Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Let Battle Commence

Since I started writing this blog I've not had a huge amount of feedback (posts on other blogs can easily reach 20-30+ comments), but the feedback I have always had has been interesting and positive .... until yesterday.

I've never been big on censorship nor have I found a need to do so since I began writing the blog.  I like to think my blog is purely as a chance to give an insight into my life, my thoughts, my actions and just an opportunity to share my life anonymously with others.  I don't think I'm ever judgmental and may even sometimes be funny and sexy.

Just today I was reading  The Gayest Str8 Guy's Blog and he wrote:

"I like blogging. I like reading Comments, getting email from dudes who like what they read, even getting email from the losers who hate me. But lets face it - the cool blogs have real life sex stories."
Which was great to read as I realised either it's the same lunatic or there are other lunatics out there in blogland.

Since this is my blog, I feel I have the right to write and describe what I like and how I like.  Nobody is forced to read this blog and if they don't like it they're welcome to move on to the next blog. 

Yesterday I was checking my mails and I had received a comment from "jwazzz" which personally I didn't understand - he'd written in reply to my post Memories the following comment:
"At first I thought this site was on the level - after reading a few of the posts (especially this one) I'm convinced that this is no different than Penthouse Forum with a bi twist. Nice try."
I even responded that I wasn't sure if this was a compliment or not. 

But then, to my post Feeling Horny he seemed to take great offence to what I'd written and commented with the following tirade:

"You can't find the "...appropriate outlet for your feelings." Did you ever consider your wife? You married gays are the worst - hooking up now with the internet is just way too easy for you. You'll continue to stay married and closeted, continue to get your dick fix when you need it and most likely, continue to laugh at the fag jokes told around the office (best case) or, and heaven forbid, stand around some night while your drunk buddies are beating the crap out of someone like me and just so your cover isn't blown, get in a few kicks and punches yourself. (worst case) Grow a pair and come out - if you're truly bi then continue to fuck men and women, just don't hide behind a marriage to do it."
Although I'm not a confrontation person at all, I'm also never one to back down from an argument when it is presented to me on a silver platter.  I responded immediately:
"I have never claimed that the way I live is the right way (or wrong way) nor is this blog intended to be any kind of defence of the way I live. But yes, this is how I live and I am definitely not the only person in the world to live like this. If I am happy living this way, then it's not your problem or your concern.

Please don't judge me based upon your own incorrect and misconceived perceptions of gay married men because clearly (based on your last comment) you are completely and utterly wrong.

I too may be wrong, but please don't be jealous of the way I live, it is not easy - but please be accepting of people who have chosen to live their life in a way different to your own.

Thanks for commenting though.

I think I shall post about this tomorrow.
"
I would just like to add that I am very pleased that from my writing you are able to ascertain what you did from my blog postings.  You obviously perceive me as a promiscuous, violent, lying, beer-swigging gay basher.  But you are totally, utterly, completely and definitely wrong!!!

If you don't like the way I live or the fact that I have a penchant for penis, a craving for cock, a desire for dick, a lust for labia or a voracity for vagina then that is your problem.  I happen to have very big balls - perhaps even bigger than yours (should we ever meet I'd love to compare).  If you want to be a militant "be loud and stand proud" gay man that is your choice and I think it's great that you are happy to live that way - but before you go assuming my way of life is the easy option, I recommend you stop and think before you blast off.

I would really be interested to hear from readers - should I have ignored these comments?  Am I right?  Is he wrong?  Should I have handled it differently?  Please let me know.

Rant over.  Regular proceedings will continue tomorrow.

17 comments:

  1. There are two separate issues with these comments. Firstly, the accusation that you are at best homophobic and at worst violently homophobic is not supported anywhere in your blog. It is quite out of order for the commenter to impute this without evidence. Secondly, your gay/married lifestyle is very much up for comment; after all, that's what your blog's about. It's just a shame that the commenter could not be questioning without being so judgemental. Personally, as an out gay man, I find the whole heterosexual marriage business very unatractive. Everywhere I look I see men who seem neither to like nor respect their wives and yet continue to struggle on with failed relationships. It must be even worse for a man who is primarily attracted to other men. I'm so glad I'm straightforwardly gay and never felt I had to get involved with all this marriage business.
    Keep on blogging. I like your style.

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  2. Thank you for your comment. I agree with everything you said!

    Really appreciate it, thanks!

    TLQ

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  3. As another man who loves men but also is married to a woman, I have been surprised by the intolerance of some out gay men toward the rest of us who are somewhere between 5 and 1 on the Kinsey scale (I'm a 5). One size does not fit all and duplicity, whether small white lies or big time ones, seems to be a pervasive human characteristic regardless of sexual preference or gender (politicians and clergy are the most obvious examples). For me, the goal is to minimize suffering: the suffering of other and the suffering of one's self. May each find his own path.

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  4. I think BB hits on something here. Why are some gay men so narrow about how other gay men SHOULD/MUST act?! Its ironic how the Gay Rights movement has been so focused on being who you want to be, but doesn't accept that people might make different decisions about how they want to live their lives.

    I, too, am not more or less homosexual and heterosexual and am very comfortable with both sexes. Why should I have to publicly declare which side of the fence I am on to make a political statement for "the group"? I support gay men and women and defend the right to CHOICES.

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  5. The commenter is the typical bi hater: he believes that bi guys are just hiding their true gay feelings. At least he was man enough to include a name, some of the commenters who stand behind an Anonymous shield spew hatred even worse. Those are the one's that I choose to hit the delete key on.

    Opinion's are like assholes, everyone's entitled to one. But you don't have to be one when giving it.

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  6. I'll admit that one part of my comment yesterday was over the top. I don't know you and should have never inferred that violence was a part of your nature - for that, I apologize. I guess the thing that bothers me most about this is not that you have a "...penchant for penis..." and a "...voracity for vagina..." (although I found it interesting that 3 out of your 5 listed desires were for cock), I've been with women and men and consider the vast majority of the population bisexual to some degree. I just don't get the cheating part. If you're in a committed relationship, be it hetero or homo, I feel you owe your partner the love and respect to not stray. Answer the following and it will clear up a lot for me - have you told your wife? As for me being a "...militant, loud, proud gay man..." - not even close. Out yes but I leave the political side of the discussion to those who are more articulate. Finally, ball size - I'd gladly compare. I was blessed with nuts the size of ripe plums - unfortunately they are attached to a dick that just makes it into the average range. Good luck with your blog - I just found it yesterday and will continue to read it for awhile. And good luck with your life - there are times when I'm sure you feel you have the best of both worlds but there must be others when it's really tough. Peace.

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  7. Thank you all so much for your comments. You all managed to say what I wanted to say but articulated so much better than I could.

    jwazzz thanks so much for your reply. You are a true man, I actually didn't think that you would reply.

    I wish I could give you an answer to your question about the cheating and respect to the committed partner - but cheating and disloyalty is something that happens around the worlds across all cultures, societies and not just in loving/sexual relationships in business relationships too for example. People cheat, it's just a part of some peoples' nature and I certainly couldn't tell you why people/I cheat. Maybe we crave the excitement, maybe we crave the secrecy or the danger in doing it, maybe we're not satisfied with what we have ... who knows?

    You plum sized balls sound delightful. I too have big balls and a not so big display stand.

    Take care and thanks again for commenting and I honestly hope you enjoy reading my blog.

    KISS!

    TLQ

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  8. You have some amazing posts and truly thoughtful comments! As the internet is a completely anonymous place, I find that people will make all manner of comments, accusations, and extrapolations with little or no consequence to others who may view, or to the original author. Not to mention that their comments may be ill-thought, callous, and/or rude.

    I think your fortunate to have amazing dialogue here, and hope it continues! Keep up the good work!!!

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  9. As a gay [or bi] man in his 60s who could not accept my sexuality until I was 48 I have my own perspective on these issues. I was born in 1946 and was raised in the South. The homophobia of the 1950s & 1960s was all pervasive in my life. I was a ‘house child’ raised by my mother while my father was out making money. He was an alcoholic who only drank in the evening so when he came home, as he did every evening, he had already had a drink or two. He was a real Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde type. Brilliant, charismatic, handsome, a superb athlete who spent no time with his sons. I forced myself to ‘butch’ up as a teenager so as to blend in. Some how I always knew I was gay, but could not face or accept that fact. After I had my first real sexual experience with a college student while I was a senior in high school I tried to kill myself. I went to college, pledged a fraternity, dated and ‘fell in love’ with the right girl. Luckily for me she was THE right person. She accepted me, accepted that there had been a man or two in my past. We married and are now in our 40th year together. In 1993 my staff did an intervention to save my life. I became a compulsive overeater to ‘stuff’ my feelings, and in part to make me unattractive to other men. Not having a big or even average size dick made me even more insecure about sex, particularly with the size obsession that seemed to be the state of gay men I knew or read about. By 1993 I had become clinically depressed. The treatment center they sent me to dealt with all the abuse, self hatred, and co-dependency of my life. I left there deeply aware of who I am and have had 17 years of peace and self-acceptance. I am blessed with some very good friends who share themselves with me in some very wonderful ways. I have a life partner who has made my life wonderful, we have two grown sons who are truly great men. They know I am gay. I am open about who I am. I work hard for the LGBT community. If wishes were horses I am not sure where it would have taken me if I could have accepted myself as a teenager, or even in my 20s. I cannot imagine my life without my wife or sons. All I know is that I will do whatever it takes to make sure no one, particularly young people, have to suffer as I did for being gay. I have “friends” who like my bridge partner, or my golf partner, do not have the claim on my life my wife does. No one else can know what it is like to be me, except me. No one else has written my life story except me. No one else has the right to judge me. If God loves me that is enough.

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  10. I'm so pleased for you that everything worked out in the end. I also think the most important thing is personal happiness!

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  11. I don't want to be confrontational although I am sure that it will probably come across as such but I have to take issue with the last statement - "I also think the most important thing is personal happiness." Personal happiness is fine as long as you are single but it can't be paramount if you are in a relationship. The very nature of a committed relationship requires sacrifice on the part of both parties and sacrifice often does not lead to complete personal happiness. I am at a point in my life where I am single and very happy to be here because it does give me the freedom to do what and who I want when I want. In my history, I have had three relationships that really mattered - one woman and two men and in every case, compromise was always at the forefront (except at the beginning stages where all you want to do is fuck and are willing to overlook those little things that eventually drive you crazy.) The prior poster had a wonderful story and he is lucky to have such supportive people around him and I wish him all the best but it also sounds like his life was full of personal strife that led him to this point. I guess, in my perfect world, there would just be human sexuality and the social pressures to commit to just one camp - gay, straight or bi would be non-existent. But, alas, I'm dreaming and this is the world we are stuck with. So yes, strive for personal happiness but also remember that when there are others involved, there are often prices to pay for that happiness, ( If you think your "monster-in-law" is a bitch now, wait until the day comes when you break the news to her or, heaven forbid, she finds out on her own. Hell hath no fury like a mother-in-law who's daughter has been scorned.)

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  12. Hey Jwazzz, I don't think you are being confrontational at all and I appreciate your efforts to reply and evoke an intelligent discussion here.

    My view is that personal happiness is a very "personal" issue. What you may consider as lack of compromise or deceit in say, my relationship, is for me - personal happiness. I have found the "balance" between both worlds. It's definitely not a perfect/suitable situation from the point of view of someone looking in from the outside - but for me personally it's a good situation (not ideal - but good).

    I'm sure I've mentioned this already in my blog and definitely know that I've read it too on other blogs, but I think my relationship is much more stable and happier with me fulfilling my desire to be with men than if I was left frustrated and not actually doing anything.

    I am very disciplined and very careful and extraordinarily discreet and sensible with regard to what I do and who I do it with and like to think that I'm smart enough (and disciplined enough) not to ever get caught.

    The idea of the monster-in-law being shocked/disgusted/sickened by finding out - only makes the idea of coming out more attractive.

    How are you plums?

    Kiss,

    TLQ

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  13. Seems that everything is already said in the above comments so all I want to add is a compliment on the wonderful wrestling pictures. Wrestling is such a turn on! Stretching out each others bodies, feeling the muscles, dominating, being dominated. Sorry for being totally off topic now :-)

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  14. Great discussion. As far as responding to readers comments or now, I always do if they aren't evil flames or spam. Helps me keep from getting too delusional about how right I am. And at the same token, helps me rethink my choices and reaffirm them.

    BTW - I was married for a while too and totally get all the frustrations and aggravations of being bi and what people made of it.

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  15. youre doing great. dont let the douchebags get u down

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  16. The plums are fine, thank you for asking. They got a good workout this weekend and long overdue, I might add. (One of the downsides of being single and selective.) I've got to say that I loved the wrestling images as well - I lost my M2M virginity as a direct result of a bit of living room wrestling so it's always had a special place in my heart. I also want to comment on your profile photo - that's one smokin' hot bod! You would be doing the gay men in your city a grave disservice by denying them access. (And your wife is a very lucky woman - in fact, the next time the "monster-in-law" spends the weekend, walk around the house shirtless. If she has any sense of what being a woman is about left, she'll be too flustered to be mean to you.)

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