true. It is impossible to understand a woman or what they are thinking or how they might react to a certain situation.
I'm in a horrible mood today. I had a big row with my wife this morning and the worst part of it is that I don't even know what we argued about! Rows and arguments can be classified into simple disagreements to all out war. Today was definitely at the bad end of the scale.
Why is it that some women just seem to either wake up angry or will go out of their way to be difficult and argumentative? I know that men can't always be easy - but in my opinion they are so much more easy going than women.
Our argument happened first thing this morning and it's completely screwed me up for the whole day. I can't concentrate and have no motivation to do anything. Sure everybody argues but I have reached the stage that I never know what's best. Although I don't do as I'm told - I was always told never to hold things inside but to say what you have to say. So what is best - to say what you have to say - have a huge row and be upset the whole day or to hold it in feeling very frustrated and be upset the whole day???
I can't deny there's an entire secret side to my life that my wife doesn't know about - but on the whole I'm a good husband and I never let the two sides of my life collide. My wife has friends/acquaintances who are beaten black and blue by their husbands. Friends whose husbands will happily get their wives pregnant and make it perfectly clear to them that they won't help with the care of the children. Friends who are controlled in every way by their husbands in terms of what they wear and how much money they are allowed to spend and friends whose husbands spend more time getting drunk and stoned with their friends than they do being at home!
I don't drink or gamble, I work hard, I do the best I can to provide for my family. I'm not violent or aggressive, I certainly don't control her in any way and I'm very supportive. But still that never seems to be enough.
I'm not trying to justify the way I live my life or make excuses for what I do, but sometimes just a kind word or a hug or nice gesture can make such a difference. It's possibly that which is lacking in my life that makes my desire to be with a man so strong. If I can't find what I need at home, I will simply look for it elsewhere. I don't know.
I've put on a brave face at work all day - I don't mix what goes on at home with what goes on outside the home, so having this blog is a nice way to vent what I've been feeling all day.
Wishing you all a better day than I had and I wait and see what this evening...tomorrow will bring.
I would happily accept a hug today from any of these guys.
I'm just a pretty normal married, closeted gay guy on the outside and a pretty complex guy on the inside. I've had cancer and been through quite a lot of stuff. Just looking to have fun and share my experiences with others!