Pretentious Wankers

Well my weekend is over and I actually had quite a good weekend.  Didn't do anything particularly special but I definitely think the tablets are making a difference.  If nothing else, I'm sleeping much better which in turn allows me to wake up at a more normal hour - feeling much happier and less frustrated!  I love chemicals!!!

As I've said before, I know that until things start changing around me my situation isn't going to change, but I'm sure the tablets are helping me see things more clearly and calmly - which can only be a good thing.

My wife said some things at the weekend which also cheered me up a bit - just things that I'd wanted to hear from her for a long time.  It's gonna take a while but things are way more positive than they have been.

On Saturday I took my daughter to a birthday party in a very expensive part of town.  It was full of people my age the majority of which simply had very wealthy parents allowing them to live where they live. 

Just observing these people made me realise that being poor definitely has its benefits.  Having managed to park my very ordinary (but new!) saloon car among a sea of jeeps I was confronted by a gaggle of cloned and fake-tanned women with their peroxide blond hair carrying Chanel or Prada hand bags.  Naturally they were all tottering around on expensive and vertiginous high heels.  Even one of the birthday girls' mothers had removed her shoes since was simply unable to walk in them. 

The husbands all seemed to be suffering from the same visual impairment as none of them were able to remove their designer sunglasses, even though we were inside.

Although some of the men there were irritatingly good looking, it proved that it doesn't matter how stylish these people might think they are, how much money their parents may be putting into their bank accounts each month or how expensive their clothes are - money might allow you a good life, it might help you sleep at night but it simply cannot buy class.

...and I'm feelin' good.

Like I said yesterday, things are beginning to move slowly, but surely in my life in a positive direction.

I took my first "calming" tablet last night and I think it worked.  It made me quite sleepy (at least I think it did, I was very tired anyway) and slept pretty well without waking up.  I woke up this morning feeling pretty good.  I also went today to see the dietitian.  The good news is that I'm not as heavy as I thought I was going to be, the bad news is I've still got a lot of weight to lose.

Like with any challenge, it's not going to be easy but I know that if I'm sensible and disciplined with my food I can lose the weight pretty quickly and easily.  Personally, I wanted to lose 20 kilos but the dietitian said only 10 was necessary.  I'm not going to argue with her - let me lose the first 10 and then we'll see where to go from there.  For me anyway, the important thing is that I've made the conscious decision and am now prepared to make the effort to do something to "improve" myself and that in itself makes me feel better.

I'm already missing Flirty office guy.  He's gone away until next Wednesday skiing with Mrs Flirty office guy.  How sad.  I wanted to give him a big hug when I left work yesterday, but there were lots of people and it seemed inappropriate - at least I'll get a big hug from him next week when he comes back.  I guess in the meantime I'll have to fantasize about what might be when he returns.

Unfortunately, fantasizing is all I have at the moment.  I'm still horny as hell and nobody to have sex with.  It's such a pisser when people are working and busy doing other things and don't have time to have sex with me at times that are only convenient to me - how unthoughtful!!!

Thank you to everyone who has commented on my blog - I really appreciate the time and effort you take to read and comment on my blog.

A few pictures of some real guys in their undies to make you all smile and put you in a nice mood to have a great day.

A New Start

Well got back from the doctors and all is fine.  The doctor's surgery is in the basement of her very large and very new house.  There was a very good looking guy sitting in the reception area as I walked in and hoped he would jump on me and lick my face (or at the very least smile at me and give me his number) alas - neither happened!

I explained to the doctor everything and she is very sympathetic.  She was the doctor who took my symptoms seriously when I was diagnosed with cancer.  I have read many stories of doctors who have misdiagnosed or ignored signs of the illness - so I really trust her judgment when treating me!  She definitely said that I needed to lose weight but unfortunately she didn't want to give me any diet pills (damn it) but instead referred me to a dietitian.  She believes the best way for me to lose weight is sensible eating and exercise (who's ever heard of such a thing!?!) so no drugs there.

She did give me a prescription for a drug that should calm me down.  She told me to take it for a month and to see if it has any effect, if not, she'll try something else - she mentioned Prozac even, but I don't think my situation is that bad to warrant me taking pills like that.  Let's hope what she gave me works a little. 

I know that taking a pill isn't going to repair my financial situation, but I hope at least it will help me calm down and relax a little and to be able to take things in my stride.

I am still unimaginably horny, to the point where I can be really dirty and slutty - which on the one hand is good but ....  I have a profile on a dating/hook up site but nobody even bothers to look at that anymore (how sad!).  I hope something comes up soon - it's quite amazing what a big difference the touch of a man can have on my mood.  If I have the chance I may try and flirt outrageously with Flirty office guy - I'm desperate!

I'm wearing Ralph Lauren Polo aftershave today, the smell is so good.  I really recommend it.  I have lots of aftershaves and never use them, just recently I've started using them again and at the moment this is definitely my favourite, followed very closely by Rochas man!

Thanks to all who commented and have a great day.  I'm feeling quite upbeat today, happy that the doctor took me seriously and hopefully I'm about to make a new start. 

Uneventful Days...

This blog proves that sometimes my life can be pretty uneventful.  I seem to be in quite a lull at the moment.  I'm just working going home getting up in the morning and going to work again - not even having any sex.  I'm so horny and pretty frustrated.

I haven't heard anything about the job prospects - very doubtful whether anything will actually happen - but trying to remain positive.  But remaining positive is proving sometimes to be harder and harder.  I'm pretty down at the moment - just things in general family, financial and my weight.

Tomorrow I have an appointment to see my doctor - I seem to have acquired a list of pills I want from her.  Still undecided which order to ask for things.  I need something to calm me down, I'm very stressed at the moment and have a feeling my blood pressure is sky high.  Because of all the things I'm worrying about I'm not sleeping properly either so need something to help me sleep. 

But my main problem at the moment is my weight - since I started chemotherapy which contained a lot of steroids I've put on loads of weight.  I think I need her to give me some kind of appetite suppresant.  Perhaps one table can cure all - we shall see what she has to say!!!

I guess as the way I live my life is secret so are my feelings.  To the "outside world" I'm still the same happy guy I always am, but inside there's lots of things worrying and bothering me.  Hopefully a few coloured chemicals from my wonderful doctor will make things seem much better!

I'm sure everything will work out just fine in the end.  More positive thinking - as Oprah says: If you think positive thoughts, positive things happen.  Maybe bullshit, but when you're down in the dumps you tend to accept any advice offered.

Thank you all for listening and commenting. 

The picture of the naked man is purely to put a dirty smile on my face and hopefully yours too.  Enjoy!

Quiet Day

There are some days when I have so much to write about I have to cut down what to say in order that my posts don't become rambling nonsense and other days when things are very quiet.  Today is a very quiet day.

Maybe this is what is mean by writer's block.

There is still nothing new with Flirty office guy (unfortunately) - there is a lot of "erotica" going on between us - but still no real news.  Yesterday I showed him I was wearing my Calvin Klein underwear (alas I don't look like a CK model) - and he showed me he was wearing "cheap" orange undies - I couldn't tell if they were boxer-briefs or tanga briefs - but it was nice to know. 

Today, we were sending each other messages in the office on Skype, I thanked him for leaving me my daily red grapefruit and it got very sexual (I also gave him a very exaggerated hug too) - to the point where he said we should meet in the toilets because he wanted to suck my nipples all day long (so I told him mine were big and juicy) and he said I could lick his arse.  Unfortunately, just words and no actions...but as always I remain optimistic and positive that one day it will turn from fantasy into reality.  Please keep your fingers crossed!!!

I am so horny at the moment but everyone is busy - sometimes I don't understand why people work so hard.  It's pouring with rain at the moment and getting quite cold - just the weather to be under a warm duvet with a nice naked man to wrap around so we can keep each other warm.

Have a great week and hope to report back soon with lots of exciting news.

 

Massage Message

It's very weird that since I started writing this blog some of the distant memories of people I've met and things I've done are suddenly surfacing after such a long time.

When I was at university I can't remember if I was looking to buy or sell a car but I'd bought a copy of LOOT (a free ads newspaper for buying and selling stuff) - I guess nowadays you'd use Ebay!  Anyway, I was looking through the paper and I suddenly stumble across a section for massages - personal services.  It's not that I was naive or anything, but guess I wasn't expected to see these kind of ads in a newspaper like this.

I don't know what it was about these ads, but I kept finding myself looking at them.  I notice the telephone number was local to where I went to university and it stayed in my head! 

This must have been going on for about 3 weeks - it was an advert for a guy who gives massages to other men - I don't know what it was about this ad, but I couldn't stop thinking about it.  One day, I get to university and the lecture I had come to hear had been cancelled and my next lecture wasn't for another few hours.  Hhhmmmm what shall I do with this spare time???

I called the number I had memorized.  It rang a few times and someone answered.  I asked how much a massage costs and when he is available.  He asked if I'd like to come over now?  I agreed and he gave me directions how to get there.  I was quite excited.  Another thing to tick off my "must give it a try" list.

I find the place without any problems and approach the door and ring on the bell.  I tall thin guy answers the door - he's dressed in a trackie bottoms and a white T-shirt.  He's about 40, not bad looking.  He directs me into his "lounge" which has a sofa, small television set and a massage table.  Long, thin red curtains at the window make the room seem much darker than it was with everything slightly tinged red.  I was quite nervous but there was something quite sexy about the ambiance of the setting.  I sit down on the sofa and he smiles at me and says "this your first time then?"  I tell him it is and he tells me to relax and enjoy myself.  He's just going into another room to get ready and in the meantime I should undress.  He leaves the room and I begin to take my clothes off.

Not sure of what to do I undress very slowly hoping he'll come back and he'll tell me what to do.  I'm now in just my undies and I'm not sure if to remove them or not.  Just at that point, he walks back into the room

He's completely naked other than a pair of white socks.  He smiles at me again and tells me to take everything off and get onto the massage table.  I strip naked and climb onto the table - he asks where I'd like to start and I roll onto my stomach. 

He asks if he can use oils (telling me I can shower after the massage) and I agree.  As I lay on my stomach - television is directly in front of my face and he puts on a gay porn video to add to the atmosphere.  I'm beginning to relax and enjoy myself.  He points out the certificates on the wall that he's a qualified masseur.  He's working on my feet and calf muscles.  It feels good.  He definitely knows what he's doing.

He begins working his way up my legs - reaching my buttocks.  I can feel I'm all oiled up  he somehow slides his arm between my cheeks - it feels fantastic - using each arm sliding up my but cheeks, my inner thighs, touching my balls gently.  WOW, it's feeling better and better. 

He's now on my lower back - working his way upwards.  Massaging each back muscles slowly and deeply.  He's now standing directly in front of my face as I lay down - my face level with his cock - which I can see is semi-hard.  Since he's been massaging me I haven't seen him (I was on my stomach and he was working at the other end of me!).  As he leans over me his cock is right in my face.  I can't stop myself and I take his cock and put it in my mouth.  I ask him if it's OK - and he says "go for it".  I can taste the oil on his cock, I realise he's been rubbing his cock while massaging me.  His cock getting harder and harder in my mouth.  My cock getting harder too.

He asks me if I'd like him to finish me off and I smile and say yes.  He rolls me onto my back.  My cock is now rock hard and his oiled hands begin to slide up and down my shaft.  I'm already feeling totally relaxed and at ease with him.  His cock is now rock hard too as he continues to jerk my cock.  He really is an expert with his hands.  Within a minute or two I begin twitching slightly as my cock explodes shooting ropes of cum over myself.  I look at him and he has a wry smile on his face.  I just lay on the massage table totally chilled and feeling good.

The masseur hands me a towel and directs me to where I can take a shower.  It's not an easy job cleaning off massage oil and cum.  I hear the guy on the phone making another appointment for a massage.  That familiar feeling of needing to get out of that place overtaking me.  I finish the shower and get dressed quickly.  Pay my money and thank the guy very much.

It was fun, but not something I've repeated since.  But I do highly recommend it! 

Pleasing

Everybody likes something different.  Some men like to be tops, others bottoms - some like to be throttled and have smoke forcibly blown in their face while others like to dress up as a woman wearing high heels having a dildo inserted up their bum!

One of the most common and preliminary questions that I'm always asked whether in a chat room or in a dating website is "what do you like?".  I'm never quite sure what to answer.  There is in fact, for me, no simple answer.  What I like can very depend on my mood.  In general I like to be more active and more in charge of things.  More often than not, this is mistaken to assume I'm a dominant master who is looking for a passive sex slave.  On the other hand, I enjoy sucking a cock and lots of touching and kissing and general body contact.

In my own warped mind - I often consider being the guy who sucks as being in more control than the guy being sucked, after all, his most important and delicate organ is inside my mouth with 20+ well maintained sharp teeth being able to chop it off in fraction of a second!

I once chatted extensively with a married guy (we shall call him A) who was totally submissive.  He explained to me in great detail how for him, being submissive to another man, swallowing his cum, being fucked aggressively and being subservient to him was the greatest turn-on for him.  Having been together for over two years, A discovered his dominant "boyfriend" (B) was being unfaithful to him.  A hated the idea that his boyfriend whom he loved a lot was being unfaithful to him with (C).  So instead of ending the relationship - A allowed B to bring C into their relationship upon which A was being fucked by A and B!  To add to the humiliation A was suffering, B & C spoke a language which A didn't understand - so when they would meet up together, A didn't even know what B & C were talking about and would only know what was going on when he was bundled into the bedroom or was forced to bend over etc... 

At first, I was horrified that he could allow himself to be treated in such a way.  But after a lot of explanations from A, I understood that for him - that was what he liked.  Particularly for married guys, as I've said before, we need the escape from our mundane lives into the gay world.  When we make that escape we want to enjoy ourselves and that was how he enjoyed himself.

I began to understand that the same pleasure and excitement that I get from being more dominant with guys is the same pleasure and excitement that my partner receives being submissive to my dominance.

I guess the important things is that everybody does what they enjoy most and that it's fun for everyone - after all, in my opinion, sex needs to be fun!

Sex doesn't necessarily have to be slow and last for hours.  Sometimes sex can be rushed, in a dangerous place and with an unsavory partner, but at the end of the day it must be fun and enjoyable to everyone involved.

So go out and enjoy yourselves, and be safe!

********************************************************************

Forgot to mention - last night's staying late was a wash out.  Flirty office guy ended up leaving early!!!  Ahh well, he did leave me some more red grapefruit today - but I didn't get an opportunity to look at his pair!