Patience and Perseverance

I just want to start by thanking everyone who has replied to my posts or has recently begun following my blog.  I never thought when I started writing this blog I would get so into doing it.  I had often thought about writing but never thought I actually would.

I remember a friend of mine recommending it and thought what the hell and immediately opened up a profile to begin blogging.  I assumed I'd make a post once every now and again to remember something fun.  But it's turned into a lot more than that.  Discovering other blogs similar to mine, men in similar situations, sharing thoughts with others, knowing other people all round the world are reading my posts (and me reading theirs) - it's all been fun and I'm enjoying it.  I don't want it to become a chore and if that happens I guess I'll stop - but in the meantime...

It's been a strange week.  On the whole it's been a good week.  The feedback my wife has received from her meeting has been very positive.  We are hoping for an official answer some time next week.  Obviously, I'm hoping for a positive outcome simply because of the difference it will make to our lives.  With regard to my request for promotion - so far nothing has happened.  The position hasn't been officially advertised yet and it's apparently going to be a few months before it will be, but I'm not too confident that the job will be mine.  I just need to sit tight and wait and see.  I'm still looking for a new job - outside my company - but since I already have a job I can afford to be picky until something worthwhile comes alone.  Like with everything else in life, it's just a matter of patience and perseverance and hopefully the outcome is always positive.

Was working yesterday with Flirty office guy again.  There was a lot of arm touching and I'm sure he tried several times to find the right opportunity to put his head on my shoulder.  At the same time as his regular overtly gay sexual innuendos he also makes a point of saying how much he is attracted to Cheryl Cole but surely it's just diversion tactics.  Who knows?  I also think she's attractive (until she opens her mouth!).  I just find myself getting more and more confused with him.  Again, patience and perseverance.

Moving Along

Things are very quiet at the moment.   I'm sure it happens to everyone but my blogging was become a little erratic lately.  I'm not sure if that's a sign that my life is good (I tend to blog much more when I'm angry and pissed off) or just whether my life is boring.

I have actually have a lot of work at the moment - so also haven't had much time to sit down and concentrate on what I'm going to write about.

I know there are some people who sit down and plan what they are going to write before blogging.  I'm more of a putting pen to paper (or fingertips to keyboard) writer and just write and think at the same time.

Flirty office guy is still looking good - keep thinking a lot about him putting his head on my shoulder and then my head on his head.  It would be a lot of fun doing that in bed with him!!!  Things at home are going OK.  My wife has an important meeting today which may hopefully lead to some good things - we really need it! 

I still haven't heard anything about the job I asked for.  I'm feeling the chances of me getting it are very, VERY slim - but who knows.  In the meantime I'm looking around for something else - but I'm not prepared to leave where I am now unless it's for something very worthwhile!

Thanks again to all those who read and reply to my posts.  I know I tend to ramble about nothing sometimes (today!!!) but I think about blogging all the time and thoughts are definitely what count.

Flirty Office Guy

I have spent a large part of today working with Flirty office guy and the sexual tension between us is palpable.  There is just so much homo-eroticism between us it's crazy.  He was sitting at my desk and we were sitting very closely.  I even "bumped into him" in the toilets and stood next to him at the urinal - I tried desperately to sneak a peek - but couldn't see anything. 

There is another guy in the company, also married and super-duper intelligent who for some unknown reason I have always suspected him of showing an interest in his own sex walked past my office and said how "cute" we looked working together.  We were not in my room alone so there was definitely nothing "funny" going on between us at the time.  Maybe it's something that only certain people can see.

The Evidence: 

• At a couple of points during the day while we were working together - he said he was tired and put his head on my shoulder (one of the times he did that, I put my head on his too ahhhhh!).
• He was really happy with the work I was doing for him and jokingly he said "You're doing it so good, I could kiss you!"
• Since we were both working on the same keyboard, there was lots of arm touching going on between us.
• There was also the usual array of mentions of cock-sucking, cocks, dicks and blow jobs!

Still it could be all good humoured "schoolboy" fun.  I really don't know.  Perhaps I'm reading too much into someone just feeling very comfortable around me.  Maybe I am looking and trying to find things that don't exist.

I know I've blogged about this before and I'm sure everyone is pretty sick of hearing about it.  I have visions of anyone who actually reads the blog, rolling his eyes and saying to himself "just grab his cock and get the first move out of the way!" 

I am definitely finding myself more attracted to him.  He's shorter than me, slim, bald head, wears glasses and very fair skin.  He has delicately blond-haired arms.  He works out quite a bit and I'm sure under his clothes has a very attractive body.  I noticed he touches himself quite a lot (perhaps a sign of a big cock?) and his behind always looks very cute in his jeans!

On to other business, the diet is still going well.  I'm a bit worried that I'm starting to smoke too much.  Since I was ill I had stopped smoking altogether and a few months ago was feeling really pissed off one day and had 1 cigarette.  Then another a few weeks later.  Then another the same week.  I'm still at the stage where I'm asking someone else for cigarettes and not buying them.  I'm finding myself thinking about cigarettes more and more.  But the need to smoke is slowly creeping back.  I must be strong!!!  I still seem to have the food pretty much under control and as things have calmed down back to a more normal level at home, I'm also feeling a little bit calmer.

My wife and I didn't talk for about a week and a half, so it's weird now that we are catching up all the things we had been dying to tell each other since our initial argument.  In a weird sort of way I'm sure we are destined to be together forever.  Like with Flirty office guy - some things need to be taken slowly sometimes with a good outcome and sometimes not - but one thing is for sure, we just have to sit back and enjoy the ride and deal with whatever comes our way. 

Excitement

I'm feeling very positive today.  Woke up this morning early and did what I have to do so that I could go for a walk before going to the dietitian.  Had been thinking a lot about it and was determined to make one last effort before the big weigh-in.  I actually enjoy walking, putting some music on and just walking and walking.  It's just the initial getting dressed and getting outside.  Once I'm outside I enjoy the chance to some time to myself. I guess I walked in an hour about 4-5 kilometers which is pretty good (perhaps a bit more).  Came back feeling really good.

I arrived at the dietitian's office early and waited until she called me.  She's is a very happy, bubbly person and we talked about some other issues and then I got on the scales.   I had already made sure I was wearing light clothes and removed everything from my pockets - keys, phone, wallet.   It's one of those old-fashioned scales where she slides the weight along a metal pole (not too sure how to describe it).  I watched her sliding the weight along and was super-surprised to see I'd lost 5 kilos!!!  I was so happy - I had worked hard (although I could have worked harder maybe) but it was definitely a result!

Because of other things going on, I sat and chatted with her for about 30 minutes.  It was quite amazing how well she could understand the mind of a person with an eating disorder (not me) and she was just so helpful and willing to do whatever she could.  She even realised how much I needed the talk myself and I'm not sure how I'm going to go about it offering it, but she gave me advice that I need to offer to someone else.  Her desire to help was just incredible.

So it was a mega-incentive for me to carry on with the diet and work harder to achieve better results for my next visit in a month's time.  The dietitian told me that I don't really need her, but I explained that I need to know that even if it's only once a month, that I'm under some kind of supervision so I will continue to work hard and get to a more healthy weight.  I think without the supervision I will get bored and give up.

On an even lighter note - spent some time today working with Flirty office guy.  He's quite fit and goes rowing a lot in the sea.  He told me how the last time he rowed - it was very cold and when he got out of the water his balls had shrunk to almost invisible.  There was also a lot of sexual innuendo coming from him.  We were working in a room full of people so I'm not sure if he's just joking because if he wasn't, there was no way either of us could have actually done anything - even if we'd had the courage to do something.

This has definitely given me a good start to the weekend.

Success or Fail?

Tomorrow will be exactly three weeks since my ...and I'm Feeling Good post.  For those of you who don't have the time or paitence to read it, in brief, it'll be three weeks since I first went to see the dietitian about losing weight.  Her advice was pretty sensible and although it took me a while to get into the swing of changing my eating habits - both in terms of what I eat and how much I eat - I think I'm doing pretty good.  Tomorrow I will be weighed to find out if it's helping.  She had said that she would have liked me to lose around 1.5 - 2 kilos.  I'm hoping that it will be more. 

So I'm doing OK with the food but not doing nearly enough exercise.  I guess it's a mixture of laziness, tiredness and winter.  But I have been out for some power walks - but definitely need to be doing it around 3 - 4 times a week - which I'm not doing.

I'm really hoping I have reached, if not, exceeded the dietitian's expectations.  It will give me a boost that I desperately need at the moment.  Summer is looming and we spend a lot of time at the swimming pool or beach and although I know I won't be perfect, I would definitely like to feel a little better about myself.

Things are slowly thawing at home.  It's going to be a long process - we have never gone so long with being mad at each other, but being the eternal optimist that I am - things can only get better (they certainly can't be any worse).

Earlier today at work Flirty office guy came into my office (the people I share a room with are away) and he asks if I want to come with him to take a pee?  Not too sure how to react, I said sure but only if I can hold yours!  Then he went off by himself.  What the hell am I supposed to make of a question like that?  Just a joke?  Something more?

Compared to a couple of weeks ago, my levels or horniness are pretty low at the moment - I think it's because of the mood I've been in - but I've no doubt it will pick up soon.  Especially if there are good results tomorrow I'll want to celebrate.  I just hope the diet and the relatively hard work I'm doing is a success and not a failure.

Wish me luck!

Don't Misunderstand

I'm often under the misunderstanding that my posts need to be long, rambling literary works.  I guess like most people there are days which are just very quiet and I have very little to say.  That doesn't mean that I'm neglecting the blog or giving up, but I have decided it's better some days not to write anything than to write shite.

The last couple of days have been just like that.  I've not been in a very good mood and I'm pretty down.  Although I put on a great face.  Following the big argument with my wife last week - we're still not speaking and basically because of lots of other things around - I can't even be bothered to make up with her.  My constant thinking about my situation (don't get me wrong - I'm not looking for sympathy) has left me drained and without any kind of desire to do anything else. 

A good friend told me that not resolving arguments leaves you full of resentment - and he's absolutely right.  But that's what has happened and how much resentment can one person take before it boils over to something more?  I don't know.  But I definitely feel I'm getting to the point where I stop caring.  It's a horrible situation to be in.

I guess things will resolve themselves one way or the other.  But that's why my blog posts have been a bit patchy recently.  But I'm still enjoying having this outlet to vent and rant.  I hope I sometimes make you smile too.

Thanks all for listening and even commenting.

Working Fun

Well Thursday was very interesting.  If I wasn't confused before about Flirty office guy - I am now!!  He needed my help with something he was doing and I was only too happy to help!

He sat at my desk and there was quite a bit of "leg touching" - his leg touching my leg - even to the point that we joked about it.  There was lots of "gay talk" and lots of joking - him telling me to suck his cock - me offering to do it.  But still things got weirder.  After about working for a while  I had to go to the toilet to pee.  Expecting him to say sure, I'll wait here, he says OK, me too, I'll come with you.

So there we are standing next to each other at the urinals (unfortunately there's a partition between them) we continue talking.  It made me very horny to know that he was standing a few centimeters from me holding his dick.  I finished first and as I walked behind him, I tried desperate to sneak a look - but in those few milliseconds of opportunity, I didn't get the angles and trajectories right and didn't see anything - and trust me - I tried hard!

We carried on working and finished what we had to do.  Maybe from the nerves or excitement I needed to pee again after about half-an-hour.  Just as I'm finishing Flirty office guy comes in to the toilet again.  This time as I finish I stand behind him and rock him from side to side as a joke - as if to make him pee on the wall.  He just laughed.  Then while I washed my hands we continued talking.  I asked him if he needs a hand.  He says sure you can help me hold it ... I thought what the hell and started to walk towards him with my hand held out.  He laughed again and said "oh my god, fuck off"  or something similar.

The whole thing was very weird.  Again, maybe coincidence - maybe not. 

Other than that, things are quiet.  I still believe women are mad though.  Had a quiet weekend on my own as my wife went to visit her mother and I was home alone.  I didn't have the energy to "enjoy" myself as it was cold and rainy.  Maybe men are mad too.