I Don't Understand it Either!!!

Back into the Routine

2010-09-14T11:33:00.000-07:00

I know it's been way too long since I last posted anything. The last few weeks everything has just been pretty crazy. At last the school holidays are over and I'm getting back into the routine of the running around again. I mentioned in the last post that I kinda missed the running around - but once I've got back to doing it a couple of times - I remembered how fucking difficult and tiring it really is.

After being off work for almost the whole of August I'm getting back into the routine again of the late nights at work.

I guess I'm definitely a creature of routine. I like knowing what I'm doing, when I'm supposed to be doing it and when I'll be doing it again. As a result of not being in a routine, for the whole of August my diet went up shit creek and was definitely without a paddle. I was at the dietitian last week and I'd put on just over ½ kilo which was a bit disappointing, especially since over the last few months I'd really been making an effort, but on the brighter side it was much less than I thought I'd put on.

Being penniless is still a nightmare too. August and being at home with my daughter made me realise that it's almost impossible to leave your house without it costing you money. Even if it's just to buy a McDonald's lunch or a drink or wherever, it's gonna cost you money. But at least we're through it now and it particularly pisses me off when we need to buy things that are "essential". For example, our television finally died today, it had been slowly dying and this morning it seemed to take it's last breath. It was a good TV and served us well and I guess now we're gonna enter the LCD era. Fuck knows how we're gonna pay for that. In addition, the running around is finally getting on top of me and we need to buy a second car too.

I would be interested to hear if my way of thinking is correct but I have reached the conclusion that although we are both working we don't seem to have any money spare for such luxuries we just need to go for it. We have been putting off and off the fact that we need to buy things and my conclusion is "fuck it!!" We don't have the money now and in another year we still won't have the money, so I say - just get into more debt, but at least have something to show for the debt! Do you agree with me?

Only time will tell what happens!

Just wanted to get you all up-to-date on what's been happening. I promise to get more regular again with my blogging.

Hope you all had a great summer.

Back Soon

2010-09-02T08:15:00.000-07:00

Once again, I didn't want anyone to think that I have abandoned the blog. The school holidays are now over and I'm slowly getting back into my old/regular routine but haven't had time to completely catch up here.

Things in general have been pretty quiet, sexually - things have been less than pretty quiet - bordering on dead!

Will bring myself back up to speed real soon.

I haven't forgotten you all and would still love to receive more pictures, problems, questions, emails or comments.

Feel free to email me at idontunderstanditeither@hotmail.com thanks and back soon!!!

Agony Uncle Answers

2010-08-18T04:13:00.000-07:00

Following my request a few posts ago for any problems that you readers might need answering I received a mail from Mr Sammy Bear regarding preparations before anal.

He wrote:

Hi there -- I've just started getting into anal sex and to prepare for my return to Chicago to my boyfriend I went out and bought an 8-1/2 5 dildo that I've been stuffin up my ass.

The question is about cleanliness. I haven't found a definite answer ..... one night I douched 5 times and yet when I finished plunging the dildo into my ass it still had watery shit on it ..... I've not tried any more then 5 times. I want to be clean. So clean -- that when someone fucks me and I do down to his dick to clean it off I'm okay, safe and not grossed out. Please do help me. I'll be back in Chicago end of October and want to make sure I have this down.

Thank you. Love reading your blog. Nicely written and always interesting.

Firstly, thank you very much for your question. I apologise for not answering sooner. Unfortunately, as I've mentioned a few times in my blog my experience of receiving cock is somewhat limited. But in my experience I would suggest the best thing to do is an enema. I'm not sure if that's what you mean by "douching". The simplest way to do it is to remove the showerhead and gently insert the tip of the shower pipe inside your arse. Make sure that you turn the force of the water down so that it's not too strong. I also recommend using warm water - nothing too hot or too cold.

If you have inserted it properly you should feel a heavy feeling as you "fill up" with water. After a few seconds, remove the hose and your body will begin to expel the water with any waste that may be lurking inside. You could repeat that a couple of times. You should remain in the shower for a while afterwards to make sure all the water has left your body.

Other than using plenty of soap and making sure that you are as clean as possible there, there's not much else I can think of. If any readers have other and better solutions, I'd be happy to hear them.

On a more practical note, if you know when you are likely to be meeting, I guess you could change your diet a few days before to ensure that your body is in good order before you meet. Your dildo definitely sounds big and the possibility of "remnants" being found on it or whatever else is put inside you is basically an occupational hazard. I don't think it's possible to guarantee 100% cleanliness during this kind of act.

I think the most important thing is that as long as you feel clean and relaxed while being fucked, you should be OK.

Good luck and have fun.

Please remember any questions you may have can be sent to idontunderstanditeither@hotmail.com.

Back to Reality

2010-08-16T07:21:00.000-07:00

Well it's been a great week off from work. I really enjoyed it had a great time with my daughter going to the swimming pool, shows etc... Will probably be off most of next week too so I apologise for the gaps in my blog. Things are pretty good at the moment and I'm actually quite happy (makes a change).

The last time I worked late at work before my holiday, I had a pleasant encounter. I was sitting in the office, horny as fuck so I texted the divorced guy I'd been to a couple of times with the words "I'm horny". Wasn't really expecting a reply and nothing came. About an hour later my phone buzzed. It just said "I'm with my boyfriend, want a 3some?".

I knew he had a boyfriend and I also knew that he didn't want his boyfriend knowing that we had met. His boyfriend is married and out to his wife and she has even met her husband's boyfriend.

I immediately sent a text back saying "Yes" and he replied "we've never met!" I knew what that meant. Within 10 minutes I was ringing on the doorbell and being taken inside. We said hello and made some small talk and about a minute later the boyfriend emerged. He was about my age, my height and build - with longish floppy hair. We all spoke for a couple of minutes before heading toward the bedroom. The guy I'd met before (we'll call him The Banker) was already in his boxers. The boyfriend was wearing long shorts and a red t-shirt. The three of us began to undress. We chatted for a couple of minutes and the boyfriend told me that he is more passive and The Banker is a switch although more of a top and I stated that I am too and swing more to being a top too.

It was a warm evening and the curtain at the window was blowing in the light breeze. The Banker was naked and lay on the bed. Although I felt very comfortable with them both, the whole situation was a little awkward. I was the next to get naked and got on the bed. The boyfriend stayed in his red briefs as he too lay down on the bed.

The Banker and his boyfriend began to kiss as I ran my hands up and down their legs. Still not too sure where to be touching and what to be doing (besides the obvious). They began kissing each other and I somehow joined them, all three of us kissing each other quite passionately. Together with The Banker we slowly pulled down the boyfriends briefs. It seemed there were hands and legs and tongues all over the place. It felt good and I was very relaxed. We all seemed to be sucking each other, touching, stroking, rubbing. The Banker's cock was hard and was being sucked by the boyfriend. I joined him and we both sucked and licked his cocked. I was rock hard too.

The Banker lay on his back and his boyfriend sat on his cock, I watched his face as The Banker's cock slid inside of him. He began rocking back and forth and I could see the pleasure on his face. I stood up on the bed and the boyfriend took my cock in his mouth - sucking me while being fucked, it was a great feeling and he was a legendary cock sucker.

Every now and again The Banker would wink at me or smile - to show me that he was enjoying himself. I was enjoying myself too.

Slowly the boyfriend took himself off the cock that had just fucked him and I stood behind him as he began sucking on it. I began to gently finger his arse. There was a lot of groaning from all of us. It was now getting hot with all three of us sweating. I sat for a few seconds just watching - I was getting so much pleasure just sitting and enjoying the feeling of being so close to two guys - watching them suck and fuck. The boyfriend then turned his attentions once again to my cock and he began sucking me while me and The Banker kissed passionately. I was having a good time.

Once the initial shyness of us all had passed, we all seemed to know what we were doing and where we should be touching etc...it all seemed to fit together so nicely. Without a word the boyfriend was once again riding The Bankers cock. The Banker was rubbing his boyfriends cock while fucking him - I was alternating between kissing the boyfriend and kissing The Banker. I could hear the boyfriend's breathing getting deeper, he was panting.

He then let out a deep sigh and moaned "I'm cumming". As I watched his cock shoot ropes of cum over The Banker's stomach and chest I was rubbing my cock and started to cum too. The boyfriend then began working on The Banker's cock and within less than a minute he too was shooting his cum over himself. All three of us dropped on the bed together - hot, sweating and exhausted. We all lay there for a couple of minutes in an almost stunned silence. The boyfriend then got up and headed to the shower. I was given a towel and joined him and was followed by The Banker - all three of us in the shower together smiling at each other.

We made our way back to the bedroom and got dressed. Chatting as though we were all friends - about our lives, families etc... The boyfriend said that he recognised me and it turns out we had met years before (I don't remember it, but from what he remembered about me - we must have met - not sure if that makes me a good person or not!!).

I said thanks to them both, I'd had a really good time and I hope we can repeat the experience again soon. I'm just not working late at the moment - so will have to postpone it until next month when things get back to a normal routine!! Roll on September!

Away

2010-08-05T10:24:00.000-07:00

Just a quickie so people don't think I've abandoned the blog.

I am away next week and it's very unlikely I'll be able to update my blog. I have a great 3some story to tell you all, so please feel free to read through the past entries and looking forward to being back to full blogging power around the 15th of August.

Thanks again to all my readers and please feel free to send me any emails to idontunderstanditeither@hotmail.com with any comments, stories, pictures, problems.

Take care and have a great week.

100,000 Hits!!

2010-08-02T04:15:00.000-07:00

I know it's been at least a week since my last post, but as usual, my very quiet life has taken a turn and become even quieter. The school holidays are now upon us so at least the running around has ceased for the next few weeks.

I haven't worked for a few days late either, drastically reducing my desire and my opportunity to be naughty. But I still have some offers!!! I don't know why, but I'm really in the mood for a threesome - even though the one I had a few years ago wasn't overly successful - I really feel like doing one again!!

Following my request in my last post about becoming a kind of agony uncle to some of my readers, I was inundated with questions from all over the globe and once I have finished going through them, I may post some with the authorisation of the writer, of course. But please feel free to continue sending in your questions, problems etc... to idontunderstanditeither@hotmail.com

I also couldn't let this pass having noticed that I have breezed past my 100,000 hits. I'm totally surprised by this, the amount of people that have taken a peek into my life. They've read stories about my life that I haven't shared with the people closest to me. There are thousands of people all over the world that know things about my life, my body, my sex life that nobody else knows. There's something very sexy in that. I think being a fan of the voyeur genre of films - there's something very sexy about knowing something intimate about somebody else. I don't know, it's just weird and kind of exciting at the same time.

Just a quick update on other things. A few posts ago I was talking about the store room guy and what may happen with him. Well, I've now had 6 bottles of Cola Zero from him. I think he's on holiday at the moment as I haven't seen him for a few days. Still totally unsure if he has sinister intentions. I think I have become a little paranoid - he saw me having a cigarette the other day and without even asking me, came over to me with a bottle of cola (he now knows I like cola). I said thanks but mentioned that I'm embarrassed to take it. He looked at me with a wry smile and said not to be shy and if I continue to be shy he'll hit me. I smiled and was unsure if there was some kind of double-entendre in there somewhere! He is VERY sexy!

Diet is going slowly but surely. Following my visit last week to the dietitian, I've now lost 12½ kilograms. It's taking longer than I'd have hoped, but the main thing is that it's going down.

Thanks to everyone again who has taken the time to read, comment and enjoy this blog. I hope it will continue for a long time to come!

I still would really love receive more comments, emails, pictures, suggestions, questions and problems that I can help with.

Thanks again to everyone for making this blog what it has evolved to be!

Back to Basics - New Initiative

2010-07-25T04:03:00.000-07:00

I suddenly felt that my last few posts were all sex related and thought I would at least have a post that went back to basics of what my original intent of blogging was about.

Life isn't too bad at the moment. The wife is still working - which is a blessing - and it all seems to be going very well.

My diet is not quite so good although tomorrow I'm going back to the dietitian for my monthly weigh-in. Although I'm still being relatively good - I've had a few bad moments - tomorrow I'll know whether I've been good enough. I'd love to have lost another 2 kilos but I am fearful that she's going to tell me that I've put weight on. I don't weigh myself at home so haven't got a clue what to expect - although I'm not very optimistic. Last time I was at the dietitian I said the same to her and I'd still lost weight and she very correctly said that it was my conscience speaking!!! I'm still going out walking (although only once a week and it's a lot more walking than running - but I'm doing my best to keep it up).

The running around that I do everyday is still going on but with the month of August rapidly approaching and no school - I'm hoping that I'll have an easier month. I'm also planning to take some time off work for child-minding reasons so I'm not too sure how much time I'll have to blog - but that doesn't mean I won't be doing what I can to keep updated with some really great blogs as well as writing my own.

I don't know whether it will be a success, but to add some interest to my blog I've decided to try something new. If any of my readers (according to my stat counter I'm almost at 100,000 hits - so I guess someone is reading the blog) have any problems or something that they'd like to discuss openly - I'd like to act as a kind of Agony Uncle/Counsellor. Therefore, if anyone has any issues, problems, difficulties or the like that they would be happy to share with me and my blog readers (anonymously of course) please send me an email to idontunderstanditeither@hotmail.com and I will do my best to answer and advise.

I know that I have hits on my blog from an incredibly wide range of people from all over the world so I'm sure that there are plenty of people that have issues and problems that I could help with.

Looking forward to hearing from you and have a great week!

Getting Good

2010-07-18T01:01:00.000-07:00

He gave me the code to open the lobby door and told me to "come straight in, get undressed and come to his bedroom" and he would be waiting for me in bed. I'd heard stories of this happening but had never done anything like it myself.

I knew where I was going, I'd been at his house just a few days earlier. We'd chatted and we'd both said how much we had enjoyed ourselves and planned to do it again that night.

I entered the lobby and made my way up to his flat. Should I ring the doorbell or just go in. I tried the handle and the door was open and went inside. The whole flat was dark but the television was on. I looked around and could see nobody. I looked down the corridor to where I remember his bedroom was and there was complete darkness. I put down my bag and began to undress. I was down to my underwear - I went for it. Removed my shorts and walked naked down the corridor towards his bedroom.

The room was dark but the open window above the bed was letting in some light from the lamposts, despite being several floors up. The curtain at the window was blowing from the night breeze coming in through the window.

I could see his outline as he lay on the bed naked and already playing with his cock. I approached the bed and lay on top of him and he lifted his head and we began to kiss. I don't know what it was about this guy - but I felt comfortable with him. We were both very receptive to each other and I enjoyed the touch of his body. We hugged as we kissed our bare chests rubbing against each other. It felt good.

I worked my way down his body licking his nipples and sliding myself down before taking his cock in my mouth and sliding it deep inside my mouth sucking on it. He responded by lifting his lower back and gently fucking my mouth. I worked my tongue down his balls and he began to lift his legs and I began to eat his hole - he responded by opening his cheeks so I could get my tongue right inside. His body smelled of soap. I was really enjoying myself.

I worked my way back up his body using my tongue and he lifted his legs - without any difficulty my dick slipped inside him and I kept it inside him. I leaned over him and we kissed some more - hard, passionate kissing. He whispered "fuck me hard" as I began sliding my cock in and out of him, hard! His body shaking each time I banged my cock deep inside him. I didn't want to cum yet and pulled out of him, and laying down on the bed next to him. We kissed some more. He rolled himself on top of me before going down on my cock with his warm, wet mouth. He enjoyed sucking my cock - it was so rock hard and throbbing and felt so good in his mouth. He climbed on top of me - sitting on my cock - and I could feel it sliding inside of him.

He began to rock back and forwards on my cock - the sensation was amazing. I wasn't sure how long I could hold it for. While he rocked back and forwards on my cock he began to wank his own cock. Both of us were on the edge now and very close to cumming.

As he rocked back and forward on my cock he announced "I'm cumming" and I could feel him shoot his load over my chest - his hot, thick spunk landing near me. I began to rub his cock, his cum on my hands - I licked my hands and could feel his cum in my mouth. With my cock still inside him I pulled his head towards mine and kissed him - transferring his cum from my mouth to his. He pulled himself off my cock and I began to wank - his face right next to my cock. Within a few seconds, I was shooting over him and me. The release was intense and it felt so good. We lay next to each other - both of us unable to move.

We laid on the bed together - naked - touching each other, chatting about all kinds of stuff but it was getting late so I told him I had to get dressed and get going. I felt like I could have sat with him for ages.

I hope we can do it again soon.

Strike 2

2010-07-13T00:29:00.000-07:00

I was having a quiet, late and horny evening in the office the other night. Most people had gone home early for the World Cup final - but it didn't really interest me. I'm sure when people say they're not interested in the world cup somewhere a little fairy dies.

I was bored and a little horny and decided to have a look at what was happening in the chat room. I began chatting to a guy who seemed nice enough. He was local and divorced and said he was 48 years old. Unfortunately, technical problems at my end meant that I kept losing my internet connection and I got cut off from the chat during our conversation. I considered it a lost cause when a message popped up on my computer that the connection had been restored so I re-entered the chat room.

I found the guy again and we continued talking. By now, it was quite late so I expedited the process and asked him if he was interested. He said he was and sent me his address. It was only a five minute drive away and I decided to give it a try.

I found his house easily and rang on the doorbell and he let me in. The initial nervousness was there (as always). He was shorter than me, bald and wearing glasses. He was no male model - but I'd seen worse. He immediately came close to me and began rubbing my cock through my jeans. He was wearing just a T-shirt and shorts and I reciprocated. He looked up at me and asked if I'd be more comfortable in the bedroom. Sure, why not?

He led me along a long corridor to his bedroom. We stood face to face and put our arms around each other, feeling each other, rubbing and kissing. Before long we were both naked and he lay down on the bed. I lay down next to him before positioning myself between his legs and taking his cock between my lips. It wasn't a big cock but it was attractive and he was very noisy - always a sign that he's enjoying my good work.

He then told me to lay on my back and he went down on me and he did a fantastic job. While he was on top of me I began to fuck his mouth and he took my hard cock deep inside his mouth. This continued for a good few minutes. I really wanted to fuck him, but we didn't have any condoms, so I had him on all 4s and finger-fucked him while rubbing his cock with my other hand. I then put him on his back and rubbed my cock on his hole while leaning forward and we kissed some more. He put his legs on my shoulders and the rubbing sensation on his hole and my cock brought us very close to climax.

I pulled back a little and watched him as he began to wank his cock, I knew he was close and within a few seconds he told me he was about to cum. At the same time I began to wank too. Almost simultaneously we both came - both of us shooting over his stomach long sticky ropes of cum. I fell on top of him and we kissed some more. Both of us breathlessly saying "wow, that was great".

While he went off to get showered I started to get dressed. He slipped his shorts and shirt back on as I told him it was great and would love to do it again. We exchanged numbers and said we'd be in touch.

I'm looking forward to it.

Nothing New

2010-07-08T03:33:00.000-07:00

It's been a week since my last post and I didn't want people to think that I was abandoning my blog or anything of the sort. I'm still really pleased to see that slowly, but surely, the number of followers and hits to my blog is rising. It's still give me a buzz to know that people are visiting and reading what I'm writing.

On a plus note, this week I received my first "fan mail" from one of my blog readers. I am pleased to attach here his photograph (I was given permission to post it) showing his excitement and gratitude for my blog. I would be so happy to receive from others - any emails, pictures or other things that you'd like to send me. I promise to reply to each and every one.

I haven't really seen the sexy storeroom guy lately, I think he's around but I guess I haven't had much luck synchronising our times and meeting him and if I have seen him, he's not been alone - but I have no intentions of giving up on that one - not at least until I get a slap hahaha!

The quick and anonymous shag I had last week has left me feeling quite satisfied and although I've spent a minimal amount of time searching for another, nothing has happened. I kinda know that the chances of me topping that one will be pretty slim - from past experience - so I've not had much luck in that department although I'm still pretty horny all the time and have been using the memories from last week for quite a lot of masturbation. I'm not sure what's wrong with me at the moment but I'm on about twice a day. But as a good friend told me once, at least wanking is having sex with someone who loves you!

I decided that I liked the "haircut" I gave myself a few weeks ago and decided this morning to renew the style. I'd love to know who else shaves completely, trims or leaves it natural. Again, please feel free to send me your pictures and if you'd like I will post them here for the world (almost) to see.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. Thanks for reading and looking forward to reading and receiving your comments.

My email is idontunderstanditeither@hotmail.com

Easy

2010-06-30T04:12:00.000-07:00

It was another late night in the office and I was lurking in a chat site. I began chatting with another married guy, everything was going very well, we exchanged messenger contact details and carried on chatting. Suddenly, another message pops up on the screen. A 40 year old guy near to my office. We began with the usual "Hi" and "Hi". The conversation progressed very quickly. He divorced, with his on place and was looking to suck a guy off. Without any hesitation he sent me his address and simply wrote "cover over if you want."

I was horny and ready to go home. I checked out where he lived and it was literally a 10 minute drive from where I was and it was more or less on my way home. I had told him I was just looking for a "quickie" and he seemed perfectly happy with that.

I was suddenly wracked with nerves. Why had he given me his address so easily? Normally on the chat to get someone to send you a number takes forever, if at all. Without any exchange of telephone numbers or pictures or anything else he had freely given me his address. What if it was a wind-up? Maybe he wanted me to turn up at someone's address at 2330 at night to piss them off? I was torn whether to ignore it or turn up.

I drove to the address and found the building and pressed the intercom. I said his name and he asked if I was downstairs. I said yes and he buzzed me in and told me to come to the 3rd floor. As the lift doors opened he was standing by the open door to his flat. He was wearing a pair of shorts and flip-flops, no shirt. He was pretty much as he had described himself - tall, thin and almost completely smooth. He lead me inside and he was just watching the end of a football match on his huge flat screen TV, other than a computer, the flat was very sparsely furnished. He offered me a drink and I followed him into the kitchen as he poured me a cup of cold water. We chatted for a couple of minutes and he told me he was recently divorced and was more interested in women, but every now and again he likes a change and meets men.

Once we finished our drinks he turned off the TV and took me to the bedroom saying "we'll be more comfortable here!". I stood in front of him and we began touching each other. He immediately pulled down his shorts. He was wearing small, beige briefs which I slid down his thin legs. He was now standing in front of me fully naked. We began touching each other as I unbuttoned my shirt. He got down on his knees and opened my jeans and pulled them down together with my shorts and immediately began sucking on my dick, paying special attention to licking and sucking my balls too. I could feel myself getting harder inside his mouth and could tell from the noises he was making that he seemed to be enjoying himself. I grabbed the back of his head and pushed him down further on my now rock hard cock - he didn't resist.

He pulled off my dick and looked at me and said "tell me when you're going to cum", but I wasn't ready yet. I asked him what else he likes doing and he told me that he likes to be fucked but doesn't have any vaseline. I smiled and told him not to worry about the vaseline and told him to get a condom. He obediently went off to a cupboard and pulled out a condom which he opened in preparation while I undressed. He sat back down on the edge of the bed, resting the condom on his leg while he went back to sucking my dick - getting me even harder. I told him to put the condom on me, which he did.

I told him to show me his arse. He turned around his feet on the floor holding himself on the bed with his elbows as he presented his smooth, white arse to me. I began to slide my hands between his cheeks, stopping and playing with his hole. Using my spit as lube I slid a finger deep inside him. He gasped, but took it in. I began to finger fuck him first with one, then two fingers. When I felt he was ready, I positioned myself behind him and began to press my cock on his hole. Slowly, I pushed myself inside him and was almost three-quarters inside him when he said it hurt so I began to pull out of him. Then again, I started sliding myself back inside, this time taking it slower and getting right inside him. I was in and it felt good. His warm, soft, tight arse around my throbbing cock. I hadn't fucked someone in a long time like this and it felt great.

I got into a rhythm pulling almost right out, and then sliding back inside. Almost every thrust was accompanied with a "yeah, yeah, yeah" from him. I could tell he was enjoying it. In addition to me fucking him while my cock was deep inside I played with his cock too as well as some spanking which seemed to turn him on even more.

I continued fucking him and I could tell he was enjoying it too. I pulled out and told him to roll onto his back. I climbed onto the bed and spread his legs to get between them and immediately slid my cock back inside him, putting his legs on my shoulders. By this time he was really open and I was fucking him hard - each thrust again accompanied with a "wow" or a "yeah". I began to fuck him harder and faster and he was a willing partner and let me get in as deep as I could. I could feel his big balls on mine as I went deeper inside.

I could have carried on like this for a while but the clock by the side of his bed showed it was getting later and later and I knew it was time to leave. I fucked him harder and he raised his head and says to me "I want you to cum in my mouth!" I continued fucking him for another couple of minutes but could feel me getting close. I pulled out of him and lay down on the bed on my back. He climbed on top of me, removed the condom and took my cock in his mouth. I began to fuck his mouth harder, again pushing his head down on to my cock. I knew I was close and my breathing became faster and heavier. Pushing him down one more time, I felt a huge release as string after string of cum shot into his hot, wet mouth.

He swallowed every drop and even continued to suck me once my cock was too sensitive and every touch from his tongue sent my body into spasm. He pulled off me and fell down on to the bed next to me.

He commented how much cum came out of me, I told him I was always like that (which is true). I told him that I hope I hadn't hurt him. He said it hurt a little, but that it's all part of the fun of being fucked. Sounds good to me!!!

We lay on the bed together, both of us naked for another couple of minutes for us both to get our breath back. Then told him that I need to leave. I got dressed as he gave me directions how to get out of where he lived. I went downstairs, got in the car and left with a happy memory.

I asked him if he'd like to exchange mails or something, but he said he does this so very rarely it wouldn't be worth it. I will look for him again on the chat. I'd love to fuck him again. It was the best and easiest fuck I'd had in a long, long time.

The Plot Thickens

2010-06-24T02:14:00.000-07:00

Things are pretty much the same with me. I was at the dietitian this week and rather surprisingly I have lost more weight. So I have now officially lost 12 kilos (~ 2 stone) which is excellent. Although just before I stood on the scales in her office I said I wasn't very optimistic and then to find I'd lost more weight she pointed out (very correctly) that it must be my conscience talking - that is very true. Although I am still being careful with what I'm eating - I have been far from perfect, but I've obviously been better than I thought I had been!!!

In a post a couple of weeks ago Staring Dilema I mentioned the guy who had been staring at me (and me at him, of course). Well I went downstairs earlier today, near to his store-room/office. He was standing by the door. He was dressed in a tight, white t-shirt and dark blue jeans - and looking pretty good! We said hello to each other and asked the usual pleasantries as I lit my cigarette (yes, I'm back on the weed - but it's kinda under control). I'm still sure I wasn't imagining it but felt his eyes looking at me up and down as we chatted. His store-room is like an Aladdin's cave of groceries for the company he works for - filled with all kinds of soft drinks, teas, coffees, yogurts etc... He offered me a drink and I initially refused. He insisted so I took me a bottle of Cola Zero.

I jokingly told him that life couldn't be better with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of coke in the other! He laughed in agreement and then added .... unless Julia Roberts or Angelina Jolie were standing with us in just their underwear. Is he genuinely straight or was he perhaps testing the ground to see how I would respond? I was very tempted to say that I don't really care for Angelina Jolie - but if her husband was walking past in just his underwear then it would be an entirely different story!!!

I would be very interested to hear from you all to find out how you would have reacted to the situation, what should I have said or done?

I changed the subject by telling him that he has the best room in the entire building - he's got all the supplies, he can close the door and nobody can hear or see what he's doing. Hoping he would invite me inside, lock the door and strip naked for me, alas, he didn't! But he did agree that he has the best room in the building!

I am so crap with these situations. I never know how to progress to more interesting situations. Will it just be a new fantasy because I'm reading too much into the situation or do I need to give clearer signals that I want his body???

As I finished the cigarette, we ended up going up in the lift together standing opposite each other, he got out before me and gave me a friendly wink and wished me a good day! Should I have stood closer to him in the lift?

Your help would be gratefully appreciated.

Happy Birthday

2010-06-18T05:02:00.000-07:00

Well actually my birthday is this weekend and I'm going to be 38. I guess I'm getting very old. So I am going to let you all know me a little better and will try to write 38 things about me!

My first gay sex was at age 17
I don't really care for ice cream
I like the volume of the radio in my car to be on a number that is divisible by 5 (i'm a bit OCD about some things)
I hate wasting food
I love taking things that are free
Of all the sex I've had over the years - seriously memorable fucks can be counted probably on 1 hand
I believe it's possible to fall in love and have a relationship with a man while still being married to a woman
I prefer to be a top with guys and even to the point of domination
I don't mind being fucked - but it happens very, very rarely
I prefer regular Diet Coke over all other colas and pepsis
I'm a compulsive over-eater but those who follow my blog know that I'm trying to control that now
I love porn and my favourite is gay amateur - but depending on my mood will sometimes look at MMF porn - straight porn does nothing for me
I would love to have more comments, feedback and emails from my blog
I spend way too much time looking for gay sex, but actually find very, very little, if any
Working in the office at night makes me horny
I don't drink coffee, but have recently started drinking Earl Grey tea once in a while
I gave up smoking for 1½ years and I'm pretty much back to smoking too much again
I survived cancer
If I could, I think I would enjoy having sex everyday
I am blessed with having someone amazing people in my life
I love watching reality TV and soap operas
I think I give the impression of being much cleverer than I actually am
I hate being hairy and I wax my back and shoulders
I love hairy guys
I wish I had a much bigger cock
I would love to be wealthy
If I had to choose between a gorgeous hunk and have crap sex or a regular guy for great sex - I'd choose the regular guy - hunks don't do much for me
I'm obsessed with seeing guys in Tanga briefs, it drives me wild
When I strip a guy naked and he's wearing boxers, I'm always a little disappointed
I would love to be taller - although I'm 1.80
I would love to change my voice and the way I speak
I think my legs are my best feature
I would love to feel better about my body and wish I could be comfortable being naked around others
I have no preference to guys being short or tall or dark or light skinned
I would much rather kiss and cuddle than have penetrative sex and would love to take part in an orgy
Cruising in gay pick up areas is dangerous and stupid but I love doing it
I'm really pleased I started blogging but wish I had more time to devote to it
I want more children

Thanks for all who managed to get to the end of the list.

Thanks for reading.

Here's to another year of happiness and good health.

Last year's party pics (I wish!!!)

Staring Dilema

2010-06-15T10:36:00.000-07:00

I'm never sure if it's just my crap luck or whether I spend too much time looking for things that don't exist but I always find myself attracted to guys that leave me wondering "are they or aren't they?"

I'm sure I mentioned this guy in another post, but couldn't find it. He works for another company in the building in more of a blue collar job - in charge of their warehouse or something similar - I'm pretty sure he doesn't have an office job, as such. Anyway, a few months ago I noticed him by the lifts, he's older than me - I would assume very late 40s or early 50s. Dark skinned, short, buzzed hair, smooth arms around my height - well maintained for his age - he has a very serious look on his face at all times and a deep masculine voice (I'd heard him talking to others). I noticed him looking at me and immediately my gaydar began ringing very loud. I don't know why, but there was something in the way he looked at me that didn't seem right - as though the gaze was a couple of seconds longer than it should have been - it was almost more of a stare than a look. Naturally, I stared back!

This ping-pong looking at each other has been going on for a couple of months. I have been going downstairs to the car park - he seems to spend a lot of time in the store-room there (which makes me think that's where he works) he would look at me (while I'm having a cigarette) and I would look at him (he would also light up a cigarette when he saw me). But we never spoke, just looking at each other... until yesterday.

As I went out of the back door of the office towards the car park - he was standing by the door. Instinctively I kinda nodded at him to acknowledge him (I may be horny but I'm not rude!) and he immediately started talking to me. We began chatting about smoking and how we'd both given up many times but always come back to it. Despite his normally very serious, almost angry face, he was very smiley and we joked about things. He made it clear that he had a wife, as did I - but again, perhaps it's just me and my screwed-up head but it just didn't seem right. Not that I don't believe what he said just more that he was making it abundantly clear to me that he is married.

The conversation ended as our cigarettes burned out and we were talking about if he gives up smoking then he'll give up coffee and eating meat and the only thing he'd have left to enjoy would be staring at women. Was this to put me off the scent? Did I totally misread his stares? I'm not sure why, but I'm curiously attracted to him. I looked for him today but he wasn't around.

We shall see...naturally, you all will be the first to know if anything should develop.

Have a good one!

Routine

2010-06-09T03:48:00.000-07:00

I didn't want people to think I've stopped blogging in despair that Flirty office guy no longer works with me. It's not the case, we've spoken on the phone and on Skype. It seems no matte what we talk about it always ends up with huge sexual innuendos, which is always good. We are planning on meeting up soon one evening for a drink or something, not sure when that will happen.

Things with me are pretty much the same - still running around like a crazed person being a taxi driver - but I've got into a routine so it's not so bad. I'm still working late and still getting very horny about doing it - still not too sure why. I'm also full cycle again and horny as hell. I'm horny to the point where any guy I see no matter if he's old, young, short tall, thin or fat - he's a possible. Naturally, nothing ever comes of it - but who knows? Stranger things have happened.

I'm still dieting - I'm slowly beginning to feel quite good about myself - I can't remember if I blogged but I've now lost just over 10 kilos and I don't have another appointment with the dietitian for another 2 weeks - so hopefully I can lose some more by then. Because of my crazy schedule I don't have much time for walking-running which is a bit annoying because I really enjoyed it - but always manage at least once a week.

The wife's job seems to be going OK. She seems to be handling everything in her life pretty well - although it can be difficult. I hope it lasts - but it's looking good so far!

Just wanted to give a quick update of where I am - so any regular readers can be updated. I'd still love to receive emails, questions, pictures and comments from anyone who wants to make the effort.

Take care and thanks to all my new followers and those that regularly check out my blog!

... Has Now Left the Building

2010-06-02T11:19:00.000-07:00

Well yesterday was Flirty office guy's last day in the office. It was pretty uneventful. I'm sad he's gone - he was a good friend. I already called him today, I miss the interaction that we had between us! We are planning on meeting in the next few days to go out for a drink.

Keeping my fingers crossed we can get from picture 1 to picture 2 in the near future. What I wouldn't do for just five minutes with him.

But life goes on. A new guy started working in the office yesterday too, by coincidence, he's a hotty too - also married. But I think he might be one of those genuine straight guys - but we shall have to wait and see.

My god, I'm obsessed!!!

2010-05-31T11:15:00.000-07:00

Now that I have spent the best part of 5 months documenting my life, it seems very bloody boring a lot of the time. I read a lot of other blogs and some of the guys seem to lead such exciting lives with non-stop action and fucking all over the place and amazing stories. It makes my blog seem a little lacking. I often wish I had the freedom of movement that so many other guys seem to have in terms of working and getting out and running around during the day - my work is totally office-based so don't have the opportunity to wander around.

But on the bright side, I don't work so hard and I sit in front of the computer and spend a way-too-large part of my day looking at things which I know I shouldn't be looking at - but it fills a void to a certain extent. But being the optimistic guy that I am, I prefer to be happy with what I've got and not worry about being like other guys. Nobody says their lives are any easier or better or more fulfilling than mine.

Not so long ago I met a "fuck buddy" of mine. I have mentioned him before on my threesome post. He's the MD of a company and the most masculine man you could possibly imagine. His big and has a tough look on his face all the time, yet when he's with another guy he loves to be totally passive. There's something about that mixture that just drives me wild.

Although we've known each other for a number of years, we actually meet very rarely due to timetable conflicts. We had been exchanging emails and we planned to meet late in the evening in a quiet area surrounded by small forest. It was very dark and that only added to the fun. I parked my car and jumped into his jeep as we headed deeper into the trees. We drove for a couple of minutes and found a quiet clearing. He's probably about 6' 5" and about 130 kg - but there is something very sexy about him. He's also hairy - which is something I do like on a man!

We both got out of the jeep and I walked around to his side. I immediately stripped him naked - pulling off his white t-shirt and taking down his sweat pants - he had no underwear on. I grabbed his cock hard and squeezed it tight. He squirmed, but I knew he liked it. I ordered him to his knees and he began opening my belt and jeans. I pulled them down and he began sucking me. I began to push his head down on my already rock hard cock. I then grabbed his head and began fucking his mouth. He was gagging - but I continued.

I pulled him up and we began kissing. It was always something he was dead-set against, but I have managed to persuade him to learn to like it and albeit a little reluctantly he kissed me back. I also know that he loves have his arse played with - and I am always happy to oblige. He leaned into his car and pulled out a small plastic bag with condoms and KY inside. He handed me the KY and I began smearing it generously on his hole. I immediately began playing with his hole and then slid 1 finger inside. His whole framed jumped as it went inside as I began fucking him with my finger from behind. He had the driver's door open and was leaning over - his head on the driver's seat of the car. I now had 2 fingers inside him and was spanking him relentlessly - each time he was asking for more!

I leaned over his back and grabbed his head and pulled it back (he likes it rough) and ask him if he wants me to fuck him. He said yes and I made him say it loud and to tell me that he wants to get fucked by me. When he had told me enough I made him get a condom out and then put it on my throbbing dick.

I pushed him back over - and pushed his head down into the driver's seat and pushed my cock inside him hard and fast. He jumped again, but I know how he likes it, so I didn't stop and began pumping away at him - holding his head down spanking his arse at the same time. It felt good. I was close but wasn't ready to cum. So I pulled out of him and took the belt off my jeans. While he was still leaning over, I grabbed his arms behind his back and began whipping him with my belt. Each time the belt slapped on his buttocks I made him ask for another one (a la Animal House - please sir, may I have another!).

I went back to fucking him some more - I was so horny - I couldn't stop myself - I knew he was rock hard too. I pulled and turned him around towards me. I used my belt to tie his hands behind his back before grabbing his cock and jerking him off - he tried to release his hands but I pulled tighter on the belt around his wrists - jerking him non-stop. He was groaning with pleasure - his body almost completely under my control. I felt his cock twitch and he began shooting an enormous load on the floor by the wheel of his car - his cock was so sensitive his body jerked each time I stroked his cum-covered cock. I put him back on his knees, his hands still tied behind his back as he began to suck me off to satisfaction - I pulled out of his mouth just as I was about to shoot and let him watch my load fly into the same direction as his.

Both of us dressed and got back into the jeep as he took me back to where I'd parked my car. We shook hands and said we must do it again soon.

I guess my life isn't as boring as I think it is.

Adventures

2010-05-25T11:15:00.000-07:00

Of all the things I've done with other guys, all the people I've met and had sex with and all the different places I've done these things one of the most "exciting" places has definitely been the sauna.

I'd heard about gay saunas a lot but had never had the courage to go and visit. I had always imagined them to be very daunting, even frightening, with men wandering around menacing the other people there. I don't know where this idea came from and I later learned that I couldn't have been more wrong.

It was by chance the first time I ever went to a sauna. I was at a local cruising area in the middle of the day. An older guy began staring at me before approaching me and we began to chat. It was a very hot day and the cruising area was pretty dry. He asked me if I'd ever been to the sauna and I told him that I hadn't. He said that he was thinking of going there and would I like to join him - he even offered to pay for me to go. I wasn't too sure what to do but immediately found myself saying "yes, I'd love to". I'm never one to turn down a good adventure and he reassured me that my ideas about what goes on in the sauna were totally wrong. We headed towards his car and we chatted some more. He was a very nice guy, a lawyer. He told me in the car that we could fool around together but that I didn't need to feel obliged to be with him and that I could go and do my own thing.

He parked the car and we headed down a small alleyway off a busy road. We entered a side door of a large, old building. There was a large doctors surgery upstairs and people were walking in and out (unaware I'm sure of what goes on in the building) but we went downstairs into the basement. As we went down the second flight of stairs the entire atmosphere changed and it was much darker.

The lawyer rang a doorbell and a man suddenly appeared at a little window by a door. "Two for the sauna please". The lawyer paid the money and he was handed two freshly laundered towels and the door buzzed and we went inside. We walked straight into the locker room. I wasn't too sure what to do, but the lawyer told me to undress and put the towel on.

Some of the customers already inside heard the door buzz and several guys wrapped in just a towel appeared in the locker room and fumbled about at their locker. I undressed and waited for the lawyer to put his towel on. At the far end of the locker room was the entrance into the sauna. We walked through into a lounge area with a large screen TV showing some hard core gay porn film. A couple of guys were lounging on the sofas watching the film. Across the room was a large window looking into a large jacuzzi with about 3 guys sitting inside. Music was also playing very loudly. The lawyer motioned me through another door into the shower area. Another door from the shower area lead into the steam room. I walked inside. There were a few guys inside but it took me a while to make out what was happening in there until my eyes adjusted to the darkness and the steam.

I saw there were large steps against the wall where some guys were sitting so I went and sat down. The lawyer guy sat next to me. I felt his hand on my thigh, stroking it gently as his hand slid up my leg to my rock hard cock. The whole place was electric, you could feel the sex in the atmosphere of the place. It was very calm and I was getting very sweaty. I put my hand on his leg and felt his small, hard cock and we began stroking each other gently. I leaned into him and said I could hardly breath in here and he said I should go for a walk around and that he was staying in the steam room for a while.

I went out to explore further. Once outside the shower area, I noticed a wooden door which lead into the dry steam room. I went inside but it was empty. I sat for a minute trying to tolerate the heat, but it got too much for me. I left the room and made my way back to the lounge area - I noticed a black curtain to another room. I walked through it and realised it was the beds. There were two levels of cubicles containing mattresses. Each cubicle had its own curtain giving the occupants a certain level of privacy. I stood still and listened. I could hear couples inside the cubicles - groaning, slapping and the general sounds of people having sex.

I was still in a certain level of shock. This place was almost magical. It was full of naked men having sex or cruising for sex. There was no need to worry about being seen or getting caught. Suddenly the curtain to the cubicle area opened and the lawyer walked towards me with a smile on his face. He leaned into me and in a whisper he asked me "so, what do you think?". As he leaned in to speak, I felt him grab my cock again. I was so horny, the place, the atmosphere, the new experience had sent my horniness levels over the top. He lead me into one of the cubicles closing the curtain behind us before taking off his towel (and mine) and laying me down on the mattress.

He began to suck my cock and at the same time I leaned forward and grabbed his cock. We were both horny and both of us came pretty quickly.

I had probably only been at the sauna for about an hour, but it left a great taste and me definitely wanting more. I later discovered another sauna which was literally a five minute walk from my office. I used to visit it frequently. I found it very difficult to sit in the office and concentrate when I knew that just a few minutes away there were guys having sex and I always want to be a part of it. It was almost like an addiction on which I spent too much time and too much money.

Eventually I changed job and now almost never get the chance to go to the sauna, maybe once or twice a year. But the adventures that I've had there have generally been very good and very exciting.

Catching Up

2010-05-20T01:40:00.000-07:00

My last few posts have been somewhat sex-related and I don't think I've been dedicating nearly enough time to my blog as I should be. For anyone who is even remotely interested, a quick update of what's being going on in my life is here!

I'm a little devastated at the moment - Flirty office guy told me a couple of days ago that he is leaving the company. He has been offered a new job in a start-up company and in less than a month will no longer be working here. Does this mean I will never get to see him naked? To touch him intimately? I really don't know - but it's not looking good. I'm sure we'll still stay in touch and remain friends but it does mean there will be no more working late or together anymore. But I'm hoping for a long lingering goodbye kiss at the very least.

On a happier note, I was at the dietitian this week and I lost another 2.5 kilos. So in total, so far, I have lost just over 10 kilos which makes me very, VERY happy. (That's 1½ stone to the UK readers!!). It really hasn't been too difficult at all. Because of the crazy work hours I'm doing at the moment I'm not running nearly as much as I should be - but the fact is the weight is coming off slowly, but surely and that can only be a good thing. The dietitian and I kind of agreed that I would go for losing another 5 kilos and then we would "talk again" about whether that would be enough or whether I should continue going to see her. I really enjoy my "sessions" with her and see it as some good therapy - talking with someone who can understand a lot of what is happening with me.

I am also currently in the middle of a parental visit. My parents live overseas and haven't actually seen them (excluding Skype) for just over a year. My daughter is very excited as she really misses them. I enjoy seeing them, but they can be very hard work! They're only here for a week and so far - everything is going OK. My wife is behaving very well with them and has been very welcoming (which is quite a pleasant change). I just hope we can get through the weekend without any major mishaps and I'll be home and dry!!!

I would still love to hear from anyone to my email with comments, questions, pictures, requests. I love receiving the feedback from the people who read my blog and it definitely gives me the drive and desire to continue writing.

Have a great weekend!

50,893 - Love

2010-05-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

At the time of writing this post, my stat counter shows that 50,983 people have viewed my blog. I think that's pretty fantastic. I've had emails, comments and other communications from people who have helped make this blog into what it has become. It's definitely a process of evolution and so far I'm pretty happy with the outcome. Thank you to everyone, you the readers who have made this possible.

Now we've got the Oscar award ceremony out of the way, in my last post I promised a big post to commemorate smashing through the 50,000 visitors barrier.

I thought I'd write about the first time I fell in love with another guy. I was at a local cruising site on my way home from work. It was about 1800 in the evening. The usual walking around was going on. There wasn't much happening. I noticed one guy staring at me, I looked back at him. He wasn't beautiful but had great eyes. He was blond, well built, wearing white trousers and a black jacket.

He walked over to the park area and sat on the grass. I watched him and saw him staring at me. I walked in his direction and he smiled at me, motioning for me to join him on the grass. I sat down next to him and we began chatting. He was student nurse.

One thing led to another and before long we had wandered off into the bushes. I could already tell that he was a great lover. We were sucking each other and it was very sensual. Under his white trousers (he's was a nurse!) he was wearing tight and very sexy tanga briefs - just how I like them. We were in the middle of enjoying ourselves and there was already a definite connection between us. We heard a noise and noticed someone staring at us, we both stopped and I instinctively hugged hum both to hold him close and to "protect" him - I don't know what from. We were kissing a lot, lots of touching, sucking, feeling and lots of passion between us - something stronger and deeper than would normally happen at a cruising place.

We both came long and hard and I was expecting us to both zip up and move on, but we carried on talking and kissing even after we'd finished. We both had buses to catch (going in opposite directions) and we exchanged numbers. I knew it was the polite thing to do, but didn't expect to hear from him. I didn't have the nerve to call someone but kinda hoped he would call me.

I arrived at work the next day, still thinking about yesterday's escapade, wondering if he would call. The morning dragged and by lunchtime I realised he wouldn't call. I went off to lunch and came back and saw that I had a message on my voice mail. (I didn't have a mobile phone then and I'd given him my direct office line). Expecting it to be from my wife and listened to the message. It was from him. He said how much he'd enjoyed meeting me yesterday and said he would call back in 1 hour. I didn't move from my desk.

He called exactly on time. The conversation wasn't at all difficult and he said he was leaving university and would be in my area later - would I like to meet? Damn right I did!! He arrived just as he said. I had my car with me that day and we drove off into some orchards about a 20 minute drive from my office. We found a quiet spot, parked the car and got out. We found a small clearing and I took a blanket out of my car and we between the long grass in the open air we lay on the blanket together. We began kissing again and before long we were both naked. We didn't have sex, but did pretty much everything else! We seemed so suited together and talked for ages. His body was covered in a soft, blond fur and I couldn't stop touching and stroking him. The connection between us grew stronger each minute we were together.

I began to learn more and more about him. He was single, semi-out-of-the-closet, living at home with his parents. When I was with him I felt like I wanted to tell him everything about me and he was the same. We had not secrets between us. It was the first time I had been so open and honest with another guy about me and my life.

We would meet often. One time I disappeared from work for half a day and went to his house when his parents were away. That was the first time he fucked me, on his bed. It was the first time anyone had ever been inside me. It felt so good. We spent the whole afternoon together curled up in his bed and then on the sofa watching a film together. I felt so happy. There was lots of shit going on in my life at that time and being with him was an oasis away from all this shit.

I knew his work schedule and after work, when I could, I would meet him at the hospital he worked at - finding a corner so that we could just hug and have a kiss. He had even introduced me to his colleagues as his brother (who lived overseas and was just visiting). I'm not sure why. One time, we ended up having sex in the toilets on a hospital ward. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. I used to love seeing him at work - always in his white uniform - being able to see the outline of his tight tanga briefs underneath and if we were alone he'd let me rub his arse so I could feel them - sometimes letting me put my hand inside his trousers so that I could feel how hard he was!

On another occasion, my wife was away and he spent the night at my house. I picked him up and we made supper and spent the rest of the night fucking, kissing and holding each other. It was one of the best experiences ever waking up in the morning cuddled up tight next to him, both of us naked. He was late for university and so we hurriedly showered together, got dressed and went on our way. But not before we fucked again. Him fucking me and then me fucking him. I trusted him implicitly and knew I was safe and comfortable with him. It was perfect.

But nothing stays perfect forever.

Since I didn't have a mobile phone he wanted me to call him when I arrived at work and we'd speak. He wanted me to call him too before I left work. If for some reason I'd arrived at work late or left early, there would be messages on my voice mail - Where was I? Why hadn't I called? I began to feel as though we were married. I'm not a confrontation or argumentative person as a rule and would often find myself excusing myself why I hadn't called.

From the first time we'd met, he always knew I was married and that was not going to change. He was amazingly understanding of the situation and never tried to change that situation. He had friends and if I would ask him what his plans were for the weekend, he would often say "if I can't be with you then I'm not going out!" I knew he meant it and I also knew that it wasn't fair.

I began to realise that our relationship had reached the point where there was nowhere for it to go. I loved him so much - he was a genuinely honest and good person - and they are very hard to find. But I also knew that it wasn't fair that no matter what we did or where we did it, at the end of the day I would get up and go home.

The relationship gradually faded away. We hadn't spoken for a couple of months when one day I had a voice mail message from him. He had remembered my birthday and he had said that no matter what happened between us birthdays come before everything. I don't know why, but I never returned his call.

I still think about him almost everyday. I even found him on Facebook (I think) but didn't contact him. I'm sure he has a good and happy life and is probably making someone somewhere as happy as he made me.

Back to Normal Pt. II

2010-05-09T03:23:00.000-07:00

So we drive into his apartment complex. It was all newly built and very smart. I park my car next to his and we head inside.

We went up to his flat - it was very impressive. I don't know whether it was his or a rental but everything inside was exquisite. On the wall were old Hollywood-style film posters and the furniture was perfectly positioned.

We went into the lounge and sat on the sofa and chatted a bit. Then he offered me a drink and I took my usual glass of water. He brought the drinks then said he need to pee - he came back into the lounge but hadn't closed his jeans. He looked very sexy and comfortable. I could just see the top of his tight, white boxers as the top of his jeans folded over.

As I sat on the sofa, he stood in front of me. I put my hands on his jeans and began to pull them down. I could tell immediately how hard he was. With his jeans around his ankles I began to nuzzle his cock with my nose and tongue. He expertly took off his shoes and stepped out of his jeans. I began to slide his boxers down. His cock was thin and rock hard - shooting out of a bush of tight blond curls. I took his cock in my mouth and began sucking on it playing with his balls at the same time. While I was sucking on his cock he took off his shirt.

He pulled out his cock and says "I'll be right back, get naked!". I stripped naked as he returned with a towel which he lay on the floor in front of the sofa. He whispered in my ear that he loves to get fucked. I thought to myself, who am I to deny his wish??!!! He leaned forward exposing his cute little arse to pull a packet of condoms out of his jeans pocket and hands them to me. He immediately got down on all 4s on the towel as I fumbled around to put the condom on. By now I was already rock hard too. I began working his arse a little. Getting it ready for me.

I was very gentle with him. My cock was just touching his hole. I could feel him pushing back on me. I let him. He took a deep breath as the first cm slid inside. Slowly as I pushed forward and he pushed back I could feel myself sliding inside him. He was hungry for my cock. I left my cock inside him and could feel him clenching his cheeks around it. I slowly began to pull out and could hear his hunger. I began to get into a rhythm sliding it in and out. My hands massaging his back as I moved back and forth in and out of him. I put my hand underneath him and grabbed his cock with my stomach resting on his back, my cock deep inside.

I suddenly realised his need for a towel on the floor - as I stroked his cock and fucked him slowly - I felt his entire body shudder as he began shooting his thick cum on my hand and onto the towel (protecting his nice carpet). At almost the same time I pulled my cock out from him and shot my load over his arse and back - he turned round and lay on his back (on the towel) and I lay on top of him. We kissed. He had enjoyed himself as much as I had.

We met another couple of times after that and the routine was pretty much the same. We would meet, by chance, at the same cruising spot and I would go back to his house. After that, I never saw him again!

I apologise for not having finished this post last week, as promised. I just didn't have the time.

I am planning a big post for my 50,000 hits which should be in the next couple of days. Thanks to everyone who is supporting, reading and contributing to my blog.

Back to Normal

2010-05-04T12:25:00.000-07:00

Having spent the last few nights working with the big boss at long last my working day routine is getting back to some level of normality. The hardest part is never knowing when he's going to call me. It could be in the afternoon but it could also be late in the evening - we normally didn't start working until around 1730.

Thankfully, although the hours were quite long - I was with him a couple of nights until after 2300, it's quite stressful - but it wasn't too difficult and I got through it with a small and meaningless thank you. It never harms work prospects to suck-up to the boss.

My blog is still slowly evolving. I've now added an email address and I've added a globe which gives me some indication of where people are in the world who have been looking at my blog. Although I haven't posted much lately, I've been keeping up to date with the blogs of others. It's quite amazing how many stories of guys in a similar situation to mine, who could be anywhere all over the world, have similar stories, feelings and experiences. It's definitely good to know that I'm not the only one out there and it's so great to read their stories. These other blogs always bring hidden memories that had long been forgotten by me to the front again.

One time I was at a cruising spot mentioned in my post I Still Don't Know!. I think I had popped in to the car park after a day at university. There were a few cars parked at various spots in the car park. I parked opposite a red Fiesta XR2. That was a cool car at the time, so guessed the driver must be youngish also. I was listening to the radio. I noticed the driver of the car staring at me. It was about 17:00 and beginning to get dark. He looked like he was early 20s wearing a black puffa jacket. He got out of his car and headed down into the woods. He had curly blond hair, wearing jeans and black boots. He stared directly at me as he walked past my car.

I waited a little about 30 seconds after he'd gone past and too got out of the car. He saw that I had followed him. He continued walking down a winding path and occasionally looked around to make sure I was following him. The adrenalin beginning to circulate through my body. The guy suddenly turned off the track and into the trees. I watched him carefully and then followed him.

He stopped walking after a minute or two and stood by a tree. I walked by him, both of us staring at each other and too stopped at a tree nearby. We stood staring at each other as he began to rub his cock over his jeans. I slowly approached him and moved my hand so that I was now rubbing his cock. He was already hard. He put his hand on me and we began to kiss.

Suddenly we heard a noise and both of us instinctively turned around at the same time. Someone had followed me and he was staring at us. The blond guy leaned into me and whispered "do you want to come back to my place for some privacy?". I was horny as hell and agreed. As we turned to walk away, the guy who bothered us also turned and walked off. We walked together and headed back to our cars. He told me to follow him and that he lived in a flat not too far away on a new development which I new well. We drove out of the car park and headed towards his place.

I'll carry on the story tomorrow.

Definitely Makes More Sense

2010-04-30T06:59:00.000-07:00

I know I have asked several times if anyone wants to send me emails, but naturally being the airhead that I am I hadn't bothered to add an email address anywhere.

Please feel free to send me your emails with suggestions, ideas, pictures, questions or anything else to:

idontunderstanditeither@hotmail.com

Looking forward to hearing from everyone!!!

Late

2010-04-29T03:52:00.000-07:00

Well I ended up working with the boss last night. I had arranged things so that I was available all day so I was quite calm about everything. The problem is that he doesn't stand by his timetables and had told me he would be in the office at 1600 and we could start working. At 1730 his secretary called me and told me he was ready. It wasn't so bad just organising a PowerPoint presentation for him. He's an absolutely brilliant genius and a perfectionist - I could learn so much from him and his work ethic - not relaxing until everything is finished and looks good with the Is dotted and the Ts crossed. We finished at around 2200 which wasn't so bad - I've gotten quite used to working late now. Obviously, we haven't finished and will continue working today - he even claimed he would come in early today so we could finish early (from experience I know not to believe him!!).

There is definitely something sexy about being in a large office - virtually alone late at night. I guess it's nothing so unusual - but late at night is a very sexy time. Perhaps it's the idea of knowing that nobody is going to phone me, the chances of being "caught" are very slim too - the only problem is the having nobody to do anything with in order to get caught!!!

Saying that, there is a guy who works in another company in the building I work in - I think he's something to do with being in charge of the cleaning staff, warehouse work etc... I've noticed him staring at me a few times. Perhaps it's my over-active imagination - but every time I see him - my gaydar alarm bells begin ringing. He's an older guy, dark skinned and slim. I've heard him talk and he has a very deep, masculine voice. We shall see. It's a little 'close to home" but being the type of guy I am - I reject nothing!

I just wanted to say thank you again as I noticed today that I have cruised past the 40,000 hits barrier. That's quite an achievement and I'm very proud that so many people have taken their time to stop and look at my blog. If people would like to suggest topics for me to discuss - I would love to hear from you - please feel free to send me an email with suggestions, ideas or even your own personal pics that you'd like me to publish here (for the exhibitionists amongst you!!!).

Have a great day everyone!

I still don't know!

2010-04-27T00:10:00.000-07:00

Blogger is a funny old world. There are some blogs with some of the hardest core porn I have ever seen and believe me I've seen a lot of porn. Those in high places at Blogger who took it upon themselves to remove a blog without reason are very peculiar and seem to take censorship to very unusual places. Compared to others, I'm still a relative newbie in blogging terms, but assumed that blogging was an opportunity to post about your thoughts, feelings, experiences, fantasies and life without fear of someone deciding that they don't like what you're saying (obviously within reason) and removing your blog without explanation. I know that the gay/straight/married/bi world is shocked by the sudden disappearance of Scott's blog and I hope too that it will return in the same or different format as soon as possible! I have contacted Scott and I think he was as surprised as any of us to find his blog gone.

Things with me are as hectic as ever. In addition, the big boss of the company where I work needs to do some work with me. Having informed him of my schedule - leaving in the middle of the day and returning later in the evening - he wasn't very impressed. From experience, I know that working with him is often done late at night and any time that he says he would like to start working normally means at least 4 hours later than what he says - he isn't one for sticking to timetables he sets himself. We shall see what will happen. I wonder whether senior managers learn who to be complete arseholes at managerial school or if it just comes to them naturally with the power they have.

Although my posts have been a little erratic recently, I have been keeping myself updated on all the blogs I read. One post, I forget which one now, reminded me of something that happened to me many years ago.

Very close to where I lived were lots of fields surrounding a golf course. I had discovered that these wooded fields were used by men for cruising and naked sunbathing. Once I had found this place as my courage and experience grew I would wonder around in certain areas and discover more hideaways where guys would meet and fuck and sunbathe nude! One Sunday afternoon I found myself wandering around the area. It was a very hot day and there were quite a few guys roaming around, all cruising and looking for sex. It was a hot day and I found myself a little corner and sat down on my own enjoying the sun. A walk walks past me and we stare at each other. He continues walking and about five minutes later he passes me again, stops and asks if he could join me. I smile and say "sure!". We started with the usual chit-chat that goes on asking each others ages, what do you do, are you from the area etc... I was about 18-19 at the time, this guy was older, in his 30s. He was quite good looking with short black hair and a hairy chest.

He asked if I'd like to go back to his place - he told me he didn't live too far away. I had nothing else to do so agreed. He told me that he could tell already that he'd like to spend all day in bed with me but was having some friends around later in the afternoon so we'd have to be quite quick. At that age I was happy for a quickie and nothing more, so said that would be fine.

We walked back to the car park and I followed him. I knew the direction we were headed in and it wasn't too far from where I lived and knew the area we were going to. He drove into a quite cul-de-sac with small, modern houses. He parked in the driveway of his house and I parked on the street outside and we went inside. As we went inside I realised the house was actually two separate flats and he had the ground floor flat. He motioned me to go in and we sat in his lounge and continued chatting for a few minutes.

He told me again that his friends would be here soon and we went straight to the bedroom. He seemed like a nice guy and had a very warm smile. The next thing I knew, we were standing by the bed kissing passionately and pulling each others clothes off. Since it was such a hot day, we were both in shorts and they were easily pulled off. His cock was already rock hard and while we were kissing and stripping each other he was making a lot of noise. He was quite stocky and quite hairy - that's always a nice combination as far as I'm concerned.

I pushed him on to the bed and he lay there on his back. I lifted up his legs and rubbed my cock between his arse cheeks. He liked that. The sex we had was noisy and sweaty - just how I like it! He leaned over to his bedside table and pulled out a box of condoms and expertly opened one and slid it on my cock. I grabbed his legs and began to slide myself inside him. The noise levels were getting louder! He was definitely enjoying himself as was I. I began to fuck him, starting slowly easing my cock inside him and then getting into a rhythm fucking him fast and steady - by now I had one hand rubbing his cock at the same time.

The noise was getting louder and I knew that we were both going to cum. I continued to stroke him as I fucked him both of us grunting and moaning loudly. The next thing I feel is my cock twitching at exactly the same time as his cock in my hand and both of us letting out a huge sigh at the same time as we both began cumming - the condom filling up with cum inside him as he shot his load over his stomach and chest.

I pulled out of him slowly, my cock still extra sensitive and fell on top of him in a heap. We lay together on his bed for a few minutes. He looks at me and asks if I'd like a drink. I tell him some cold water. Still naked, his cock flopping from side to side, he heads to the kitchen. Suddenly, he comes back to the bedroom where I'm lying on the bed and has a strange look on his face. I asked him what's wrong. He says come here and take a look and he leads me to the kitchen. His kitchen was at the back of his ground floor flat and looks out onto his garden. There was a group of people sitting in the garden and I stare at him blankly. He says to me "get dressed quickly!" We both get dressed and he tells me that at some point while we were fucking, his friends must have arrived.

We got dressed and head outside and he says "let me introduce you to my friends". I didn't want to, but had no choice. He introduced me and I said "hi" to everyone. I could feel the people staring at me almost sure they had known what we'd been up to just a few minutes before. I made my excuses and left.

To this day, I don't know whether they had rung the doorbell and we had not heard and they'd gone round the back into the garden or whether they'd been there all the time or even if they had even seen what we'd been up to through the window!

I wonder whether any of my readers have had similar situations where they've been either before, during or after a shag and other people have interrupted or disturbed them?

It's funny the memories blogging churns up.

Fucked up Fucking!

2010-04-21T04:44:00.000-07:00

I haven't abandoned the blog. Things have just been very quiet at the moment and although I'm constantly thinking about topics to write about, I haven't been able to think of anything interesting that may interest readers. I realise that isn't the smartest thing to do as it may cause people to drift away from my blog and not return. I keep reading the blogs of others and love some of the ways that people manage to attract readers to their blogs by means of pictures, interviews, polls etc...

I love the idea that some of my posts have provoked feedback and comments from people who read my blog and these comments (even those that I don't always agree with) definitely give me a buzz knowing that a stranger somewhere in the world is reading about my life and taking their time and energy to actually comment on it.

As I said, things are very quiet at the moment. Still doing the running around and staying late at work which just leaves me pretty tired without much energy to do much although I'm horny all the time. Flirty office guy said he's staying late tonight as well, but not sure if I'm coming back. Last time we worked late together, I gave him a lift home, alas nothing happened. Not even any flirting - he spent most of the time in the car on the phone to his wife - dammit!!!

I have been having some very strange thoughts recently. Although I love sucking cock and generally being a top when I'm with a guy, I have always enjoyed the thought of being a really slutty bottom. The problem with me, I'm not sure it can be entirely classed as a "problem" is my inability to relax enough. I have been fucked before (a long, long, long time ago) and when it's done gently and properly is incredibly enjoyable. I don't know whether it's a matter of me needing to be "in control" of the situation when I'm with a guy so therefore like being on top but just never seem to relax enough to take a cock comfortably. I'm interested to know whether other guys find the same thing or is it just me?. I read lots of forums, stories and blogs etc... of guys just being able to bend over and take it without so much as batting an eyelid - but I just don't seem to be able to do it!

I'm sure the issue is not the position, whether it's riding a cock, sitting on one, bending over or lying down - it's the actual insertion! Maybe I'm just nuts!

Your comments thoughts etc... would be appreciated!

Just a quickie post today have a good one!

The Turnaround

2010-04-15T04:22:00.000-07:00

Rather than take two buses, to reach my destination I decided to take 1 bus and walk the rest of the way. About three-quarters of the way through the journey is a shopping centre. It was about 8.00 in the morning so although the centre was open, the shops were closed.

I decided to walk through the shopping centre as I was early and had some time to kill. There were lots of stalls in the middle of the aisles selling all kinds of stuff from baby clothes and jewellery to dinner place serving dishes. The stall holders were busily preparing their stalls laying out their merchandise on the tables and display stands. I noticed two guys talking to each other in Spanish setting up a stall with hand puppets and another woman organising gold bracelets on a velvet cloth.

I was meandering looking in the shop windows. I headed to the toilets as I needed to pee. There weren't many people around. I took a leak and headed back to the shops to have a wander around.

I notice a guy walking towards me. He's probably late 40s early 50s. Dark skinned, graying hair wearing a tight white T-shirt, jeans and trainers. I notice him looking at me as I look at him. Our eyes locked onto each other. There was an unusual gaze, perhaps 1 second longer than would be considered "polite".

I had read about "the turnaround" and heard of it and had actually tried it a few times unsuccessfully, assuming it was just a myth. Staring at a guy that has stared at you, walking another couple of steps and then turning round to see if he is looking back at you. If he turns round you're on to a winner, if not, then just keep walking.

We stared at each other and continued to walk in opposite directions. I slowed down almost to a stop and turned round. I waited maybe a second and there it was. Spanish puppet guy turned round. My heart immediately began racing. What should I do? Turn back? Keep walking? He was heading to the toilets where I had just come from. The rush of adrenalin was huge.

I stopped. Turned around and followed him. He was maybe 15 meters in front of me and he saw me turn round. I sped up a little and walk into the toilet. I walked past and stood about 3 meters from the door. I noticed that he had not shut the door. The crack left open in the door was too small to see through so I stood, frozen to the spot. Should I go in? Should I wait?

It seemed like an eternity but was probably only half a minute as I waited outside. Suddenly, I saw the door open and he stood and saw me standing there. He moved back inside the toilet and again left the door open. I understood the definite invitation and moved towards the door and stepped inside.

I could already see a bulge in his dark blue jeans as I closed the door behind me and locked it. We looked it each other up and down. I think we were both as surprised as each other by what was happening. I gently grabbed his bulge and could feel that he was already hard. I lifted up his T-shirt and ran my hands over his slightly hairy olive-toned skin. I leaned forward and began to lick his nipples. He wasn't young but had a firm body, his skin soft to the touch. I got down on my knees and opened his belt and then his jeans. I pulled his jeans down and he was wearing tight, blue slip briefs with a bulging cock inside them. I slid them down slowly and his hard cock stood to attention. It was the biggest cock but it was hard and I was horny.

He moved back, pulling down the seat to sit down on the toilet, leaning back and accidentally pushing on the toilet flush, flushing the toilet. I put my lips around his cock and slid my mouth over it and began sucking on his rock hard cock. I could already see the pre-cum on his cock. He whispered to me "lick my balls" and I duly obliged. He began panting heavily before going back to sucking his cock. I knew that he was close to shooting and pulled off his cock and began gently stroking his hairy leg. Moments later I was watching his twitching cock shooting thick, creamy cum over his hand as he jerked his cock. I used my finger to gently massage the cum around the head of his cock and his whole body jerked.

He pulled some toilet paper and began wiping his cock clean as I stood up and "adjusted myself". He pulled up his briefs and jeans and got dressed. I opened the door carefully, making sure there was nobody outside and closed it behind me again, giving him time to compose himself before leaving.

I went back to wander around the shopping centre for a little longer and he had gone back to his friend on the stall. Both of us a little shell-shocked by what had just happened. After another 15 minutes or so I left the shopping centre and continued my journey.

The turnaround is indeed not a myth!

Pretty Quiet

2010-04-14T10:38:00.000-07:00

Things at the moment with me are pretty quiet. After a break for a couple of weeks with the running around things are getting back to normal with me being the resident taxi driver. It's a bit of a pain but the benefits are worth the effort. I'm very pleased that my wife is settling in her new job, the extra salary is always very welcome and it's just a good feeling being "normal" again.

I spoiled myself yesterday and went to the shopping centre and bought me some clothes. The diet is still going well, I was at the dietitian this week and I was a little disappointed that I'd only lost an extra ½ kilo, but it's still a loss and that's always good. People are beginning to notice that I've lost weight which definitely gives me the will to continue losing weight and especially with summer just around the corner I need to lose weight for the beach and swimming pool etc...

I'm working late in the office again tonight. Lucky for me Flirty office guy is also planning on staying late AND he has already asked me if I can give him a lift home. Naturally, I accepted immediately although it'll be really late (around 2300) and it's basically in completely the opposite direction to where I need to go, but fuck I just can't refuse him anything! I'm doubtful that anything will happen, but with me being the horny bastard that I am - my mind is already running amok with possibilities, particularly when it's late and quiet and dark in the office!!!

I'm sure nobody would have noticed but I'm horny as hell today. What I wouldn't do to have someone wrap themselves around my cock just for a few minutes and of course for me to reciprocate. Alas, the dry spell continues but at least I get to spend time alone with (hopefully) just me and Flirty office guy. Fingers crossed!!!

Have a good one!

Wrestling

2010-04-11T04:19:00.000-07:00

Thanks for those who posted questions on the Personal Questions. I hope you appreciated my answers, for the time being I'm going to keep it up and see what happens to it. If you want fuller answers or something different, please let me know.

I received a comment to my post last week that provoked a fair bit of discussion about being married and gay, but this comment was about the wrestling pictures that were posted to illustrate the post. I loved that the comment was related to the post yet totally unrelated to the rest of the "discussion" that was going on there.

The anonymous comment said:

"Seems that everything is already said in the above comments so all I want to add is a compliment on the wonderful wrestling pictures. Wrestling is such a turn on! Stretching out each others bodies, feeling the muscles, dominating, being dominated. Sorry for being totally off topic now :-)"

Well the weird thing is that I had/have a huge thing about wrestling too. I have even tried it. So this comment reminded me of a meeting I had about 6 or 7 years ago.

I don't even remember how it started or where it came from but the idea of erotic wrestling with another guy suddenly really appealed to me. I think I must have seen some pictures of it on a forum or other website. Being more of a top guy myself, I really liked the idea of wrestling/grappling with a guy and then submitting him. It brought back memories of being a child and watching wrestling on Saturday afternoon television with the likes of Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks. I remembered seeing the guys in their briefs holding each other down, submitting them and then boasting with great bravado about their victory.

Things seemed to flow from one thing to another and managed to speak to a few guys who were also very much into wrestling. Some of them seemed to take the whole idea very seriously. Being a married guy who is attracted to men and and arranging a meeting is hard enough, but add to that equation a place to wrestle made things extra difficult. There was one guy I spoke to a few times on the phone and via emails. He seemed to get extremely turned on by the fight build-up, he loved to tell me what he'd like to happen during the fight and that I was a pussy and he could beat me, and once I'd submitted to him what he would do to me. I would obviously return and telling him that he was the pussy and I'd beat him and he'd be mine etc... I never got to meet this guy. I had heard from some other guys that he was a bit crazy (I don't know in the end if this was true or not) but I wasn't going to take any chances.

One day I was in a chat room and began talking to another guy who was also interested in wrestling. From the chat our conversation moved to the telephone and it turns out he was only about 20 minutes from where I was. We decided to meet. I drove to where he lived and he gave me directions to his house. I parked my car and he came out to me. He was younger than I expected, tall and thin with short dark hair. He was wearing a vest and shorts and I could see he had big shoulders and looked quite fit.

He told me he lived in the house with friends, but I think it was his parent's house. I got out of the car and we shook hands. I reminded him that I'm very discreet and we headed inside. There was a large lounge area and he began placing the cushions on the floor to create a wrestling area. We agreed on a few rules - no hurting each other, we fight to submission and we keep our underwear on - the idea of the fight to remove the other's underwear and to force him into submission.

I began to undress and he removed his vest. He had dark, suntanned skin and a hairy chest. He pulled down his shorts and revealed a pair of small, briefs underneath. I couldn't wait to get them off of him. He had told me he was experienced with the wrestling but I had told him that this was my first meet to wrestle. I was a lot bigger than him, I was taller and wider. Once we were both in our underwear we stood in front of each other on the cushions which he had placed on the floor

It was a little awkward at the beginning and we began by pushing each other, taunting each other quietly "I'm gonna submit you" or "you're gonna be my slut by the time we finished". As we began to feel more comfortable with each other the fighting became more physical - he held me down or legs entwined I managed to push him off and hold him down. At one point, I even managed to lift him up over my head - even I was surprised by how much strength I had. Fighting can be quite draining. After a few minutes we were both panting quite heavily. As we became heavier our wrestling became more erotic. At one point he held me down and grabbed my cock (we were both still in our underwear. I then pushed him off of me and managed to take control of him. My hand cupping his now hardening cock.

I managed to roll him on to his stomach his arms pulled tight behind his back - I slapped his arse and he jumped. He tried to kick me away but wasn't able to. I pulled his arms back harder and managed to position myself on his bent legs. He began struggling but I had him held tight. I leaned forward, still forcing his arms back and whispered in his ear whether he is ready to "submit". He shook his head, he still had more fight in him. I then pulled back harder on his arms and managed to lay another smack on his arse. I put my hands under his briefs and just managed to slide a finger between his cheeks. His arms were beginning to hurt and I could tell that he was weakening. I gave another tug and asked him if he was ready to submit, he didn't answer.

I gave one more pull on his hands and he let out a small shout. He couldn't take it any more and shouted "I submit". I smiled to myself and got up from sitting on him. I rolled him on to his back and sitting between his legs I pulled his briefs down. His cock was already rock hard as it popped out of his pants. The situation of being totally unable to move and submissive to me had obviously turned him on more than I could have imagined.

While he lay on his back, I knelt between his spread legs and grabbed his cock, I jokingly told him that it was now my cock. He just smiled and I began to stroke it slowly. We were both tired and sweating from the fight and my hand was sliding up and down nicely. While I stroked his cock with one hand I put a finger from my other hand between his cheeks. He lifted up his arse slowly to give me better access and my middle finger sliding inside him. Within a couple of minutes of me wanking him and fingering his arse I could feel his cock begin to twitch, his breathing becoming heavier and he finally shoots his load over his stomach and chest.

I then wanted my turn and I pulled him up into a sitting position and stood up in front of him and let him take my now rock hard cock into his mouth. I reminded him again that he submitted and was now mine. He eagerly took my cock and began sucking on it. He definitely knew what he was doing and he did it well, almost making me think he'd lost on purpose. I began fucking his mouth and was very close to cumming. I told him that I was about to cum but he just pulled me in closer. I let out a huge moan as I began shooting my load in his mouth. He continued moving back and forth on my cock sucking in every last drop of cum. He was definitely a great loser and just as he swallowed he looks up at me and says it was definitely worth losing!

We chatted for a few minutes while I got dressed. He just put on his briefs as he talked to me. We said we would do it again some time. But we never did. Other than looking at a few websites. That was my first and last experience of gay erotic wrestling. Given the right time and place I'd definitely do it again.

Ask me Absolutely Everything

2010-04-09T08:04:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post.

I have added a formspring.me question thingy. I'm not sure yet if I like it, if I'll use it or if it will stay.

But I just thought it might be fun to see if I get any kind of response from it and to see what kind of thoughts my readers have when reading my blog.

This is the link (I hope I've done it right):
http://www.formspring.me/TheLionQueen

Could be a fun way to answer any questions people may have and who don't want to ask on the blog.

I can't promise answers in the next couple of days but will definitely try. That's if someone actually asks anything.

Have a great weekend all!

Let Battle Commence

2010-04-07T01:32:00.000-07:00

Since I started writing this blog I've not had a huge amount of feedback (posts on other blogs can easily reach 20-30+ comments), but the feedback I have always had has been interesting and positive .... until yesterday.

I've never been big on censorship nor have I found a need to do so since I began writing the blog. I like to think my blog is purely as a chance to give an insight into my life, my thoughts, my actions and just an opportunity to share my life anonymously with others. I don't think I'm ever judgmental and may even sometimes be funny and sexy.

Just today I was reading The Gayest Str8 Guy's Blog and he wrote:

"I like blogging. I like reading Comments, getting email from dudes who like what they read, even getting email from the losers who hate me. But lets face it - the cool blogs have real life sex stories."

Which was great to read as I realised either it's the same lunatic or there are other lunatics out there in blogland.

Since this is my blog, I feel I have the right to write and describe what I like and how I like. Nobody is forced to read this blog and if they don't like it they're welcome to move on to the next blog.

Yesterday I was checking my mails and I had received a comment from "jwazzz" which personally I didn't understand - he'd written in reply to my post Memories the following comment:

"At first I thought this site was on the level - after reading a few of the posts (especially this one) I'm convinced that this is no different than Penthouse Forum with a bi twist. Nice try."

I even responded that I wasn't sure if this was a compliment or not.

But then, to my post Feeling Horny he seemed to take great offence to what I'd written and commented with the following tirade:

"You can't find the "...appropriate outlet for your feelings." Did you ever consider your wife? You married gays are the worst - hooking up now with the internet is just way too easy for you. You'll continue to stay married and closeted, continue to get your dick fix when you need it and most likely, continue to laugh at the fag jokes told around the office (best case) or, and heaven forbid, stand around some night while your drunk buddies are beating the crap out of someone like me and just so your cover isn't blown, get in a few kicks and punches yourself. (worst case) Grow a pair and come out - if you're truly bi then continue to fuck men and women, just don't hide behind a marriage to do it."

Although I'm not a confrontation person at all, I'm also never one to back down from an argument when it is presented to me on a silver platter. I responded immediately:

"I have never claimed that the way I live is the right way (or wrong way) nor is this blog intended to be any kind of defence of the way I live. But yes, this is how I live and I am definitely not the only person in the world to live like this. If I am happy living this way, then it's not your problem or your concern.

Please don't judge me based upon your own incorrect and misconceived perceptions of gay married men because clearly (based on your last comment) you are completely and utterly wrong.

I too may be wrong, but please don't be jealous of the way I live, it is not easy - but please be accepting of people who have chosen to live their life in a way different to your own.

Thanks for commenting though.

I think I shall post about this tomorrow."

I would just like to add that I am very pleased that from my writing you are able to ascertain what you did from my blog postings. You obviously perceive me as a promiscuous, violent, lying, beer-swigging gay basher. But you are totally, utterly, completely and definitely wrong!!!

If you don't like the way I live or the fact that I have a penchant for penis, a craving for cock, a desire for dick, a lust for labia or a voracity for vagina then that is your problem. I happen to have very big balls - perhaps even bigger than yours (should we ever meet I'd love to compare). If you want to be a militant "be loud and stand proud" gay man that is your choice and I think it's great that you are happy to live that way - but before you go assuming my way of life is the easy option, I recommend you stop and think before you blast off.

I would really be interested to hear from readers - should I have ignored these comments? Am I right? Is he wrong? Should I have handled it differently? Please let me know.

Rant over. Regular proceedings will continue tomorrow.

Updates....

2010-04-06T03:54:00.000-07:00

Have spent quite a bit of time at home recently and it hasn't been too bad. Even had my monster-in-law staying with us for nearly a week and although I despise her more than anything else on this earth - I managed to stay calm and ignore (as much as is possible) the venomous, mean and ignorant shit that pours so easily from her mouth. A lot of the time was spent at home and I don't think I even argued seriously with the wife once, which is a good sign. Since there have been school holidays I've had a break from all the taxi driving and running around so things have been quite calm. Alas, today things are back to normal and the craziness begins again.

Things are getting back to normal at work too. Although things are quiet there are still a few annoying little odds and ends that I need to complete - but I'm just putting them off and spending my time instead watching way too much porn on the internet.

Despite my request to change jobs and manage one of the departments here nothing has happened. The job is still unfilled (I don't even think it's being advertised right now either). Although I still think my chances of getting that job are pretty slim. I'm still unmotivated and bored but at least it's a job and I'm earning money. The wife got her first salary this month so although she's already started moaning and complaining about her job (yep, it's only been a month but it's started already!) I think her seeing that she'd finally made a contribution to our household made her realise that she needs to work! I just hope it lasts for longer than I am imagining - only time will tell!!!

Tried to arrange a "date" with Flirty office guy over the weekend. I sent him and another friend a text to see if they wanted to "go out for a drink or something" but the friend said he couldn't make it and Flirty office guy didn't answer - he said he wanted a phone call and not a text message. A new guy started in Flirty office guy's department a couple of weeks ago and the rumours are that he is gay. Flirty office guy was talking to me about it and said that if it was true that he's gay it really disgusts him. I wonder if he was being homophobic or was just saying that as a smokescreen. I just replied that it makes no difference to me and if he's happy sliding a dick inside him then who am I to judge? I'm still happy to try and convince him that I'm right!

My new "haircut" is a huge success (personally). I am really enjoying the feeling of feeling the shorter hair and find it quite sexy. Haven't had a chance to share it with another guy yet (damn this dry spell) but hoping whenever I do, the outcome will be positive.

Thanks again to everyone for reading and the new followers (it makes me sound like some kind of maharishi). I really appreciate the comments and am very excited to see that my view counter has passed the 20,000 mark. I can't believe it has happened so quickly. There are some really great, well written blogs out there - so happy reading!!!

Self Control

2010-04-04T03:33:00.000-07:00

As a married man who is also into guys, there's something about the feeling of organising a "liaison" with another guy, being able to find a suitable time and place. The excitement of the unexpected, not knowing who you're going to meet, what he looks like, whether he matches the description he gave you or the mental picture you have in your head. The thoughts of what you might do together and what it might lead to. For me personally, often the build-up to these meetings can be just as exciting (and sometimes better) than the act itself.

One time, probably about 4 years ago I arranged to meet a guy. We agreed on a time and location. He was a little older than me, business type - turned up in a suit with no tie. We chatted for a few minutes decided everything was suitable and moved on to where we were going to be alone.

We got into the room and closed the door behind us. Almost immediately our hands were on each other. Without so much as a push or a shove he was on his knees opening my jeans and pulling my cock out. I could feel his warm, wet mouth on my cock. He began sucking with gusto and was really going for it. He was quite good at it too.

After only 15-20 seconds he suddenly jumps up from his knees, fumbling at his trousers trying to open them - almost in a panic, he just manages to pull down his zip and whip his cock out and begins breathing heavily and I hear him say "oh god, I'm cumming" as he proceeds to shoot his cum all over the floor. I stood there somewhat shell-shocked - I hadn't even got fully hard yet and he'd already cum. How very disappointing!

A similar thing happened to me when I had arranged to meet a guy one evening. It was about 2200 and we'd been chatting on the Internet. We both lived nearby and arranged a place to meet. It was dark and we walked down a small path between some trees. I don't think I had ever met someone so quickly after having chatted with them 20 minutes before in a gay chat room. He had told me he was totally passive and loves to suck and lick cock. That's perfect for me!

We stopped at the end of the path and began feeling each other. I could feel that his cock was beginning to harden in his jeans. I put my hand under his shirt and could feel his hairy stomach and chest .... hmmm just how I like my men. He did the same to me. I leaned in close and whispered in his ear "so you like to be a filthy slut then?" he looked at me with a wry smile and nodded. I had opened his jeans and was extra happy that he was wearing tight, little tanga briefs that always drive me wild. He was quite a bit shorter than me and I pushed him down to his knees. He pulled out my cock and began to suck it. I was holding his head and began to fuck his mouth. It felt good. This continued for maybe 1 minute.

He stood up and I moved my hand to stroke his cock. He suddenly pulled away from me and just heard him say "I've cum already, I couldn't hold it any longer!". Any longer??? I thought to myself - where's your fucking self-control? The man had cum and I didn't even know it. I had only just begun to get into my stride, feel comfortable and enjoy myself and it was already over.

Obviously, when these things happen it's always very disappointing. But on the one hand, being the positive person that I am, I tend to take it as a compliment - I was so overwhelmingly sexy and sexual, these guys were unable to control themselves and just be merely touching my body they are overcome with sexual gratification they can't perform any level of self control and simply cum as soon as they start. (Alternatively, but less appealing is the idea that they find me repulsive and are just too polite to say anything and cum as quickly as possible to get the entire act over and done with!)

On a lighter note, I gave myself a "haircut" down below today. I'm not sure why - I didn't shave my balls but I'm definitely "thinner" all over and I must say, I do like the results.

For those that dare reply - are you natural or do you shave? trim? How do you like to see another guy?

Memories

2010-04-01T00:14:00.000-07:00

The relative dry spell I have been going through recently reminded me of a guy I meet once every few months. Although we work about 100 meters from each other, we very rarely meet. He's a good 10 years older than me, has a nice body and about the same height as me. I've known him for a number of years (with big gaps in between) but somehow we've always stayed in touch.

Despite a break of several months with no contact we had exchanged a couple of emails a couple of weeks previously raising the possibility of a quick meet. He called me in the morning and asked what was happening. I had raised the idea of a possible threesome with him and he was very interested. I told him I wasn't sure if the threesome would happen, but we could still get together. We checked our diaries and arranged that he would call me when he was free (he is very senior in a large company and is much more restricted than I am with regard to availability).

He called me in the afternoon right on schedule. Neither of us have someone nice to go, so we often meet in a small and isolated room, deep inside his office building. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it's a chance for us to be alone and do what needs to be done.

As soon as we were inside he put his arms around me and I put my arms over his shoulders and we began to kiss. Deep, tongue-in-mouth passionate kissing. Both of us showing how much we needed this male-to-male contact. We began to slowly rub our bodies against each other while running our hands over each other's body - the warmth of his body on mine and mine on his, pulling ourselves closer together. While still kissing he began to remove my shirt, pulling it up over my head. I could feel his warm hands on my chest as I removed his shirt too. I immediately leaned forward and began kissing and licking his chest. He's quite hairy, but soft hair you want to be touching all the time.

I ran my hand over his chest and stomach before gently rubbing the growing bulge in his jeans. He began to open his belt and pulled his jeans down. He was wearing tight, light-gray briefs and I could immediately see how happy he was to see me. I nuzzled his cock through his briefs with my face and put my hands underneath the elastic of them so I could stroke his arse. Slowly, I began to pull them down. His cock popped up and immediately opened my mouth and let my lips slide down his long, hard cock.

I was holding his arse as he began to slide his cock in and out of my mouth. It felt so good and from the noises he was making, I knew he was enjoying it too. That's something that's always important to me, to know that my partner is enjoying himself too. He began to rhythmically slide back and forward as he fucked my mouth. I was taking his cock deep down to the back of my throat. He pulled his cock out and I stood up and we carried on kissing some more. Long, wet, passionate kissing hands all over each other sliding up and down our backs and chests and stomachs.

He began to slide down my body, pulling down my jeans and shorts - I could feel his hands running up and down my legs as he began to work on my cock. He was good at sucking. Pushing me back against the wall, he too was taking my cock deep inside. I held his head and began to slide my cock in and out of his mouth - it felt sensational. He was enjoying himself as much as I was and that for me is the best feeling when having sex.

He stood up again and holding me tight against his body we started more kissing - rubbing our cocks together both of us hard and horny. I got down on my knees again to suck him more. I knew he was close. From my experiences with this guy I knew that if I miss the moment with him, he won't cum, but I really wanted him to cum. I took his cock in my mouth and began to slide my mouth up and down his cock. I then took my tongue and licked from his balls, up the shaft of his cock to the head before putting my lips around it and sliding it back inside. His body was jerking each time I did that. I began to suck on his cock harder and faster. Sliding my mouth up and down - his cock was rock hard and every few seconds his body would jerk. I heard him say, "I'm close, I'm gonna cum" but my mouth was relentless, sliding up and down his shaft, licking the head of his cock more, faster and faster. He gave me another warning "I'm gonna cum" but I didn't stop. His body jerking violently but still my mouth sliding up and down his cock. He grabbed my head but there was no escape, he let out a huge sigh and I could feel his cock shooting his load of hot cum in my mouth. Still moving my mouth up and down his cock - sucking out every last drop of cum from his cock. His body jerking, his cock sensitive I still carried on sucking. He was unable to move for a couple of seconds. I could hear him saying "wow, wow" over and over.

Still with the taste of his cum in my mouth I stood up and we started kissing again even more passionately than before. He grabbed my cock and began stroking it. He turned me around and I could feel his hand between my arse cheeks, as he stroked me with the other hand. I was very close too. I could feel that despite him cumming he was still horny, but I was teetering on the edge. The strokes of his hand each time now making my body jerk. I felt his finger slide inside me and suddenly I too let out a huge groan as I began shooting, he didn't stop and my sensitive cock was shooting cum over the floor. I turned round and we kissed some more. Both of us smiling and happy with the experience we just had.

We cleaned up and got dressed before heading back to our offices to carry on the day. We laughed at how can we possibly go back to work after that. But we did! We'll meet again for sure. Just don't know when.

Feeling Horny

2010-03-31T03:28:00.000-07:00

I follow a lot of blogs. The vast majority of them aren't updated particularly regularly and just contain either pictures of videos. Most of them aren't very much of a turn on. I think I am finding myself much more turned on by the written word than just pictures of a naked guy. Everyone has their own idea of what they're attracted to. I once had a friend who was "obsessed" by a particular gay porn star - they porn star was beautiful but I prefer to fantasize about someone who is much more attainable.

Personally, the perfectly built, muscular porno starts don't really do it for me. Sure I appreciate the beauty of the man but I'm much more attracted to the "boy (man) next door" look - you definitely don't have to have a perfect body, body hair is always well accepted - I guess because my body is far from perfect I feel much more comfortable with guys that aren't perfect either!

Of the more literary blogs I follow, some of the other blogs I follow and read are very sexy. Some explore the difficulties guys in my situation are going through others are more of an insight into how horny us guys really are. At the moment my level of horniness is just off the scale. In one way, I love the feeling of being horny - it makes me feel alive and I actually find it quite exciting because it makes me want to look for sex and often that means I don't know where I'll end up or who with. But as a result of that it can also be very frustrating when I can't find an appropriate outlet for the feelings and at the same time that leads me to feel even hornier because when I'm like this - there are almost no limits to what I am prepared and willing to do with a guy - given the opportunity.

I haven't had sex with a guy for a long time! I think it's an in-built part of me that needs the touch and feel of another man. Given my situation I understand how difficult it is to arrange with someone else in a suitable place and a suitable time. A guy I had a great connection with last year contacted me a week or so ago. I'm still totally in love with him. He was (and still is) absolutely everything I could have hoped to find in a guy. I'm still not sure why it never worked out (as I had hoped) but I would love to try again. Our meetings were pure pleasure (for me). I loved everything about him - from his look (he was tall, dark skinned totally masculine), his amazing body, his long legs, right down to the sexy underwear he wore (always tanga briefs). I hope we can arrange a time to meet soon - I totally miss his touch, his kiss, his smell - everything about him. I know he reads this blog - not sure how often though - but if he does - I still totally love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to reality - my view counter has whizzed up thousands of views since I installed it and I'm very excited to see it. I know it's very pessimistic of me, but I don't have any reason to doubt its accuracy. Thanks again to all who read, enjoy and comment.

I really enjoy getting your comments. If people would like to send me comments privately by email, please let me know and I will forward you an email address.

News and Views

2010-03-28T22:59:00.000-07:00

Well I haven't been around the last few days so haven't had the time or the opportunity to post anything. Yesterday, I wasn't alone in the office so was unable to post anything - although I think it would be also a little inappropriate (haha!). It's strange because when I don't have the opportunity to blog I have loads of ideas in my head about what I want to blog about and then when I have the time to sit down and write, I can never remember any of the things I wanted to write. I had even planned on making a list...but didn't!

Things in general are going pretty well. The first and probably most important thing is that I am still running. The last two "outings" have been incredibly successful. Normally I walk Friday mornings but didn't have time so went out in the evening. I'd had supper but felt like I was being lazy and should at least make minimum efforts. So I get dressed and think I'll see what happens. I'm walking for about 20 mins then I begin running. It's tough but good. I keep running and running and checking my watch and see I've made it to the 8 minutes but I don't feel I need to stop and keep going. I look again at my watch and it's 12 minutes and I appear to have broken through the pain barrier. I manage an additional 8 minutes and as I slow down my legs have turned to jelly. I'm veering off to the left unable to pull myself back to the right. Big fat me had managed to run for 20 minutes!

I was on a complete high. Unable to think properly, talk or walk in a straight line, I didn't care! I was feeling totally awesome and really felt I'd improved.

Went out again yesterday evening and again managed to shatter my previous record and ran non-stop at a slow and even pace for 26 minutes. The weird thing is I'm actually enjoying running. As I pass by another runner/jogger - there's an unspoken bond between us - runners look at each other and we all know what each other are going through. Over the next couple of days may try and make it to 30 minutes which would be great.

Flirty office guy is looking good at the moment. He was standing in front of me the other day and cleaned his glasses on his shirt. I could see his slightly hairy, flat stomach staring at me and was so tempted to lean forward and lick it, but managed to restrain myself. At the end of last week I stayed late at work and he came to say goodbye and gave me a good hug - that was nice!

The wife's new job seems to be going OK. I think she's finding the long hours pretty tough but so far seems to be doing good. She appears to be learning the material well and getting on good with the other employees. I hope it lasts! I'm hoping at the beginning of this month when she sees her first salary get paid into our bank account it should give her the drive to keep going.

I am still super horny. I just don't have the time for the searches and meetings etc...I have found myself a few times in front of the webcam at home, but that doesn't come close to the real thing - although there's something very sexy about just staring at another guy's cock from the comfort of your own home. I think one of the plus sides to webcam sex is that you can more or less be whoever you want to be. In face-to-face encounters you can't claim to be 25 when you're over 35 - but it seems via the webcam you can be. I personally see it as an opportunity to see the cocks of guys you'd never normally get a chance to see. Maybe I'm a shit, but that's the way of life (in my opinion) in cyber world.

It's sometimes quite amazing (with a certain amount of luck) what you can get a guy to do on webcam (both straight and gay men). I have seen people nail their scrotum to their desk, shit, shave themselves, piss, perform penile insertions, cover their body in graffitti and other things that would probably make your toes curl (if my list didn't!!). Nobody was every forced to do anything and if that's how they get off....I'm only happy to watch!

My view counter (if it is genuine and correct) is now showing almost 13000 hits on my blog and I have added an additional 14 followers. Much of that is due to Scott's Blog and I thank him again for that. Thank you to everyone who is taking the time to read and cooment.

I'm not going to be around much the next couple of days - but I will be back hopefully blogging on Wednesday.

Blogs

2010-03-25T01:54:00.000-07:00

When a good friend of mine showed me his blog and suggested I should write one too, I really had no idea what it would be or what I would write, I just knew that because of the "semi-inique" life I lead, it would definitely be interesting for those who are in the same situation. As I look back at the older posts I can see in the last 3 or so months since I began I am developing a kind of style. As someone who writes for a living, I understand the importance of writing style and doing my best to make sure that people read to the end. I hope I will continue to improve and develop and increase my readership and followers.

Since entering blog world, it's also been a revelation to read the multitude of topics and issues that people blog about. I have concentrated on the gay side of blogging in terms of following blogs with gay porn, pictures as well as the stories of guys in a similar situation to mine. It's so interesting to see the different attitudes of people all around the world dealing with pretty much the same issues. It's a kind of voyeurism into peoples' minds and not just their bedrooms.

Some blogs are fascinating reading, others are just full of pictures or videos. Perhaps I am just sceptical but some blogs seem a little unreal to me - perhaps not being written by whom they claim is writing them. Who knows?

I was honoured enough to have a guy from the thegayeststr8guy blog to feature my blog. This guy has the most amazing writing style. I also love his attitude towards the gay side of his straight life. Like him, I also don't think the whole issue of being married and gay too seriously. I know I'm attracted to guys but also always knew the type of life I was going to lead. Obviously, I'm not judging anyone. I'm not interested in labels or for anyone to judge me. Everyone must live their life the best way for them but sure, because of this some people make their lives very hard for themselves - I totally understand why they would do it but it's just not something I would do.

You can read about my blog here I Don't Understand it Either!!!. Thanks again to Scott for taking his time and effort to write about my blog! I have spoken to some really great people as a result of this blog and I'm really pleased.

Putting the hit counter on my blog has been a revelation. When I put it there on Tuesday it was more for the curiousity to see how many people actually look at my blog. I had about 30-31 followers and I thought that was it. I am blown away by the fact that since Tuesday when I set the counter at 3200 (according to profile views) to see that at the time of writing this post the counter is now on 6540 - that means that over 3000 people have loaded this page. That's amazing and I thank everyone who has been reading my blog!

Update...

2010-03-23T05:31:00.000-07:00

Unaccustomed as I am to blogging twice in one day, I just wanted to mention that I have added a new view counter to my blog. I am slowly but surely becoming more and more "blog savvy". It is just interesting for me to see how many people look at my blog on a daily/weekly basis.

I wasn't quite sure at which number to begin the counter - so I set it based on the number of views my profile has received so far (3200) - obviously I hope it's actually much higher than that.

Thanks again to everyone who reads, enjoys and comments on this blog. I'm happy to receive any suggestions or emails from you all about what you like to see and read here or any personal comments you'd like to make.

Have a great day!

Unanswered Questions

2010-03-23T02:44:00.000-07:00

I guess slowly, but surely we're getting into a routine of all the running about. It's not always easy but at least it's working and being the positive person that I am (two people in last week made a point of mentioning my positive attitude) I am looking at the plus side of the running around and not the difficulties involved.

Yesterday evening I came back to the office after the afternoon taxi service was completed. I friend of mine had arranged me some "private work" which kept me busy while in the office until 2300 and I was getting paid to do it. That's always a bonus. It wasn't difficult work and I'm pleased I did it. Extra money is always fun to receive - especially when I'm doing it on regular office time and not my own hahahaha!!!

There's something very sexy about being in the office late at night, the quiet, the almost empty car park, the darkness outside. There were still a few people wandering around (including Flirty office guy - but he was bogged under with some problem and couldn't "come out and play"). Maybe I'm just weird!

I'm still as horny as hell lately and haven't had any sex for a long time. Would really like some sex badly - but just don't have the time for it right now - which is pretty annoying. I'm still daydreaming about sex I had in the past. One guy I met a couple of times was pretty wild. I always remember him standing out at the meeting place because of the bright orange Ford Capri that he used to drive. He had longish hair and was quite rough looking but had a certain rugged and very masculine look about him that really turned me on.

Whether it was true or not the three or so times that we met - it just so happened that his girlfriend was out of town - but it was always handy. He was tall and slim with a nice smooth body. He was very masculine yet was totally passive with guys. He would tell me that I could do absolutely anything to him and he would obey. Looking back with the experience I have now, that could have been fantastic - but at the time I was still quite new to things and pretty naive so perhaps didn't take advantage of the offer as much as I could have.

He was probably one of the first guys that I actually fucked. I remember I would sit on his bed and watch him strip for me. He always wore sweat pants and underneath had big baggy boxer shorts. His cock was always hard by the time he was naked. One time, he told me that I could do as I wished with him and so I tied his hands behind his back - using the cord of his dressing gown and had him bent over his sofa - I remember the feeling of fucking him - having complete control over this strong, masculine guy as my cock slid inside him. It's a feeling that has stayed with me forever and which I still enjoy - I guess that's the part of sex being fun.

When I was at that stage of my life with regard to meeting men, I was obviously very naive, very scared and incredibly cautious about doing things - he was the first guy that I had really wanted to stay in touch with. Showing my age again, it was a long time before we had mobile phones and after we had fucked - I never had the courage to ask him for his phone number or to make a date to meet him again. It was always just by chance that we would meet at the same place another time.

It's weird to think but this was probably around 20 years ago. I wonder what has happened to him. Did he marry his girlfriend? Does he remember me? Does he still fuck around with guys? If I were to meet him again today would he still want me to do the same things to him? Unfortunately these are questions I will probably never know the answer to. But he definitely left me with some great memories.

Improvements

2010-03-19T07:32:00.000-07:00

Although I've only been dieting for a couple of months, I like to think I'm beginning to feel the positive effects of the efforts I'm putting in to losing weight. I am now trying at least twice a week to go out for a good power walk. Almost every Friday morning I'm available as nobody is at home and that's my time. I normally walk about 9 kilometers and the last few weeks I've been doing a bit of jogging too.

When I first ran I could force myself to run for only about 2 minutes before I thought I was going to collapse. Slowly every couple of weeks I have been trying to improve on that and today I managed to run non-stop for 13 minutes. To any of the super-fit guys out there that probably doesn't seem like too much - but for a fat, lazy bastard like me - I'm totally proud of what I have achieved. I am challenging myself with the running things to make my walks a bit more interesting - although I'm listening to music - walking can be very lonely and boring. So giving myself this little challenge gives me something to work towards.

I came into the office today although it's closed as I have a lot of hours to make up because of my running around during the week. Flirty office guy called me and we chatted for quite a long time about all kinds of stuff. Not really sure why he called (he'd been in the office himself earlier but had to leave before I arrived [he had already called me earlier in the day to tell me he would be leaving earlier than planned]). I enjoy speaking to him a lot and not just for the obvious reasons. He's intelligent and a really nice guy to talk to.

The other day as he left work he gave me a big hug too - I'm not sure why he did it - but I accepted the hug with open arms!!!

Yesterday was a weird day for me, not sure why. I think it was a mixture of tiredness and stress with all the running around and I suddenly felt really low - it wasn't a panic or anxiety attack, but I just felt I wanted to be home and in bed. But things have sorted themselves out today - the walk/run this morning definitely helped and I'm feeling much better now.

Also positive thoughts - and there's nothing that turns me on more than a sexy guy in a pair of tanga briefs with a hardon inside. Definitely feeling better now!!!

Have wonderful weekend!

All Work No Play

2010-03-17T10:57:00.000-07:00

My new role as the family taxi driver is getting to be pretty tough. My day involves taking everyone in the morning and then picking them up again in the afternoon and evening and only when everyone else is safely home I can go back to work. I'm lucky that I have the flexibility to do that at work. But it's very, very tiring. The additional and much more worrying aspect to this new role is that it leaves me with no time for "extra curricular activities".

This leaves me very horny, a little frustrated and with no other option other than to sit and remember some of the men and situations I've found myself in during my much more slutty years!

One of the earliest I remember was the very first time I actually went back to someone's house for a fuck. I must have been about 17 at the time. I was on my way home (I can't remember where from) and had got off the train a few stops early to go to a sex shop which I had heard about and wanted to go visit. I wandered around until I found the shop and took a deep breath before going inside. The first thing you saw as you walked in was the array of restraints - handcuffs, chains and ropes and nooses etc... Then as you walked through a rather grubby black curtain, the dimly lit shop displayed dildos and vibrators and latex cocks in every imaginable shape, colour and size. Along another wall were hundreds of video covers (yes videos, not DVDs - it was a long time ago). On another wall was a clothes rail with various rubber, leather and latex clothes carefully arranged. In the far corner of the shop was a rack containing various gay porno magazines catering for every possible whim or desire.

There were another 3 or 4 men wandering around the shop with another couple of guys coming in and out. I walked over to the porno mag section and started thumbing through a few of them. Although I had some experience with men, it was still pretty early days for me and seeing these pictures of the beautiful naked men was incredibly exciting.

There was another guy also flicking through the magazines, each time I looked up I noticed that he was staring at me then looking back at his magazine. He was wearing a black bomber jacket, black jeans and Doc Marten boots. He was slightly shorter than me and balding but very masculine and good looking. I looked at him again and noticed him "adjusting" himself. In the dim light I could notice that he had quite a bulge in his jeans. That immediately made me hard too. The looking at each other and adjusting our cocks went on for a few minutes before he put down his magazine and walked towards the shop exit.

My eyes followed him as he walked out and just before the exit he stopped to look at the dildo display then turned around, made eye contact with me, adjusted himself and went for the exit. I began to walk towards the exit too ... he saw me coming as he walked through the curtain. I walked through too and he was standing there with a big smile his face - he immediately grabbed my cock over my jeans and just smiled. I smiled back nervously.

He began talking to me, just the regular small talk - asked what I'm doing in the area, what did I think of the stuff in the shop and then says if I'm busy. I said "no, I'm just on my way home" and he asks if I want to come back to his, he lives just around the corner. My mind immediately begins racing on the one hand I'm thinking yes, yes, yes but I'd never been to anyone's house before. Doing it in the car or in the park was a lot different. I said, sure I'll come back. We walked to his flat in a big block just 5 minutes walk from where we'd met. We go up the stairs and he opens the door and leads me into the lounge. Suddenly I was nervous - what if he was to kill me, who'd ever find me here? Who was this guy? What was I doing here? I needed to pee! He directed me to the toilet and I got myself together.

I went back to the lounge and found him sitting on an armchair wearing just a white t-shirt and a pair of tight black briefs. He immediately got down on his knees and pulled out my rock hard cock and began sucking on me, it felt great. I pulled him up and he lead me to the bedroom and lay down on his back. I climbed on the bed, my jeans still around my ankles. I began sucking on his cock too, fingering his arse at the same time. We were both very horny and there was a crazy animal attraction between us. Once his cock was nice and wet I began stroking his cock, I could tell it wouldn't be long before he came. I began stroking mine at the same time. I'm kneeling between his spread legs wanking both our cocks - flicking his balls with each stroke. Almost simultaneously we both shoot - my cum flying over his cock, stomach and smooth chest and then fall on a heap next to him on the bed.

As the feeling faded my nerves returned. Before he had a chance to say anything I stood up pulling my jeans up and said I didn't realise how late it was and I had to run and before he even had a chance to say anything I was dressed and out the door on my way back.

That was a long time ago, here I am now 20 years later sitting in my office late in the evening - all grown up and married - but still feeling just as horny as I did then. Reminiscing about days gone by, too busy and too tired to do anything about it - realising for the time being it really is all work and no play.

Getting Better Still

2010-03-11T05:03:00.000-08:00

All the new arrangements that we have had to make with the start of my wife's work are beginning to fall into place. It's not easy and it's a lot of running around (for me) most often as a taxi driver, but I'm definitely not complaining and the reason for all these changes is definitely worthwhile and something I'd been waiting a long time for.

I made my monthly visit today to my dietitian today and yes, more good news - I lost another 3 kilos. It's actually a bit less than I was hoping for but it's definitely going in the right direction which makes me very happy indeed. I'm going back again in a month and I really want to make an extra effort this month and lose more than I did this last month.

The dietitian also made a point of saying something about my positive attitude and how lucky my wife is that I'm so eager to improve myself and others and to make such a drastic change - I could do nothing but agree with her! I have always had a positive attitude to most things (bar my last post) and explained to her about when I was ill and how positive I am. She agreed with me about how having a positive attitude towards things can make such a big difference - be it dieting and food or chemotherapy and health.

Having read some of the comments that were posted yesterday I must agree with everyone. I need to enjoy the good times and not be worrying about the bad stuff. Having re-read my post yesterday, I think I sounded a little ungrateful. I now realise that we should be happy with the good times and enjoy them and not just wait for the bad stuff to happen! Thank you all for the encouragement and kind words!

The weather is still very hot, we're having a mini-heatwave at the moment so with temperatures in the region of 35 degrees - nothing could be better. Other than lying on a beach naked next to the man you love. But seeing as that isn't possible (and for those that read this blog and have been naked on the beach with me - I still care a lot for you!!!) just dreaming about it is a very good step forward!

The weekend is looming and I don't have any plans. Basically a large part of it is going to be spent working and catching up on hours missed with all my running around this week. But like I said at the beginning, it's definitely worth it!

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend. Lots of happiness and good luck!

Optimistic Pessimism (or Pessimistic Optimism)

2010-03-10T04:03:00.000-08:00

I'm normally quite an optimist, but in every optimistic thought there is almost always a pessimistic side to things. At the moment things are pretty good. My wife is working and seems to be enjoying herself, she's working with nice people, doing something I'm sure she'll be very good and using her brain for other things other than irritating nonsense. So obviously I'm very happy.

I went to the hospital to get the results of my recent check-ups and everything is good - the results were fine. I had taken the whole day off work, so enjoyed the little bit of time I had to myself.

Although not ideal, the way things are working with getting everyone to work in the morning and getting them home again in the evening and nursery runs and play-mates in between seems to be working OK.

So all-in-all things are pretty good and obviously very optimistic that things will continue this way. But my "problem" is for how long will things continue like this? All good things must come to an end at some point. I like to be prepared, should I prepare myself for the inevitable fall or should I just ride the wave and when the fall comes deal with it then?

I guess I'm pretty crazy for even thinking about such things. I'm trying as much as possible to enjoy the good times and not think about what may happen in the future and if and when it does happen, to just deal with it then. Perhaps I'm not as optimistic as I like to think I am.

The weather is getting hotter and hotter, which is something I love. I know it happens to a lot of guys but the warmer the weather gets it seems the hornier I get too. Flirty office guy is looking particularly sexy at the moment and I would love to put my hands under his shirt to show him how warm my hands are. I've found myself looking a few times at the Picassa pics of his honeymoon that he sent me - where he's wearing nothing more than a swimming shorts!!!

Wishing you all a wonderful day and hope you are all as happy as I'm feeling at the moment.

The Importance of Being Employed

2010-03-07T03:53:00.000-08:00

Well I'm hoping that today is the start of a whole new change of direction for me and my family. My wife started her new job today. I really hope for her (and me) that this works out well. She's had pretty bad luck with lots of jobs that she's held. She's had some really crazy bosses. So far, this new company seems good. The people she says, so far, are nice and she's doing what she's been trained to do and I'm sure she'll be good at it.

The implications for us as a family now that my wife is working are immense. Obviously, the financial side of things is great. We've been in a lot of financial shit for such a long time, it will be great to have an extra income in the family. But in my opinion that is just a small part of the importance of working. She is, at long last (it's been more than a year since she walked out on her last job), using her brain again. Hopefully, not worrying about stupid little things because of a lack of interest in other things and she will be dealing with more important and more interesting issues.

Working adds structure to your life - whether you like it or not. It gives you the opportunity to know that you must get up in the morning get dressed and to be doing something useful (although sometimes boring) with yourself and your life.

Also, the social aspect of working is no less important. Working with like-minded people, with similar qualifications, meeting new and possibly interesting people too. Hopefully though, nobody as interesting as Flirty office guy. He came into the office over the weekend and he called me on to see if I was coming in too. Of course I was. I even left earlier than I had planned to and in a completely opposite direction so that I could give him a lift home too. At so many points along the 20-30 minute journey I wanted so move my hand over and put it on his leg...but I didn't. He invited me to go to his place (I think his wife was in) or we could have gone out for "ice cream" but I declined.

The (imaginary) chase goes on. Maybe we'll be together one day. Maybe we're just friends. In the meantime we're definitely friends and I'm happy with that too. I think Flirty office guy is a genuinely really nice guy.

But I still wouldn't say no to getting to know him a little better. Who knows???

Looking Up

2010-03-04T04:01:00.000-08:00

Things are still very quiet at the moment I'm just working away, as usual but I've got quite a lot done recently and once I get past the next week or so the pressure should be right off me and I can get back to doing what I enjoy doing most when I'm in the office .... surfing for porn and playing online games of course!!!

Mr Crazy spoke to my wife today and seems convinced that he can return our "friendship" back to what it was before. He was even trying to persuade her to get me to go back to teaching his son - which isn't something I want to do. News on the job front is looking very positive - although the company hasn't given her a definite yes, they have told her that if the graphologist report is OK (and they are not foreseeing any specific problems) then she should be starting to work as soon as next week - which will be excellent. It will improve our lives in so many ways having an extra income and although financially we're in quite a lot of shit, it will definitely help us to start sorting ourselves out.

Diet is going OK too - I'm definitely feeling less bloated and I am being very good with my food intake and doing regular exercise. I am back at the dietitian next week - so hope to have good results there too.

Now that I'm documenting my life, it's strange how I can see the ups and down so much clearer. As I hope is obvious from what I'm writing, there is definitely a very optimistic air to my posts - I definitely hope this continues!

I've had quite a lot of M2M sex in my time, as much as I don't particularly like doing it, many of the encounters have been one-off meetings that have lead to nothing. What's weird is that some of these meetings are forgotten five minutes after they've finished (sometimes less) yet others stick with you forever. Probably 2-3 years ago I met a guy, he was a very average-looking, ginger-haired guy. The meeting with him always stuck in my mind for the reason that despite looking so Mr Average, when I undressed him, he had probably one of the biggest cocks I had ever seen. It was truly gargantuan and he was very passive and enjoyed being fucked - it happened and neither of us expected it to. Always fun when that happens! I hadn't heard from him since then - yesterday he contacted me and was interested in meeting again. We chatted a bit and he seems a really nice guy - we didn't meet but he said that he would like to. I wonder if he was just in a moment of horniness or whether he'll contact me again.

I noticed there are a few new followers to this blog - so welcome to you. Thanks for all those who leave messages and have a great weekend everyone.

The Crazies .... Continued

2010-03-02T04:40:00.000-08:00

Well everything with the crazies has been pretty quiet. An extra factor to the story which I hadn't mentioned was that I used to teach their son. It was just private tutoring once a week - but enjoyed the money I got from it. I take my responsibilities very seriously and think I was actually a pretty good teacher.

Well, Mr Crazy called yesterday evening to ask if I could teach tomorrow. I haven't taught him since this entire episode blew up. As you can imagine, the situation is still very uncomfortable for everyone. I agreed to teach to but really didn't want to. My wife didn't want me to do it either. But it was really bugging me! This morning I thought, fuck it. I phoned Mr Crazy and cancelled the teaching. I told him it was just too uncomfortable and I didn't feel right coming to their house and being there. I think he was pretty shocked - definitely not expecting it.

He tried again apologising for his wife's behaviour (never a word about his own behaviour) basically saying that his wife was "mad" and is "seeking help". But that didn't work so then he tried to say that his son would suffer as a result of my "resignation". Bollocks to that! I felt a bit bad for the sake of his son, but just don't want to be near them. I think because of his controlling nature he would just manage to take control of everything and get everything back to normal. He doesn't seem to realise that just isn't going to happen!

I felt a bit stupid yesterday when he called me, as though I was being steam-rollered into doing something I didn't want to do. He often saw me as the "quiet one". I should have been more assertive with him on the spot and just said no. It took me until this morning to build up the assertiveness/courage to do what needed to be done. It's a great feeling taking control and doing what makes you feel good. I shall make a note and try and do it more often.

In other news, wife's interview yesterday was also very encouraging. She now needs to pass a graphologist and if that's OK it looks like the job is hers! I'm trying not to build up too many expectations before she gets an official offer - but things are beginning to look up! I will keep you posted.

Have a great day!

Back and Boring

2010-02-28T22:40:00.000-08:00

I apologise for not writing for a few days but haven't been in the office much and when I was have actually been quite busy. Saying that, not much has really changed. I guess this post is just a catch up on things that have been happening the last few days.

Met Mrs Crazy on Friday picking my daughter up from the nursery. Since everything happened it was the first time I had seen her. She wasn't able to make eye contact and it was all quite uncomfortable. I still said hello to her. I stayed in the nursery with my daughter a little longer giving Mrs Crazy a chance to go ahead and get away. However, I get outside and the stupid woman is waiting. She said her daughter wanted to wait for my daughter so they could walk together (we both live near the nursery and of course, near each other). The girls went ahead and I walked with her in complete silence. Both of us pretending to be busy with our mobile phones. Very uncomfortable.

My wife's interview last week was successful (so far) and she has been called back for a second interview today with the MD of the company - this is very good! Obviously, she is stressing about it and taking her stress and tension out on me. The entire weekend I was home (didn't step foot outside the house) and she wanted me to help her prepare for the interview. Every time I offered to help she "couldn't be bothered" or was "too tired". Yesterday I went out for 3 hours to visit family and when I came home (at 1900) she was pissed off with me because just when I went out that was the exact time that she wanted to sit and prepare for the interview! How typical and how annoying! So when I pointed out it was still on 1900 and we could do it right then, she was again "too tired" and "like everything else will do it on her own!" Fucking women!

As part of my new health kick I went last week for a trial Spinning lesson. A guy I work with told me about it, his wife is the instructor. So I went along. I had told a few people at work who laughed a lot and didn't think I would manage more than 30 minutes. It was really, REALLY tough but I totally enjoyed it. I managed to get through the entire lesson (I'm a lot of things but not a quitter)! Only now my body is beginning not to hurt so much, but it was great fun and hopefully will be doing a few more lessons - it was an excellent work out. I only found out after the lesson but I had been in an advanced spinning - just to add to it. But I'm really pleased I did it and my friends at work were very surprised at how successful I'd actually been.

Basically that's my life summed-up in just a few lines - back and boring as ever! But thanks for reading!

The Crazies!

2010-02-23T06:45:00.000-08:00

Well yesterdays saga that I wrote about is still continuing. I had the husband on the phone to me apologising and basically saying he knows his wife is a psycho and he's forcing her to get treatment. Then I had the wife emailing me she started by asking me "are you not talking to me either?". She then asked if she can tell me her side of the story so I said OK and she sent me a rambling bloody email.

I absolutely hate these uncomfortable situations. So I wrote back, perhaps it was a mistake and just said that I saw my wife's and her husband's behaviour and it's just a matter of how we interpret it. I then told her that as far as I'm concerned the matter is closed, what's been said can't be changed and that's it. She then wanted me to tell her what I meant about their behaviour - but I chose to ignore that mail. Jeez the woman is a mental case and just doesn't know when to shut the fuck up!

It will be interesting to see where it will lead...but basically my wife and I have decided to distance ourselves from them as much as possible - to be "correct" with them for the sake of our daughters and nothing more.

On a lighter note was working again with Flirty office guy - again lots of arm touching and legs touching. He kept trying to "annoy" me by blowing on my face (giving me a hardon) and at one point he even grabbed my "breast" - that was quite fun too. But still nothing further than general, harmless flirting. Before we started working he showed me an album of his on Picassa(?) from his honeymoon - lots of pictures of him on the beach in just underwear/swimming costume. Hmmmm was very nice to look at.

Not around tomorrow as I'm off to have my 3 monthly scan. I'm sure everything will be fine.

Have fun!

Beware of the Quiet Ones...

2010-02-22T07:47:00.000-08:00

I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago called Some See Straight in Me a few weeks ago and there has been an interesting twist to the story.

I have mentioned in my blog entries a few times that women are, to put it mildly, fucking mental and further proof of that assumption was shown yesterday. Now the lady in the story is a bit of a sad lady. She has a very controlling husband, she is bullied at work and was no doubt bullied throughout her entire school-life. She has very little, if any personality and is quite clearly pretty envious of any woman who has more freedom than her and more personality than her. They often say you need to be careful of the quiet ones ....

My wife, on the other hand, is pretty loud and outgoing. Much of the time when we were together as couples my wife (who has quite a dominant personality) would have lots of ping-pong jokey arguments with her husband. He clearly isn't used to a woman who will answer him back and has independent thoughts of her own. Their behaviour was sometimes a little flirtatious together - although (at least on my wife's part) was innocent.

Yesterday, to cut a long story short, she basically accused my wife of having an affair with her husband! Yes, the same woman who told me she was in love with me and wanted to have an affair with me!!! Obviously, my wife was really pissed-off by this accusation (and from experience - it's never a good idea to piss my wife off). My wife knows nothing of the emails that this woman sent to me. She and my wife had a "discussion" (this woman void of personality stands no chance against my wife in an argument). I do think my wife was perhaps a little flirtatious - but that is her personality. I don't think that anything went on between them. The woman's husband, although very intelligent, is (in my opinion) a bit of a dickhead and I don't know how honourable his intentions were towards my wife.

Obviously, my wife phoned him and told him and now he's embarrassed from us and furious with his wife. I have a feeling that she isn't going to get away with this easily. This is apparently not the first time his wife has accused someone of having an affair with him (this is the 3rd or 4th time). Often the quiet ones need to be watched!

It's a horrible situation to be in. A couple we've known for hardly 1½ years has put me separately, my wife and us as a couple in situations we have no desire to be part of. They seemed, when we first met them, as a relatively normal couple. We had no idea what kind of deranged psychos they both are. My wife and I have both agreed to distance ourselves as much as possible from them. This is complicated by the fact that both our daughters are best, best friends.

I told my wife that her behaviour must be adapted according to the situation and the people she is with. My wife can be loud, funny and flirty. She often tells me "that's who I am" but I tried to explain to her that it's cool for her to behave "as she is" but she must understand that not everybody appreciates that kind of behaviour and what is perceived by one person as funny or flirty can be perceived by others as something else.

I hate these situations because of the discomfort everyone feels. It will be interesting to see how this turns out. She may be quiet - but she manages to cause a lot of noise around her!

Patience and Perseverance

2010-02-19T06:59:00.000-08:00

I just want to start by thanking everyone who has replied to my posts or has recently begun following my blog. I never thought when I started writing this blog I would get so into doing it. I had often thought about writing but never thought I actually would.

I remember a friend of mine recommending it and thought what the hell and immediately opened up a profile to begin blogging. I assumed I'd make a post once every now and again to remember something fun. But it's turned into a lot more than that. Discovering other blogs similar to mine, men in similar situations, sharing thoughts with others, knowing other people all round the world are reading my posts (and me reading theirs) - it's all been fun and I'm enjoying it. I don't want it to become a chore and if that happens I guess I'll stop - but in the meantime...

It's been a strange week. On the whole it's been a good week. The feedback my wife has received from her meeting has been very positive. We are hoping for an official answer some time next week. Obviously, I'm hoping for a positive outcome simply because of the difference it will make to our lives. With regard to my request for promotion - so far nothing has happened. The position hasn't been officially advertised yet and it's apparently going to be a few months before it will be, but I'm not too confident that the job will be mine. I just need to sit tight and wait and see. I'm still looking for a new job - outside my company - but since I already have a job I can afford to be picky until something worthwhile comes alone. Like with everything else in life, it's just a matter of patience and perseverance and hopefully the outcome is always positive.

Was working yesterday with Flirty office guy again. There was a lot of arm touching and I'm sure he tried several times to find the right opportunity to put his head on my shoulder. At the same time as his regular overtly gay sexual innuendos he also makes a point of saying how much he is attracted to Cheryl Cole but surely it's just diversion tactics. Who knows? I also think she's attractive (until she opens her mouth!). I just find myself getting more and more confused with him. Again, patience and perseverance.

Moving Along

2010-02-17T03:30:00.000-08:00

Things are very quiet at the moment. I'm sure it happens to everyone but my blogging was become a little erratic lately. I'm not sure if that's a sign that my life is good (I tend to blog much more when I'm angry and pissed off) or just whether my life is boring.

I have actually have a lot of work at the moment - so also haven't had much time to sit down and concentrate on what I'm going to write about.

I know there are some people who sit down and plan what they are going to write before blogging. I'm more of a putting pen to paper (or fingertips to keyboard) writer and just write and think at the same time.

Flirty office guy is still looking good - keep thinking a lot about him putting his head on my shoulder and then my head on his head. It would be a lot of fun doing that in bed with him!!! Things at home are going OK. My wife has an important meeting today which may hopefully lead to some good things - we really need it!

I still haven't heard anything about the job I asked for. I'm feeling the chances of me getting it are very, VERY slim - but who knows. In the meantime I'm looking around for something else - but I'm not prepared to leave where I am now unless it's for something very worthwhile!

Thanks again to all those who read and reply to my posts. I know I tend to ramble about nothing sometimes (today!!!) but I think about blogging all the time and thoughts are definitely what count.

Flirty Office Guy

2010-02-14T09:01:00.000-08:00

I have spent a large part of today working with Flirty office guy and the sexual tension between us is palpable. There is just so much homo-eroticism between us it's crazy. He was sitting at my desk and we were sitting very closely. I even "bumped into him" in the toilets and stood next to him at the urinal - I tried desperately to sneak a peek - but couldn't see anything.

There is another guy in the company, also married and super-duper intelligent who for some unknown reason I have always suspected him of showing an interest in his own sex walked past my office and said how "cute" we looked working together. We were not in my room alone so there was definitely nothing "funny" going on between us at the time. Maybe it's something that only certain people can see.

The Evidence:

At a couple of points during the day while we were working together - he said he was tired and put his head on my shoulder (one of the times he did that, I put my head on his too ahhhhh!).
He was really happy with the work I was doing for him and jokingly he said "You're doing it so good, I could kiss you!"
Since we were both working on the same keyboard, there was lots of arm touching going on between us.
There was also the usual array of mentions of cock-sucking, cocks, dicks and blow jobs!

Still it could be all good humoured "schoolboy" fun. I really don't know. Perhaps I'm reading too much into someone just feeling very comfortable around me. Maybe I am looking and trying to find things that don't exist.

I know I've blogged about this before and I'm sure everyone is pretty sick of hearing about it. I have visions of anyone who actually reads the blog, rolling his eyes and saying to himself "just grab his cock and get the first move out of the way!"

I am definitely finding myself more attracted to him. He's shorter than me, slim, bald head, wears glasses and very fair skin. He has delicately blond-haired arms. He works out quite a bit and I'm sure under his clothes has a very attractive body. I noticed he touches himself quite a lot (perhaps a sign of a big cock?) and his behind always looks very cute in his jeans!

On to other business, the diet is still going well. I'm a bit worried that I'm starting to smoke too much. Since I was ill I had stopped smoking altogether and a few months ago was feeling really pissed off one day and had 1 cigarette. Then another a few weeks later. Then another the same week. I'm still at the stage where I'm asking someone else for cigarettes and not buying them. I'm finding myself thinking about cigarettes more and more. But the need to smoke is slowly creeping back. I must be strong!!! I still seem to have the food pretty much under control and as things have calmed down back to a more normal level at home, I'm also feeling a little bit calmer.

My wife and I didn't talk for about a week and a half, so it's weird now that we are catching up all the things we had been dying to tell each other since our initial argument. In a weird sort of way I'm sure we are destined to be together forever. Like with Flirty office guy - some things need to be taken slowly sometimes with a good outcome and sometimes not - but one thing is for sure, we just have to sit back and enjoy the ride and deal with whatever comes our way.

Excitement

2010-02-11T05:45:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling very positive today. Woke up this morning early and did what I have to do so that I could go for a walk before going to the dietitian. Had been thinking a lot about it and was determined to make one last effort before the big weigh-in. I actually enjoy walking, putting some music on and just walking and walking. It's just the initial getting dressed and getting outside. Once I'm outside I enjoy the chance to some time to myself. I guess I walked in an hour about 4-5 kilometers which is pretty good (perhaps a bit more). Came back feeling really good.

I arrived at the dietitian's office early and waited until she called me. She's is a very happy, bubbly person and we talked about some other issues and then I got on the scales. I had already made sure I was wearing light clothes and removed everything from my pockets - keys, phone, wallet. It's one of those old-fashioned scales where she slides the weight along a metal pole (not too sure how to describe it). I watched her sliding the weight along and was super-surprised to see I'd lost 5 kilos!!! I was so happy - I had worked hard (although I could have worked harder maybe) but it was definitely a result!

Because of other things going on, I sat and chatted with her for about 30 minutes. It was quite amazing how well she could understand the mind of a person with an eating disorder (not me) and she was just so helpful and willing to do whatever she could. She even realised how much I needed the talk myself and I'm not sure how I'm going to go about it offering it, but she gave me advice that I need to offer to someone else. Her desire to help was just incredible.

So it was a mega-incentive for me to carry on with the diet and work harder to achieve better results for my next visit in a month's time. The dietitian told me that I don't really need her, but I explained that I need to know that even if it's only once a month, that I'm under some kind of supervision so I will continue to work hard and get to a more healthy weight. I think without the supervision I will get bored and give up.

On an even lighter note - spent some time today working with Flirty office guy. He's quite fit and goes rowing a lot in the sea. He told me how the last time he rowed - it was very cold and when he got out of the water his balls had shrunk to almost invisible. There was also a lot of sexual innuendo coming from him. We were working in a room full of people so I'm not sure if he's just joking because if he wasn't, there was no way either of us could have actually done anything - even if we'd had the courage to do something.

This has definitely given me a good start to the weekend.

Success or Fail?

2010-02-10T06:42:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow will be exactly three weeks since my ...and I'm Feeling Good post. For those of you who don't have the time or paitence to read it, in brief, it'll be three weeks since I first went to see the dietitian about losing weight. Her advice was pretty sensible and although it took me a while to get into the swing of changing my eating habits - both in terms of what I eat and how much I eat - I think I'm doing pretty good. Tomorrow I will be weighed to find out if it's helping. She had said that she would have liked me to lose around 1.5 - 2 kilos. I'm hoping that it will be more.

So I'm doing OK with the food but not doing nearly enough exercise. I guess it's a mixture of laziness, tiredness and winter. But I have been out for some power walks - but definitely need to be doing it around 3 - 4 times a week - which I'm not doing.

I'm really hoping I have reached, if not, exceeded the dietitian's expectations. It will give me a boost that I desperately need at the moment. Summer is looming and we spend a lot of time at the swimming pool or beach and although I know I won't be perfect, I would definitely like to feel a little better about myself.

Things are slowly thawing at home. It's going to be a long process - we have never gone so long with being mad at each other, but being the eternal optimist that I am - things can only get better (they certainly can't be any worse).

Earlier today at work Flirty office guy came into my office (the people I share a room with are away) and he asks if I want to come with him to take a pee? Not too sure how to react, I said sure but only if I can hold yours! Then he went off by himself. What the hell am I supposed to make of a question like that? Just a joke? Something more?

Compared to a couple of weeks ago, my levels or horniness are pretty low at the moment - I think it's because of the mood I've been in - but I've no doubt it will pick up soon. Especially if there are good results tomorrow I'll want to celebrate. I just hope the diet and the relatively hard work I'm doing is a success and not a failure.

Wish me luck!

Don't Misunderstand

2010-02-09T03:52:00.000-08:00

I'm often under the misunderstanding that my posts need to be long, rambling literary works. I guess like most people there are days which are just very quiet and I have very little to say. That doesn't mean that I'm neglecting the blog or giving up, but I have decided it's better some days not to write anything than to write shite.

The last couple of days have been just like that. I've not been in a very good mood and I'm pretty down. Although I put on a great face. Following the big argument with my wife last week - we're still not speaking and basically because of lots of other things around - I can't even be bothered to make up with her. My constant thinking about my situation (don't get me wrong - I'm not looking for sympathy) has left me drained and without any kind of desire to do anything else.

A good friend told me that not resolving arguments leaves you full of resentment - and he's absolutely right. But that's what has happened and how much resentment can one person take before it boils over to something more? I don't know. But I definitely feel I'm getting to the point where I stop caring. It's a horrible situation to be in.

I guess things will resolve themselves one way or the other. But that's why my blog posts have been a bit patchy recently. But I'm still enjoying having this outlet to vent and rant. I hope I sometimes make you smile too.

Thanks all for listening and even commenting.

Working Fun

2010-02-07T01:57:00.000-08:00

Well Thursday was very interesting. If I wasn't confused before about Flirty office guy - I am now!! He needed my help with something he was doing and I was only too happy to help!

He sat at my desk and there was quite a bit of "leg touching" - his leg touching my leg - even to the point that we joked about it. There was lots of "gay talk" and lots of joking - him telling me to suck his cock - me offering to do it. But still things got weirder. After about working for a while I had to go to the toilet to pee. Expecting him to say sure, I'll wait here, he says OK, me too, I'll come with you.

So there we are standing next to each other at the urinals (unfortunately there's a partition between them) we continue talking. It made me very horny to know that he was standing a few centimeters from me holding his dick. I finished first and as I walked behind him, I tried desperate to sneak a look - but in those few milliseconds of opportunity, I didn't get the angles and trajectories right and didn't see anything - and trust me - I tried hard!

We carried on working and finished what we had to do. Maybe from the nerves or excitement I needed to pee again after about half-an-hour. Just as I'm finishing Flirty office guy comes in to the toilet again. This time as I finish I stand behind him and rock him from side to side as a joke - as if to make him pee on the wall. He just laughed. Then while I washed my hands we continued talking. I asked him if he needs a hand. He says sure you can help me hold it ... I thought what the hell and started to walk towards him with my hand held out. He laughed again and said "oh my god, fuck off" or something similar.

The whole thing was very weird. Again, maybe coincidence - maybe not.

Other than that, things are quiet. I still believe women are mad though. Had a quiet weekend on my own as my wife went to visit her mother and I was home alone. I didn't have the energy to "enjoy" myself as it was cold and rainy. Maybe men are mad too.

Women!

2010-02-03T07:08:00.000-08:00

I have heard on so many levels jokes about it being impossible to understand a woman and I have now reached the decision that these are in fact not jokes, but it's something that's totally true. It is impossible to understand a woman or what they are thinking or how they might react to a certain situation.

I'm in a horrible mood today. I had a big row with my wife this morning and the worst part of it is that I don't even know what we argued about! Rows and arguments can be classified into simple disagreements to all out war. Today was definitely at the bad end of the scale.

Why is it that some women just seem to either wake up angry or will go out of their way to be difficult and argumentative? I know that men can't always be easy - but in my opinion they are so much more easy going than women.

Our argument happened first thing this morning and it's completely screwed me up for the whole day. I can't concentrate and have no motivation to do anything. Sure everybody argues but I have reached the stage that I never know what's best. Although I don't do as I'm told - I was always told never to hold things inside but to say what you have to say. So what is best - to say what you have to say - have a huge row and be upset the whole day or to hold it in feeling very frustrated and be upset the whole day???

I can't deny there's an entire secret side to my life that my wife doesn't know about - but on the whole I'm a good husband and I never let the two sides of my life collide. My wife has friends/acquaintances who are beaten black and blue by their husbands. Friends whose husbands will happily get their wives pregnant and make it perfectly clear to them that they won't help with the care of the children. Friends who are controlled in every way by their husbands in terms of what they wear and how much money they are allowed to spend and friends whose husbands spend more time getting drunk and stoned with their friends than they do being at home!

I don't drink or gamble, I work hard, I do the best I can to provide for my family. I'm not violent or aggressive, I certainly don't control her in any way and I'm very supportive. But still that never seems to be enough.

I'm not trying to justify the way I live my life or make excuses for what I do, but sometimes just a kind word or a hug or nice gesture can make such a difference. It's possibly that which is lacking in my life that makes my desire to be with a man so strong. If I can't find what I need at home, I will simply look for it elsewhere. I don't know.

I've put on a brave face at work all day - I don't mix what goes on at home with what goes on outside the home, so having this blog is a nice way to vent what I've been feeling all day.

Wishing you all a better day than I had and I wait and see what this evening...tomorrow will bring.

I would happily accept a hug today from any of these guys.

Flirting

2010-02-02T05:40:00.000-08:00

Flirty office guy is back in the office from his trip. I'm quite sure I'm not imagining it but there seems to be so much sexual tension/chemistry between us, it's quite wild. I'm almost positive it's there and not just something I keep thinking is there, but isn't. A lot of the "running" seems to come from him too. He sends me messages on Skype, visits me in my office etc... Don't misunderstand, I also initiate some of the contact, but definitely not all.

He is incredibly sexy - he's thin and has a cute little behind. Would love to see what he looks like naked. Just given the chance I'd make sure it was something he wouldn't forget!

Some of our Skype conversations have been particularly sexual - but I still can't tell if it's just joking around or whether there is something deeper. Even when messing about I don't know whether a guy would tell another guy that he has sensitive nipples hahaha!

Anyway, I'm totally horny - and having spoken to a good friend of mine earlier today, he managed to make me even hornier. His explicit descriptions of what we're going to do together next time we meet didn't help at all. I hope it's soon - he's a great guy incredibly sexy with a great body. Guess I just have to be patient.

Other than that, things are pretty quiet here. I've joined Twitter - but still trying to work out how it all works, if I think it's good I'll add a link here. The tablets are still working nicely and I'm sleeping much better than I was and I'm so much calmer and patient - which was the purpose of me taking the tablets. But I still realise that until other things in my life change, the pressure is still there but I just seem to be dealing with it better.

As for the pictures, there is nothing (in my opinion) nicer than a guy in briefs - other than perhaps a guy not in his briefs! These are model pics but still nice to look at.

Some See Straight in Me

2010-02-01T02:26:00.000-08:00

It all began about 1½ years ago. Through my daughter's nursery we met a couple whose daughter quickly became best friends with my daughter. He was currently studying for his doctorate and she was in an office job. I'm not a snob, but they weren't really my cup of tea - I'm not too sure why, but they were pleasant enough and the kids got along great.

They were perhaps a little too over-friendly - it was as though the husband had decided that no matter what, we would be their friends. It later became obvious that the husband was very controlling and pretty much decided everything that went on in their house. Often at weekends they would phone us to see if we wanted to join them - sometimes we said yes, other times we didn't.

The wife was particularly timid. I think she'd had quite a difficult life, always saying how much she'd hated being at school. She was bullied at work. She had a controlling husband. She didn't even have much of a personality but was basically harmless. She often confided in my wife at how her husband was sometimes very mean to her and made all the decisions about their lives.

Basically we all began to get along very nicely, it was all very correct and easy-going. We had all exchanged emails and the wife would send me the viral internet jokes she received or send me a mail to say she ask if I'd had a nice weekend and other pleasantries.

One day about 7 or 8 months ago she sent me a mail asking about my weekend. I don't really have much patience for her so replied pretty briefly that it was nice (or something similar) but I could see that she wasn't giving up. She sent me another mail almost immediately saying I hadn't answered all her questions. I replied back saying I had just been a little busy and distracted at work.

She continued, and again sends me another mail which just said something along the lines of "Can I talk to you seriously for a minute?". I wasn't really left with much choice so I said, "yeah, sure!" Within 2 minutes she'd replied with this rambling mail that she can no longer control her feelings and she's going with her heart and not her head (yadda yadda yadda) and that she's in love with me!!

I was a little shocked (to say the least). As some of my other posts on this blog may show - I'm not really into women any more than the one I have at home (and believe me that's more than enough). No matter how much I were to try, I couldn't fancy this women if she was pickled! I suddenly realised this poor, timid woman was throwing herself at me offering me the chance to have an affair with her and it was suddenly something very "grown up".

I immediately replied that I found it very flattering (how gay!) but I wasn't in the least bit interested and as far as I'm concerned this whole issue is closed and I don't want to mention it again. She replied something like she had no intentions of hurting her husband or my wife (yeah, right!) and she thanked me for my honesty.

A day or two later I saw her but I just carried on as though nothing had happened - she was unable to make eye contact with me. After that, the whole thing went quiet for a couple of weeks when I received another email from her and again with her "following her heart" crap and she was sure she had seen "a sign" or a glimmer of hope that I was interested. I was left with no choice but to reiterate that I wasn't interested.

I guess you gotta give her credit for trying, but I just wasn't interested. Obviously I never mentioned any of this to my wife but there's still a great deal of discomfort when we're around each other. Almost as though she's undressing me with her eyes hahahahaha! Luckily I don't think she's a bunny boiler nor do I expect one night to go to bed to find a horse's head lying next to me. But personally, I think I handled the situation pretty well and in a grown up way.

I suppose I'm not as gay as I thought I was and I still manage to pull off the straight thing when needed.

I'm not sure why I wrote this post today - but it was interesting seeing it in writing!

Nothing Changes

2010-01-31T03:56:00.000-08:00

I'd been talking to a guy for a couple of weeks on MSN. A friend of mine and I were trying to set up a threesome and we got in touch with this guy. For the time being the threesome hasn't worked out due to all three of us working at different times, in different places and being generally unavailable (and two of us being married makes it a little harder too). Thursday afternoon I'm chatting with this guy and he's very eager to meet.

What the hell? It was quite late in the day around 1745 and he says he's on his way to where I work. I wait for him where I say I'll wait and he turns up just on time. I get into his car. He's early 50s, well maintained, bald with a broad smile. The first thing he asked me was whether I know of a quiet place to go. I told him just to drive and we'd see what we could find. Quite quickly we got over the initial embarrassment of what to ask and what to talk about. Within a few minutes while still driving around, he had his hand on my leg, gently stroking it and then rubbing my crotch area. I immediately reciprocated.

We drove around a little longer and eventually he found a quiet place where we could "be alone". He turned off the engine and looked at me and we began kissing. He was very passionate and was obviously very pleased to be with me.

I enjoyed playing with his nipples and he seemed to enjoy it too. I began opening his trousers and he immediately undid them and pulled both his trousers and black briefs down to his ankles. I leaned over the handbrake (the bruise will soon disappear) and immediately took his cock in my mouth. He enjoyed being sucked - he said he was almost always a top, but I have no doubt with a little bit of encouragement he can be persuaded to do anything (my kinda guy). His cock was rock hard as we began kissing more - lots of hands all over the place sucking him, licking his soft, shaved balls too. Before long his panting was becoming faster and deeper. At this stage he was jerking himself fast while we were kissing then suddenly he calls out "I'm cumming!" I sat back and watched him shoot his load over himself. His face said it all and it was clear it had been a couple of days, at least, since he'd last cum. He then looked me in the eye and said it was my turn.

I pulled down my trousers and underwear and began stroking - I was horny as hell and had been for a few weeks. My cock was hard - but didn't want to cum over myself in the car (I had to get back to work). We both step out of the car and he stands next to me - more kissing, he's playing with arse and then one deep gasp and I'm shooting like rocket. He's a little shocked at how much but I needed it real bad.

We get back in the car and head back to our regular lives.

It wasn't the greatest but as the saying goes "needs must!" I hope to be including him in a threesome real soon. Details to follow.

It had definitely been a while since my last contact with a guy. But as always, nothing changes!

He's Back...

2010-01-27T05:41:00.000-08:00

Flirty office guy returned to the office today. He's looking very good after his skiing trip.

Unfortunately all my plans were a bit of an anti-climax. He came into my office this morning to say hello but he was with someone else and there were people in my office - so I couldn't even give him the hug I had been planning - it was just a little hug. But in my current and constant state of horniness - a hug is a hug and a hug is contact - so I take what I can get!!!

He brought in chocolates today - it's a tradition in our company that whoever goes abroad always brings back chocolates. I had a couple - but keep forgetting that I'm on a diet now so have to be careful unfortunately - particularly because he brought the good stuff and because it's his - and I'm happy to put anything of his in my mouth!

One thing I love doing with a man is kissing. Feeling the lips of another man on your own lips is the sweetest and softest feelings possible. I hope I get to kiss Flirty office guy soon. If not, maybe someone else out there wants to kiss me?

Other than that - things are pretty quiet. Too quiet. I need some M2M contact - haven't had any for a long time now. It's strange but it's something that I really miss when I don't have it - as though something is missing from me. Just a hug or a kiss and I feel better.

Have a wonderful day!

Allsorts

2010-01-26T08:49:00.000-08:00

Although I'm aware that some of my posts are a little repetitious and even boring I do spend a fair bit of time thinking about what I'm going to write. I write for a living so it's always very important for me to write (to my own standards of course) clearly and correctly.

I also probably spend way too much of my day reading lots (and lots) of other blogs. Since I'm still new to blogging I still find it all quite exciting/interesting to having a look into the minds and lives of other men. Whether it be the teenage school kids coming to terms with their sexuality, the confused, single, college guys that want to change the way they feel about men all the way through to the hardcore bareback fuckers and of course the married guys and their double-lives or confused lives.

I'm totally one for live and let live. Everyone should live the best way they can and I'm sure I've said it before everyone should be happy. I can't deny that sometimes I am quite shocked by the way other people live (despite what a lot of people will say - my life is pretty straightforward - to me, at least) sometimes even a little scared at how reckless or carefree people can be. But if it makes them happy then I say go for it.

My last post and some of the comments I've left on other blogs have raised a few eyebrows (to say the least). I have not intended in any way to be judgmental or controversial and if anyone has taken what I've written the wrong way then I apologise. I do think that a lot of people, me included, sometimes perhaps take unnecessary risks and do things that other's wouldn't do.

I have been told that the way I live my life is "dangerous" and at some point I will be "caught" or "found out". I'm not so sure that I agree. I have always said that I am very disciplined when it comes to my gay lifestyle and I really mean it. I have turned down many possible great opportunities because I have not been prepared to risk what I have. No matter what situation I may be in, whether having a naked gay massage, visiting a gay sauna or fucking a guy behind a tree in a public park, I am always aware of where I am, what I'm doing and who I'm doing it with. Obviously, nothing and nobody is certain but as long as you're careful and sensible - even when you're horny and your dick is rock hard, I think I can live my life fully.

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On a brighter note, Flirty office guy is back from his holidays tomorrow - I shall put on extra aftershave and I'm expecting a big hug from him when we get in the office tomorrow.

A Quiet Day

2010-01-25T02:15:00.000-08:00

Sometimes my life is just way too boring. Perhaps I'm not that different to everyone else after all. My life in general consists of getting up in the morning (like most other people) going to work and sitting in an office all day long (sounds familiar?) and then coming home again in the evening, having something to eat and going to bed. Then going through the whole routine again the next day and the next day.

Despite this repetitious lifestyle I have something which I guess a lot of other guys don't have and that's my gay side. My channel, my escape, my release mechanism to have fun to speak to some great guys even occasionally to have some fun with them. I'm not sure if it's to "be who I really am" because me living a regular life with a gay side is who I am.

I have been reading a few blogs recently of guys in a similar position to myself (married with families yet with a desire to be a with a man). Unlike me, they are taking very different routes in their lives. They have taken the step to come out to their wives and to reassess their lives together and to make a decision whether to live openly as a gay man or to remain married and suppress their feelings towards men.

I was aware of my attraction to men long before I got married but always knew that i would leave a regular life. Many people would say that I'm living a lie and I'm not true to myself but I just don't feel that at all. I have never felt a need to come out to my wife or to change the way I live in any way. Sure my life isn't simple and many people would find it difficult to understand how I live the way I do, let alone actually live that way. But it's my choice and as weird as it seems I'm very happy with the way I live my life.

The way I see it - I knew what I was before I got married but still made the commitment to do so and that must always be and as far as I'm concerned always will be my first priority. When children are involved I think it becomes even harder.

I'm not judging these people in any way - everyone lives their life the way they chose to live it. Some find it easier to live a double-life others find it harder.

The most important thing for people in my situation is to be happy (the pills help) and to enjoy your life and do what makes you happy without hurting anyone else.

Pretentious Wankers

2010-01-24T03:30:00.000-08:00

Well my weekend is over and I actually had quite a good weekend. Didn't do anything particularly special but I definitely think the tablets are making a difference. If nothing else, I'm sleeping much better which in turn allows me to wake up at a more normal hour - feeling much happier and less frustrated! I love chemicals!!!

As I've said before, I know that until things start changing around me my situation isn't going to change, but I'm sure the tablets are helping me see things more clearly and calmly - which can only be a good thing.

My wife said some things at the weekend which also cheered me up a bit - just things that I'd wanted to hear from her for a long time. It's gonna take a while but things are way more positive than they have been.

On Saturday I took my daughter to a birthday party in a very expensive part of town. It was full of people my age the majority of which simply had very wealthy parents allowing them to live where they live.

Just observing these people made me realise that being poor definitely has its benefits. Having managed to park my very ordinary (but new!) saloon car among a sea of jeeps I was confronted by a gaggle of cloned and fake-tanned women with their peroxide blond hair carrying Chanel or Prada hand bags. Naturally they were all tottering around on expensive and vertiginous high heels. Even one of the birthday girls' mothers had removed her shoes since was simply unable to walk in them.

The husbands all seemed to be suffering from the same visual impairment as none of them were able to remove their designer sunglasses, even though we were inside.

Although some of the men there were irritatingly good looking, it proved that it doesn't matter how stylish these people might think they are, how much money their parents may be putting into their bank accounts each month or how expensive their clothes are - money might allow you a good life, it might help you sleep at night but it simply cannot buy class.

...and I'm feelin' good.

2010-01-21T04:57:00.000-08:00

Like I said yesterday, things are beginning to move slowly, but surely in my life in a positive direction.

I took my first "calming" tablet last night and I think it worked. It made me quite sleepy (at least I think it did, I was very tired anyway) and slept pretty well without waking up. I woke up this morning feeling pretty good. I also went today to see the dietitian. The good news is that I'm not as heavy as I thought I was going to be, the bad news is I've still got a lot of weight to lose.

Like with any challenge, it's not going to be easy but I know that if I'm sensible and disciplined with my food I can lose the weight pretty quickly and easily. Personally, I wanted to lose 20 kilos but the dietitian said only 10 was necessary. I'm not going to argue with her - let me lose the first 10 and then we'll see where to go from there. For me anyway, the important thing is that I've made the conscious decision and am now prepared to make the effort to do something to "improve" myself and that in itself makes me feel better.

I'm already missing Flirty office guy. He's gone away until next Wednesday skiing with Mrs Flirty office guy. How sad. I wanted to give him a big hug when I left work yesterday, but there were lots of people and it seemed inappropriate - at least I'll get a big hug from him next week when he comes back. I guess in the meantime I'll have to fantasize about what might be when he returns.

Unfortunately, fantasizing is all I have at the moment. I'm still horny as hell and nobody to have sex with. It's such a pisser when people are working and busy doing other things and don't have time to have sex with me at times that are only convenient to me - how unthoughtful!!!

Thank you to everyone who has commented on my blog - I really appreciate the time and effort you take to read and comment on my blog.

A few pictures of some real guys in their undies to make you all smile and put you in a nice mood to have a great day.

A New Start

2010-01-20T05:16:00.000-08:00

Well got back from the doctors and all is fine. The doctor's surgery is in the basement of her very large and very new house. There was a very good looking guy sitting in the reception area as I walked in and hoped he would jump on me and lick my face (or at the very least smile at me and give me his number) alas - neither happened!

I explained to the doctor everything and she is very sympathetic. She was the doctor who took my symptoms seriously when I was diagnosed with cancer. I have read many stories of doctors who have misdiagnosed or ignored signs of the illness - so I really trust her judgment when treating me! She definitely said that I needed to lose weight but unfortunately she didn't want to give me any diet pills (damn it) but instead referred me to a dietitian. She believes the best way for me to lose weight is sensible eating and exercise (who's ever heard of such a thing!?!) so no drugs there.

She did give me a prescription for a drug that should calm me down. She told me to take it for a month and to see if it has any effect, if not, she'll try something else - she mentioned Prozac even, but I don't think my situation is that bad to warrant me taking pills like that. Let's hope what she gave me works a little.

I know that taking a pill isn't going to repair my financial situation, but I hope at least it will help me calm down and relax a little and to be able to take things in my stride.

I am still unimaginably horny, to the point where I can be really dirty and slutty - which on the one hand is good but .... I have a profile on a dating/hook up site but nobody even bothers to look at that anymore (how sad!). I hope something comes up soon - it's quite amazing what a big difference the touch of a man can have on my mood. If I have the chance I may try and flirt outrageously with Flirty office guy - I'm desperate!

I'm wearing Ralph Lauren Polo aftershave today, the smell is so good. I really recommend it. I have lots of aftershaves and never use them, just recently I've started using them again and at the moment this is definitely my favourite, followed very closely by Rochas man!

Thanks to all who commented and have a great day. I'm feeling quite upbeat today, happy that the doctor took me seriously and hopefully I'm about to make a new start.

Uneventful Days...

2010-01-19T07:21:00.000-08:00

This blog proves that sometimes my life can be pretty uneventful. I seem to be in quite a lull at the moment. I'm just working going home getting up in the morning and going to work again - not even having any sex. I'm so horny and pretty frustrated.

I haven't heard anything about the job prospects - very doubtful whether anything will actually happen - but trying to remain positive. But remaining positive is proving sometimes to be harder and harder. I'm pretty down at the moment - just things in general family, financial and my weight.

Tomorrow I have an appointment to see my doctor - I seem to have acquired a list of pills I want from her. Still undecided which order to ask for things. I need something to calm me down, I'm very stressed at the moment and have a feeling my blood pressure is sky high. Because of all the things I'm worrying about I'm not sleeping properly either so need something to help me sleep.

But my main problem at the moment is my weight - since I started chemotherapy which contained a lot of steroids I've put on loads of weight. I think I need her to give me some kind of appetite suppresant. Perhaps one table can cure all - we shall see what she has to say!!!

I guess as the way I live my life is secret so are my feelings. To the "outside world" I'm still the same happy guy I always am, but inside there's lots of things worrying and bothering me. Hopefully a few coloured chemicals from my wonderful doctor will make things seem much better!

I'm sure everything will work out just fine in the end. More positive thinking - as Oprah says: If you think positive thoughts, positive things happen. Maybe bullshit, but when you're down in the dumps you tend to accept any advice offered.

Thank you all for listening and commenting.

The picture of the naked man is purely to put a dirty smile on my face and hopefully yours too. Enjoy!

Quiet Day

2010-01-18T06:05:00.000-08:00

There are some days when I have so much to write about I have to cut down what to say in order that my posts don't become rambling nonsense and other days when things are very quiet. Today is a very quiet day.

Maybe this is what is mean by writer's block.

There is still nothing new with Flirty office guy (unfortunately) - there is a lot of "erotica" going on between us - but still no real news. Yesterday I showed him I was wearing my Calvin Klein underwear (alas I don't look like a CK model) - and he showed me he was wearing "cheap" orange undies - I couldn't tell if they were boxer-briefs or tanga briefs - but it was nice to know.

Today, we were sending each other messages in the office on Skype, I thanked him for leaving me my daily red grapefruit and it got very sexual (I also gave him a very exaggerated hug too) - to the point where he said we should meet in the toilets because he wanted to suck my nipples all day long (so I told him mine were big and juicy) and he said I could lick his arse. Unfortunately, just words and no actions...but as always I remain optimistic and positive that one day it will turn from fantasy into reality. Please keep your fingers crossed!!!

I am so horny at the moment but everyone is busy - sometimes I don't understand why people work so hard. It's pouring with rain at the moment and getting quite cold - just the weather to be under a warm duvet with a nice naked man to wrap around so we can keep each other warm.

Have a great week and hope to report back soon with lots of exciting news.

Massage Message

2010-01-17T04:23:00.000-08:00

It's very weird that since I started writing this blog some of the distant memories of people I've met and things I've done are suddenly surfacing after such a long time.

When I was at university I can't remember if I was looking to buy or sell a car but I'd bought a copy of LOOT (a free ads newspaper for buying and selling stuff) - I guess nowadays you'd use Ebay! Anyway, I was looking through the paper and I suddenly stumble across a section for massages - personal services. It's not that I was naive or anything, but guess I wasn't expected to see these kind of ads in a newspaper like this.

I don't know what it was about these ads, but I kept finding myself looking at them. I notice the telephone number was local to where I went to university and it stayed in my head!

This must have been going on for about 3 weeks - it was an advert for a guy who gives massages to other men - I don't know what it was about this ad, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. One day, I get to university and the lecture I had come to hear had been cancelled and my next lecture wasn't for another few hours. Hhhmmmm what shall I do with this spare time???

I called the number I had memorized. It rang a few times and someone answered. I asked how much a massage costs and when he is available. He asked if I'd like to come over now? I agreed and he gave me directions how to get there. I was quite excited. Another thing to tick off my "must give it a try" list.

I find the place without any problems and approach the door and ring on the bell. I tall thin guy answers the door - he's dressed in a trackie bottoms and a white T-shirt. He's about 40, not bad looking. He directs me into his "lounge" which has a sofa, small television set and a massage table. Long, thin red curtains at the window make the room seem much darker than it was with everything slightly tinged red. I was quite nervous but there was something quite sexy about the ambiance of the setting. I sit down on the sofa and he smiles at me and says "this your first time then?" I tell him it is and he tells me to relax and enjoy myself. He's just going into another room to get ready and in the meantime I should undress. He leaves the room and I begin to take my clothes off.

Not sure of what to do I undress very slowly hoping he'll come back and he'll tell me what to do. I'm now in just my undies and I'm not sure if to remove them or not. Just at that point, he walks back into the room

He's completely naked other than a pair of white socks. He smiles at me again and tells me to take everything off and get onto the massage table. I strip naked and climb onto the table - he asks where I'd like to start and I roll onto my stomach.

He asks if he can use oils (telling me I can shower after the massage) and I agree. As I lay on my stomach - television is directly in front of my face and he puts on a gay porn video to add to the atmosphere. I'm beginning to relax and enjoy myself. He points out the certificates on the wall that he's a qualified masseur. He's working on my feet and calf muscles. It feels good. He definitely knows what he's doing.

He begins working his way up my legs - reaching my buttocks. I can feel I'm all oiled up he somehow slides his arm between my cheeks - it feels fantastic - using each arm sliding up my but cheeks, my inner thighs, touching my balls gently. WOW, it's feeling better and better.

He's now on my lower back - working his way upwards. Massaging each back muscles slowly and deeply. He's now standing directly in front of my face as I lay down - my face level with his cock - which I can see is semi-hard. Since he's been massaging me I haven't seen him (I was on my stomach and he was working at the other end of me!). As he leans over me his cock is right in my face. I can't stop myself and I take his cock and put it in my mouth. I ask him if it's OK - and he says "go for it". I can taste the oil on his cock, I realise he's been rubbing his cock while massaging me. His cock getting harder and harder in my mouth. My cock getting harder too.

He asks me if I'd like him to finish me off and I smile and say yes. He rolls me onto my back. My cock is now rock hard and his oiled hands begin to slide up and down my shaft. I'm already feeling totally relaxed and at ease with him. His cock is now rock hard too as he continues to jerk my cock. He really is an expert with his hands. Within a minute or two I begin twitching slightly as my cock explodes shooting ropes of cum over myself. I look at him and he has a wry smile on his face. I just lay on the massage table totally chilled and feeling good.

The masseur hands me a towel and directs me to where I can take a shower. It's not an easy job cleaning off massage oil and cum. I hear the guy on the phone making another appointment for a massage. That familiar feeling of needing to get out of that place overtaking me. I finish the shower and get dressed quickly. Pay my money and thank the guy very much.

It was fun, but not something I've repeated since. But I do highly recommend it!

Pleasing

2010-01-14T04:10:00.000-08:00

Everybody likes something different. Some men like to be tops, others bottoms - some like to be throttled and have smoke forcibly blown in their face while others like to dress up as a woman wearing high heels having a dildo inserted up their bum!

One of the most common and preliminary questions that I'm always asked whether in a chat room or in a dating website is "what do you like?". I'm never quite sure what to answer. There is in fact, for me, no simple answer. What I like can very depend on my mood. In general I like to be more active and more in charge of things. More often than not, this is mistaken to assume I'm a dominant master who is looking for a passive sex slave. On the other hand, I enjoy sucking a cock and lots of touching and kissing and general body contact.

In my own warped mind - I often consider being the guy who sucks as being in more control than the guy being sucked, after all, his most important and delicate organ is inside my mouth with 20+ well maintained sharp teeth being able to chop it off in fraction of a second!

I once chatted extensively with a married guy (we shall call him A) who was totally submissive. He explained to me in great detail how for him, being submissive to another man, swallowing his cum, being fucked aggressively and being subservient to him was the greatest turn-on for him. Having been together for over two years, A discovered his dominant "boyfriend" (B) was being unfaithful to him. A hated the idea that his boyfriend whom he loved a lot was being unfaithful to him with (C). So instead of ending the relationship - A allowed B to bring C into their relationship upon which A was being fucked by A and B! To add to the humiliation A was suffering, B & C spoke a language which A didn't understand - so when they would meet up together, A didn't even know what B & C were talking about and would only know what was going on when he was bundled into the bedroom or was forced to bend over etc...

At first, I was horrified that he could allow himself to be treated in such a way. But after a lot of explanations from A, I understood that for him - that was what he liked. Particularly for married guys, as I've said before, we need the escape from our mundane lives into the gay world. When we make that escape we want to enjoy ourselves and that was how he enjoyed himself.

I began to understand that the same pleasure and excitement that I get from being more dominant with guys is the same pleasure and excitement that my partner receives being submissive to my dominance.

I guess the important things is that everybody does what they enjoy most and that it's fun for everyone - after all, in my opinion, sex needs to be fun!

Sex doesn't necessarily have to be slow and last for hours. Sometimes sex can be rushed, in a dangerous place and with an unsavory partner, but at the end of the day it must be fun and enjoyable to everyone involved.

So go out and enjoy yourselves, and be safe!

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Forgot to mention - last night's staying late was a wash out. Flirty office guy ended up leaving early!!! Ahh well, he did leave me some more red grapefruit today - but I didn't get an opportunity to look at his pair!

Stop. Period.

2010-01-13T05:19:00.000-08:00

Now that I'm kind of documenting my life and although this is only my second month of blogging - I think I'm already beginning to see a pattern. I've read articles that although men don't have menstrual cycles, they do have monthly cycles. Looking back over last months post around the same time last month I was also pretty down as I am at the moment. Other than the regular worries that I have together with the whole world - relationship, money, work worries etc... I can't put my finger on what it is that is making me feel like crap.

Was chatting with flirty office guy he also said he was feeling sad at the moment and for no reason we sometimes wake up feeling sad. Was hoping he'd say it's because he's having confusing feelings (about me) and would love to put his head on my shoulder and have a cry while I hug him, but he didn't!

In our office, being rather spoiled IT personnel, we have fruit cut up for us after lunch and placed in the office kitchen for us. Flirty office guy has started a new "custom" of putting some red grapefruit (my favourite) on a plate and leaving some on my desk (with a napkin) for when I get back from lunch! How sweet is that???

Sometimes I don't think I should be sad - I know there are people in situations much worse than mine - but I guess like everyone else - sometimes we just get sad, depressed and down. For some it takes nothing more than some warm words and a gentle hug from the right person to pull you out of the depression. For others it takes a lot more.

I am normally and consider myself to be a happy person. I am also very determined to make myself happy in whatever way I can. I hope I haven't depressed anyone with this post, just wanted to post how I'm feeling. Maybe it's not a period that I'm having again, maybe it's more than that - maybe it's less. But just as I did last month and the month before, I'll be fine.

A good shag should sort this all out.

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Probably staying later than usual tonight in the office (I think Flirty office guy is staying late too!!).

Fingers crossed the pictures below will add to the ambience - a boy can dream - they will hopefully lighten the mood slightly too.

Waiting and Waiting Some More..

2010-01-12T04:37:00.000-08:00

I am an incredibly patient person. I admit that I am less patient than I used to be - but still a very patient man. I seem to find myself spending large portions of my life waiting. Yes, waiting. Waiting for answers at work regarding work I've done. Waiting for my wife to pick me up. Waiting for a reply to an email I sent. Waiting for a reply to a message sent on a dating website. Waiting to see if the guy I arranged to meet turns up.

Today, for example, the wife left home very early this morning to go to the gym - she calls me at 7.30am to tell me she'll be a little held up because she wants to go to a shop near the gym to buy something - the shop opens at 9.00am. OK, I'm waiting for her to bring me the car - but I'm patient. At 9.15am she calls me to say she's on the way to the shop with a friend! At 9.30am she calls me to check on the Internet what time the shop opens because it's shut. I enquire, call another branch, return to my wife to tell her the shop only opens at 10.00am. She waits. At 10.15am she calls me to say - they haven't got what she wanted and is on her way home. At 10.50am she calls me to tell me she's stuck in traffic. Hurrah, at 11.15 she arrives home!!! Now that is how to be patient.

So I get to work But I have to be back home at 1.15pm to drop my wife off for a very important job interview - please keep your fingers crossed!!! I must then go back to work for another 3½ hours then leave again to collect my daughter. Wait (of course) for my wife to finish her interview and then pick her up.

In the meantime I received an email from a guy I like (a lot) and had planned to meet - he's been rushed off to emergency meetings in France - I'm waiting for him to get back.

So much running around and I'm so horny at the moment but have no outlet for it. I've been having some crazy fantasies lately about things I'd like to do (and who I'd like to do them with) including flirty office guy and a couple of other guys I'm friends with.

From experience, most fantasies are best left as fantasies - but there's certainly no harm in trying to recreate fantasies to a certain extent. Recently, my latest fantasy has involved water sports. I haven't had much experience with it but what I have had has been quite fun. It all started very unexpected on a visit to a local sauna near to where I used to work.

I'd hooked up with a guy and we were in our little cubicle together. Things were good - it was dark but he was pretty smooth, slim and had a nice sized cock. We were both very much into the kissing and touching. There was lots of mutual sucking and fingering etc... Suddenly, the guy stops and pulls me close and tells me that he needs to pee. I guess at the time I was pretty naive (or just stupid). At first I thought it was possibly an excuse because he wanted to leave - maybe he wasn't enjoying as much as I'd thought he was. I was wrong.

So I said that's cool - I said I'd wait here while he goes upstairs to the toilet. It was dark but I could tell he was shrugging his shoulders. Weird, I thought. He pulls me close again and says he really needs to pee. I thought perhaps he didn't hear me the first time and I said to him "go, I'll wait for you." He must have realised my naivety and asks "how about I do it here?". My immediate thought was "bollocks, he's gonna make my towel wet peeing in the corner."

Then, the penny drops!!! Now I get it. How stupid could I have been! I pull him close to me this time and I say "go for it". I make it clear I don't want it on my face or mouth. The next thing I know - I'm on my back and he's straddled on top of me and there it is. I feel his hot pee landing on my chest and stomach. Fuck - I'm actually touching / feeling / smelling another guys pee on me and fuck it's sexy. I sit up and as he stops peeing - we being kissing hard - he pulls himself close to me - both of us sliding and slipping over each other from his pee. It made me so fucking horny.

This time, I take hold of his cock - my finger just touching the end of his cock on his pee-hole and I feel his hot piss shooting out of his cock onto me - cascading down my body. He pushes me down on my back and lies on top of me - sliding over my body - both of us wet. The mattress also wet - forming small puddles of piss. This goes on for another few minutes - until he has emptied his bladder.

This has to be one of the ultimate acts of intimacy between two people. It was great. He wanted me to piss on him too, but I think I was too caught up in the moment to do it (although I tried). Feeling and smelling this guy on me was a fantastic experience particularly in the dark, sexy, anonymous atmosphere of the sauna.

We finished and I headed to the showers. Shocked and totally excited by what I had done - leaving me with the feeling that I want to do it again. But it's not the sort of thing that everyone is into and obviously you must be in the right place, with the right guy at the right time - would love to do it again.

I know that lots of people are disgusted by the thought of water sports / golden showers - but when done properly - the idea of holding another guy's cock while he pisses is truly exciting and for me, incredibly sexy.

Of course, I'm still waiting for the chance to do it again.