Women!

I have heard on so many levels jokes about it being impossible to understand a woman and I have now reached the decision that these are in fact not jokes, but it's something that's totally true.  It is impossible to understand a woman or what they are thinking or how they might react to a certain situation.

I'm in a horrible mood today.  I had a big row with my wife this morning and the worst part of it is that I don't even know what we argued about!  Rows and arguments can be classified into simple disagreements to all out war.  Today was definitely at the bad end of the scale.

Why is it that some women just seem to either wake up angry or will go out of their way to be difficult and argumentative?  I know that men can't always be easy - but in my opinion they are so much more easy going than women.

Our argument happened first thing this morning and it's completely screwed me up for the whole day.  I can't concentrate and have no motivation to do anything.  Sure everybody argues but I have reached the stage that I never know what's best.  Although I don't do as I'm told - I was always told never to hold things inside but to say what you have to say.  So what is best - to say what you have to say - have a huge row and be upset the whole day or to hold it in feeling very frustrated and be upset the whole day???

I can't deny there's an entire secret side to my life that my wife doesn't know about - but on the whole I'm a good husband and  I never let the two sides of my life collide.  My wife has friends/acquaintances who are beaten black and blue by their husbands.  Friends whose husbands will happily get their wives pregnant and make it perfectly clear to them that they won't help with the care of the children.  Friends who are controlled in every way by their husbands in terms of what they wear and how much money they are allowed to spend and friends whose husbands spend more time getting drunk and stoned with their friends than they do being at home!

I don't drink or gamble, I work hard, I do the best I can to provide for my family.  I'm not violent or aggressive, I certainly don't control her in any way and I'm very supportive.  But still that never seems to be enough.

I'm not trying to justify the way I live my life or make excuses for what I do, but sometimes just a kind word or a hug or nice gesture can make such a difference.  It's possibly that which is lacking in my life that makes my desire to be with a man so strong.  If I can't find what I need at home, I will simply look for it elsewhere.  I don't know.

I've put on a brave face at work all day - I don't mix what goes on at home with what goes on outside the home, so having this blog is a nice way to vent what I've been feeling all day.

Wishing you all a better day than I had and I wait and see what this evening...tomorrow will bring.

I would happily accept a hug today from any of these guys.

Flirting

Flirty office guy is back in the office from his trip.  I'm quite sure I'm not imagining it but there seems to be so much sexual tension/chemistry between us, it's quite wild.  I'm almost positive it's there and not just something I keep thinking is there, but isn't.  A lot of the "running" seems to come from him too.  He sends me messages on Skype, visits me in my office etc...  Don't misunderstand, I also initiate some of the contact, but definitely not all.

He is incredibly sexy - he's thin and has a cute little behind.  Would love to see what he looks like naked.  Just given the chance I'd make sure it was something he wouldn't forget!

Some of our Skype conversations have been particularly sexual - but I still can't tell if it's just joking around or whether there is something deeper.  Even when messing about I don't know whether a guy would tell another guy that he has sensitive nipples hahaha!

Anyway, I'm totally horny - and having spoken to a good friend of mine earlier today, he managed to make me even hornier.  His explicit descriptions of what we're going to do together next time we meet didn't help at all.  I hope it's soon - he's a great guy incredibly sexy with a great body.  Guess I just have to be patient.

Other than that, things are pretty quiet here.  I've joined Twitter - but still trying to work out how it all works, if I think it's good I'll add a link here.  The tablets are still working nicely and I'm sleeping much better than I was and I'm so much calmer and patient - which was the purpose of me taking the tablets.  But I still realise that until other things in my life change, the pressure is still there but I just seem to be dealing with it better.

As for the pictures, there is nothing (in my opinion) nicer than a guy in briefs - other than perhaps a guy not in his briefs!  These are model pics but still nice to look at.

Some See Straight in Me

It all began about 1½ years ago.  Through my daughter's nursery we met a couple whose daughter quickly became best friends with my daughter.  He was currently studying for his doctorate and she was in an office job.  I'm not a snob, but they weren't really my cup of tea - I'm not too sure why, but they were pleasant enough and the kids got along great. 

They were perhaps a little too over-friendly - it was as though the husband had decided that no matter what, we would be their friends.  It later became obvious that the husband was very controlling and pretty much decided everything that went on in their house.  Often at weekends they would phone us to see if we wanted to join them - sometimes we said yes, other times we didn't.

The wife was particularly timid.  I think she'd had quite a difficult life, always saying how much she'd hated being at school.  She was bullied at work.  She had a controlling husband.  She didn't even have much of a personality but was basically harmless.  She often confided in my wife at how her husband was sometimes very mean to her and made all the decisions about their lives.

Basically we all began to get along very nicely, it was all very correct and easy-going.  We had all exchanged emails and the wife would send me the viral internet jokes she received or send me a mail to say she ask if I'd had a nice weekend and other pleasantries.

One day about 7 or 8 months ago she sent me a mail asking about my weekend.  I don't really have much patience for her so replied pretty briefly that it was nice (or something similar) but I could see that she wasn't giving up.  She sent me another mail almost immediately saying I hadn't answered all her questions.  I replied back saying I had just been a little busy and distracted at work.

She continued, and again sends me another mail which just said something along the lines of "Can I talk to you seriously for a minute?".  I wasn't really left with much choice so I said, "yeah, sure!"  Within 2 minutes she'd replied with this rambling mail that she can no longer control her feelings and she's going with her heart and not her head (yadda yadda yadda) and that she's in love with me!!

I was a little shocked (to say the least).  As some of my other posts on this blog may show - I'm not really into women any more than the one I have at home (and believe me that's more than enough).  No matter how much I were to try, I couldn't fancy this women if she was pickled!  I suddenly realised this poor, timid woman was throwing herself at me offering me the chance to have an affair with her and it was suddenly something very "grown up".

I immediately replied that I found it very flattering (how gay!) but I wasn't in the least bit interested and as far as I'm concerned this whole issue is closed and I don't want to mention it again. She replied something like she had no intentions of hurting her husband or my wife (yeah, right!) and she thanked me for my honesty.

A day or two later I saw her but I just carried on as though nothing had happened - she was unable to make eye contact with me.  After that, the whole thing went quiet for a couple of weeks when I received another email from her and again with her "following her heart" crap and she was sure she had seen "a sign" or a glimmer of hope that I was interested.  I was left with no choice but to reiterate that I wasn't interested. 

I guess you gotta give her credit for trying, but I just wasn't interested.    Obviously I never mentioned any of this to my wife but there's still a great deal of discomfort when we're around each other.  Almost as though she's undressing me with her eyes hahahahaha!  Luckily I don't think she's a bunny boiler nor do I expect one night to go to bed to find a horse's head lying next to me.  But personally, I think I handled the situation pretty well and in a grown up way.

I suppose I'm not as gay as I thought I was and I still manage to pull off the straight thing when needed.

I'm not sure why I wrote this post today - but it was interesting seeing it in writing!

Nothing Changes

I'd been talking to a guy for a couple of weeks on MSN.  A friend of mine and I were trying to set up a threesome and we got in touch with this guy.  For the time being the threesome hasn't worked out due to all three of us working at different times, in different places and being generally unavailable (and two of us being married makes it a little harder too).  Thursday afternoon I'm chatting with this guy and he's very eager to meet.

What the hell?  It was quite late in the day around 1745 and he says he's on his way to where I work.  I wait for him where I say I'll wait and he turns up just on time.  I get into his car.  He's early 50s, well maintained, bald with a broad smile.  The first thing he asked me was whether I know of a quiet place to go.  I told him just to drive and we'd see what we could find.  Quite quickly we got over the initial embarrassment of what to ask and what to talk about.  Within a few minutes while still driving around, he had his hand on my leg, gently stroking it and then rubbing my crotch area.  I immediately reciprocated.

We drove around a little longer and eventually he found a quiet place where we could "be alone". He turned off the engine and looked at me and we began kissing.  He was very passionate and was obviously very pleased to be with me.

I enjoyed playing with his nipples and he seemed to enjoy it too.  I began opening his trousers and he immediately undid them and pulled both his trousers and black briefs down to his ankles.  I leaned over the handbrake (the bruise will soon disappear) and immediately took his cock in my mouth.  He enjoyed being sucked - he said he was almost always a top, but I have no doubt with a little bit of encouragement he can be persuaded to do anything (my kinda guy).  His cock was rock hard as we began kissing more - lots of hands all over the place sucking him, licking his soft, shaved balls too.  Before long his panting was becoming faster and deeper.  At this stage he was jerking himself fast while we were kissing then suddenly he calls out "I'm cumming!"  I sat back and watched him shoot his load over himself.  His face said it all and it was clear it had been a couple of days, at least, since he'd last cum.  He then looked me in the eye and said it was my turn.

I pulled down my trousers and underwear and began stroking - I was horny as hell and had been for a few weeks.  My cock was hard - but didn't want to cum over myself in the car (I had to get back to work).  We both step out of the car and he stands next to me - more kissing, he's playing with arse and then one deep gasp and I'm shooting like rocket.  He's a little shocked at how much but I needed it real bad.

We get back in the car and head back to our regular lives.

It wasn't the greatest but as the saying goes "needs must!"  I hope to be including him in a threesome real soon.  Details to follow.

It had definitely been a while since my last contact with a guy.  But as always, nothing changes!

He's Back...

Flirty office guy returned to the office today.  He's looking very good after his skiing trip. 

Unfortunately all my plans were a bit of an anti-climax.  He came into my office this morning to say hello but he was with someone else and there were people in my office - so I couldn't even give him the hug I had been planning - it was just a little hug.  But in my current and constant state of horniness - a hug is a hug and a hug is contact - so I take what I can get!!!

He brought in chocolates today - it's a tradition in our company that whoever goes abroad always brings back chocolates.  I had a couple - but keep forgetting that I'm on a diet now so have to be careful unfortunately - particularly because he brought the good stuff and because it's his - and I'm happy to put anything of his in my mouth!

One thing I love doing with a man is kissing.  Feeling the lips of another man on your own lips is the sweetest and softest feelings possible.  I hope I get to kiss Flirty office guy soon.  If not, maybe someone else out there wants to kiss me?

Other than that - things are pretty quiet.  Too quiet.  I need some M2M contact - haven't had any for a long time now.  It's strange but it's something that I really miss when I don't have it - as though something is missing from me.  Just a hug or a kiss and I feel better.

Have a wonderful day!

Allsorts

Although I'm aware that some of my posts are a little repetitious and even boring I do spend a fair bit of time thinking about what I'm going to write.  I write for a living so it's always very important for me to write (to my own standards of course) clearly and correctly.

I also probably spend way too much of my day reading lots (and lots) of other blogs.  Since I'm still new to blogging I still find it all quite exciting/interesting to having a look into the minds and lives of other men.  Whether it be the teenage school kids coming to terms with their sexuality, the confused, single, college guys that want to change the way they feel about men all the way through to the hardcore bareback fuckers and of course the married guys and their double-lives or confused lives.

I'm totally one for live and let live.  Everyone should live the best way they can and I'm sure I've said it before everyone should be happy.  I can't deny that sometimes I am quite shocked by the way other people live (despite what a lot of people will say - my life is pretty straightforward - to me, at least) sometimes even a little scared at how reckless or carefree people can be.  But if it makes them happy then I say go for it.

My last post and some of the comments I've left on other blogs have raised a few eyebrows (to say the least).  I have not intended in any way to be judgmental or controversial and if anyone has taken what I've written the wrong way then I apologise.  I do think that a lot of people, me included, sometimes perhaps take unnecessary risks and do things that other's wouldn't do.

I have been told that the way I live my life is "dangerous" and at some point I will be "caught" or "found out".  I'm not so sure that I agree.  I have always said that I am very disciplined when it comes to my gay lifestyle and I really mean it.  I have turned down many possible great opportunities because I have not been prepared to risk what I have.  No matter what situation I may be in, whether having a naked gay massage, visiting a gay sauna or fucking a guy behind a tree in a public park, I am always aware of where I am, what I'm doing and who I'm doing it with.  Obviously, nothing and nobody is certain but as long as you're careful and sensible - even when you're horny and your dick is rock hard, I think I can live my life fully.

*********************************

On a brighter note, Flirty office guy is back from his holidays tomorrow - I shall put on extra aftershave and I'm expecting a big hug from him when we get in the office tomorrow.

A Quiet Day

Sometimes my life is just way too boring.  Perhaps I'm not that different to everyone else after all.  My life in general consists of getting up in the morning (like most other people) going to work and sitting in an office all day long (sounds familiar?) and then coming home again in the evening, having something to eat and going to bed.  Then going through the whole routine again the next day and the next day.

Despite this repetitious lifestyle I have something which I guess a lot of other guys don't have and that's my gay side.  My channel, my escape, my release mechanism to have fun to speak to some great guys even occasionally to have some fun with them.  I'm not sure if it's to "be who I really am" because me living a regular life with a gay side is who I am.

I have been reading a few blogs recently of guys in a similar position to myself (married with families yet with a desire to be a with a man).  Unlike me, they are taking very different routes in their lives.  They have taken the step to come out to their wives and to reassess their lives together and to make a decision whether to live openly as a gay man or to remain married and suppress their feelings towards men.

I was aware of my attraction to men long before I got married but always knew that i would leave a regular life.  Many people would say that I'm living a lie and I'm not true to myself but I just don't feel that at all.  I have never felt a need to come out to my wife or to change the way I live in any way.  Sure my life isn't simple and many people would find it difficult to understand how I live the way I do, let alone actually live that way.  But it's my choice and as weird as it seems I'm very happy with the way I live my life.

The way I see it - I knew what I was before I got married but still made the commitment to do so and that must always be and as far as I'm concerned always will be my first priority.  When children are involved I think it becomes even harder.

I'm not judging these people in any way - everyone lives their life the way they chose to live it.  Some find it easier to live a double-life others find it harder.

The most important thing for people in my situation is to be happy (the pills help) and to enjoy your life and do what makes you happy without hurting anyone else.